Marriage Break Up – No-one is Immune
by Dale Harcombe |
12 MAR 2009 02:06 PM

None of us is immune. How often do we hear of marriages breaking up, sometimes after a short time but other times after many years together?
I was saddened recently to read of the marriage break up of a minister I admired. His sermons were biblical, thoughtful and practical. Sadly, it seems he spent so much time on church matters that his own marriage suffered. As Mary Ann pointed out – if people don’t get what they want from a marriage they tend to seek it elsewhere.

This attitude of society to seeking fulfillment outside the marriage shows up in our newspapers, in our forums here, as well as our movies. It was obvious yesterday and one of the things that struck both Mick and I as we had a day date and went to the movies to see Revolutionary Road.
So how can you protect you marriage from this happening? Here are four tips.
Make time for each other as a couple Many problems occur because men and women get caught up in other things and are, quite simply, too busy, so one partner feels neglected. Whether it is long hours at work and commuting, time with mates, hobbies, church commitments or whatever, it all means that time spent on these things means less time for each other, less time together. Value your marriage and make time for each other as a couple, instead of putting other things ahead of alone time as a couple. Make time together a priority. Maybe set aside at least one night a week as a date night – just for the two of you.
Talk to your spouse when you have problems. Faithfulness and loyalty need to be more than just words. Be faithful to your marriage partner and loyal to them, by not sharing too much of your personal life with friends. Respect your marriage and your spouse.
Show your spouse in word and deeds how much they mean do to you. Don’t let a day go by without letting them know how important they are to you.
Pay attention to your marriage. If you want a beautiful garden you have to put work into achieving it. If you want a good marriage you have to put work into achieving it. The end result is worth it.

How To Save Your Marriage

If your wife is breaking up with you and you want to give yourself the best chance of getting her back then the first thing that you absolutely must do is agree with her.

Your confidence is key to saving your marriage

If your wife is breaking up with you and you want to give yourself the best chance of getting her back then the first thing that you absolutely must do is agree with her. Go through with the separation and don t argue with her. Once you are apart you will be free. Free to start building your confidence and looking forward to the making up process.

Sooner or later your wife is going to be looking for a new man. A guy who is confident and self assured. Someone who is capable of living his own life while protecting her at the same time. You can be this guy if you want to be and one of the ways you can help yourself to turn into the man she wants is to start dating other women. You won t get your wife back just because you ve been out on dates but it will give your confidence a boost that your ex is bound to notice.

Take some well earned time off from your wife

Pleading with your wife to change her mind about the breakup is not going to work. This is what most guys do in this situation because it s what all your instincts are telling you that you should do. This is why most men fail to save their marriages. All you will succeed in doing is push your wife further away and make things even worse than they were before.

Tell your partner that you re cool with the separation. You can even tell her that you were going to suggest the same thing. This will diffuse the situation and put her at ease. She will feel that she can still talk to you which will be a big advantage to you in the next few weeks.

Now that you are a free man again for a while you must start to work on yourself. Use the gym regularly, buy some new clothes and start dating other women. Start turning yourself into someone your ex wife will find attractive. Remember you did it once so you can do it again.

How to boost your confidence by talking to women

It s hard at first. I know because I ve been there. You ve probably forgotten how to talk to women and you may be a little frightened by the thought of it. Well you have to get over that. Force yourself to take the plunge and just say something to a woman. Anything it doesn t matter much what you say, the point is just give it a go.

What surprised me when I did this after 18 years of hardly looking at another woman is that they will talk back to you. Yes it s true, most of them will say something back even if it s very brief. After you ve done this once or twice it will start to get easier I promise.

Dating women will improve your chances of getting your ex back

There are plenty of women willing to exchange a few words with you while shopping or waiting at airports or hotels. If you talk to enough of them then sooner or later you ll end up having coffee or dating. If you want to speed up the process then you can find your dates online at one of the many dating web sites. It worked for me.

When you realize that there are women out there who want to date you and have a good time in your company you will find out how much of a tremendous boost to your confidence it can be. This is the confidence you are looking for. The confidence to know that you don t need your ex wife any more even though you still love her and want to get back with her.

How to save marriage It s easier when you don t need to

If you don t need your ex anymore but you still love her then now is the time to think about making your wife love you again. You re a new man and that s exactly what she s looking for but be careful not to blow it by going in unprepared. There is a right and a wrong way to do this and you need a plan so do some reading and think about what you re going to do before you do it.
Learn the secrets of getting your wife back that most guys don’t know: http://www.howdo-i.com/save-my-marriage/how-can-i-make-my-wife-love-me-again.php All marriages can be saved if you handle it right http://howdo-i.com/save-my-marriage/ Remember – Chance favors the prepared mind.

COPING WITH BREAKUP

Marriage and Relationship Breakup

When coping with breakup, such as marriage and relationship breakup, or breakup of any close friendship, all of us may experience pain and sorrow at times, it’s a natural part of the grieving process. When you feel like this is getting out of hand, adversely affecting areas of your life and how well you function, then it’s probably time to consider help.
The decision to end a relationship is always a hard one, usually made by one person. Before that decision is made a lot has usually gone on, a relationship breakup happens slowly. Before making the decision ask the following questions:
1. Is it possible to make changes within your relationship?
2. What , if anything can I do to improve things?
3. Are there clear advantages to breaking up?
This will help you appraise honestly whether things are so bad there is no alternative.
A marriage and relationship breakup is a process rather than a single event, so each partner won’t necessarily be at the same emotional point when the decision is made. Unstable emotions may be the name of the game for a period of time. NLP Therapy can help you evaluate what you want, both from this relationship, and future ones.
Telling your family and friends that your marriage or relationship isn’t working and that you are getting divorced can be:
a. Stressful.
b. Emotional.
c. Final.
d. Life Changing.
Plus
The “Plus” is the unexpected responses you may receive when family and friends first react to the news of your relationship breakup. These responses can vary from embarassment, celebration (he/she was never good enough for you!), to criticism and anger.
So you may find yourself dealing with your own changing emotions, and the emotions of those around you.
If you are preparing to end a relationship, NLP techniques can help stabilize those emotions during what is a difficult process. Being prepared and having support can help enormously, and reduce the emotional aftermath.
Identify supportive friends, ones who look at every situation as a potential opportunity and who are always ready to give without keeping score. Identify them and stay close. You know who they are. You feel it. You sense it.
Use professional help when coping with breakup. This will help you face any challenges that lie ahead. With knowledge you can cope, without it you may fear what you don’t know. Knowledge is power.
NLP techniques can also be used to make coping with breakup easier for you and those around you. By using and identifying past resourceful states and utilizing aspects of time line therapy it becomes possible to see a brighter future. A way forward. Using anchoring can help make physiological changes so you feel healthier in mind, body and spirit.
These techniques won’t erase the value of the relationship, or its pleasant memories, but will help you to move on and be emotionally ready for new relationships, so that you can:
1. Like yourself.
2. Stop comparing (and despairing) yourself to others.
3. Start making full use of your abilities.
4. Start viewing your mistakes as a way of learning.
5. Start finding ways to change your life for the better.
6. Start taking action rather than planning action.
7. Learn to accept compliments.
8. Treat yourself as your best friend.
9. Be patient with yourself.
10. Forgive yourself – what’s done is done.

Lisa Daily
13 Warning Signs Your marriage is in Trouble

Looking for tell-tale signs that your love will last through next week?

Well, look no further. Below you’ll find the “Unlucky 13″ -13 warning signs you’re about to get dumped.

We surveyed a variety of experts to find the most common warning signs a person is about to get dumped –including psychologists, body language experts, graphologists, investigators and a divorce attorney. And here’s what we found:

1. Is it romantic Armageddon, or just uncomfortable shoes?

Where the toes point, the heart follows. According to body language expert Patti Wood, MA, CSP, you should, “look at your sweetie’s feet when you are out with other people.” She says, “if they are pointed at you, great.” If they’re pointed at someone else, your partner may be looking to walk.

2. You’re starting to feel like a telemarketer.

Is your sweetie anxious to end phone conversations right away? A person who knows he’s going to end the relationship with you, but hasn’t done so yet will be itching to get off the phone with you. If he is talking to you, but not adding anything to the conversation it’s sign he is heading towards the finish line. He’s probably just pacing himself.

3. He’s no longer interested in sex, or worse, he has a new bag of tricks and a trapeze with the tags still on it.

A dramatic change in sexual behavior can mean two things:

a) He wants to avoid any situation where he might have to express emotion or attachment to you, or

b) He’s getting it somewhere else.

4. He avoids talking about the future.

We’re not just talking the general, garden-variety aversion that men have to discussing relationships. We’re talking about a man who avoids having one of those “we have to talk” talks like it’s a shot of the Plague. As for the future, when next Thursday seems like too much of a commitment, it could be because he’s trying to extricate himself by Wednesday night.

5. He says, “I need some space” or “I think we should see other people.”

According to psychologist Jesse Rabinowitz, PhD, people don’t usually want to hurt someone else, so they use “exit strategies.” By telling you he wants to see other people, he’s not technically breaking up with you (so no big crying scene to endure) but he’s given himself a way out. Of course, the second he gets a little distance, he’s going to make a run for it.

6. If he’s looking left, something’s not right.

According to Bill Raduenz, private investigator, a person who looks up into the air and to the left when he speaks to you is “not being truthful.” The look left is an indication we’re using the “creative” side of our brains and a good indicator he’s telling you a whopper.

7. He gives you that little pat on the back.

Watch out for this one. A person who gives you a hug while patting you on the back is indicating that they are uneasy. According to Raduenz, the “hand pat” on the back indicates someone is uncomfortable with what they’re doing. The bigger the pat, the more discomfort they feel.

8. You don’t like what you see in the mirror.

People mirror each other’s body language when they are in love with similar gestures, voice volume, etc. If you’re noticing the two of you are out of sync, you probably are.

9. You see the writing on the wall.

According to graphologist Karen Weinberg, QDE, a person who is thinking of ending a relationship will show clues in his handwriting. When writing the word “love” he may begin to drop down the letter “e.” Another sign to watch for is if your partner diminishes the size of your name (sign of your importance to him.)

10. Every normal person should know which way the toilet paper goes…

If he’s picking silly fights, or there’s an unusual increase in emotional distance, you’ve got bad news.

According to Melvyn Frumkes, an attorney specializing in divorce, “a person who picks nonsensical arguments is trying to get the other person (you) to make the first move.”

11. He keeps you waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

“Time is an important non-verbal communicator,” says Wood. If he keeps you waiting, it’s a sign his interest is waning, and a sign of disrespect.

This is true for dates as well. If he starts waiting until the very last minute to make date plans with you, it’s likely he’s lost interest, or he’s hoping something better will come along and he’s using you as a back-up.

12. He buys a personal pager, or a pre-paid cell phone.

This is bad news. Just about every private investigator in the book will tell you the pager purchase is a sign of impending heartbreak. Sure, it could be for work, but more likely, he’s using it to get a head start on his post-you life. Beep Beep – Bye Bye.

13. He used to be a three-blue-shirts-and-four-pair-of-Chinos kind of guy, and suddenly he’s obsessed with Armani.

According to Frumkes, a person who is about to leave (or is cheating) will take greater care with his appearance – updating his wardrobe, losing weight, working out and even changing cologne. If your sweetie looks like he just finished taping an episode of “A Makeover Story” – Those Chinos might not be the only dud he’s looking to lose.

Want to know when you’re most likely to get the axe? Most experts agree it’s somewhere in the neighborhood of the first 3-5 months. So, stock up on tissues and Ben & Jerry’s if you’re heading into the danger zone.

Marriage counseling can help with the breaking up so as not to draw out the pain couples are feeling. Breaking up is one of the hardest things for couples to do, after all, they both used to be in love and its hard for both parties involved to acknowledge that the good times are over. There is also the fear of the unknown and what will happen “next”. So how should you break up to make it as clean a break as possible?
Give it time
Quite often external influencing factors, such as work, will force one partner to change their behavior, making them unbearable to live with. If this happens and you feel the best solution is to split up, then the best thing is to recognise that your partner has changed because of an outside factor. Therefore, the best approach is to stay in touch and try to be as polite and friendly as possible (via email, occasional phone calls etc). This is because the external circumstances are likely to change again and so you should not burn your bridges.
Step Back
If you have tried all other avenues and the last possible option left is for you to break up, then the best approach is for you to start taking a step back from the relationship. This will enable you to gain emotional and physical distance, preparing you for the actual breaking up. But, try to use this time to evaluate as whether breaking up is really what you want to do.
Don’t make excuses
Don’t be tempted to make excuses for the breaking up. The problem with excuses is that sooner or later they will back fire and you will feel even worse. Its yet another worry on top of the actual breaking up, and also, your partner will inevitably start to think there are other reasons for the breaking up. This will not enable your partner to make a clean break as they would always feel that they are entitled to know the truth, for closure purposes if nothing else. You’d probably find they would be contacting you with any excuse, often sub-consciously.
Avoid blame
If there is absolutely no other options left other than breaking up, try to be tactful. “Not making excuses” does not mean you have to rip your partner’s heart out and step on it! By blaming your partner, even if they are at fault, you will just cause an unnecessary row and bad feeling between you. After all, you are going to break up anyway, so why do it with bad feelings? You will only create an enemy for yourself.
Understanding your moods and behaviour, marriage counseling and making up can help you to avoid the crisis you are faced with.

Breaking up is so hard to do in modern marriages

Last Updated: 10:26PM GMT 17 Nov 2006

In happier times: Jude Law and Sadie Frost
After the passion ices over the monetary complication – and bitterness – of separating hurts, says Liz Phillips
Hollywood star Jude Law complained recently that he was hard-up, following his divorce from Sadie Frost.

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The couple have three children – Raffety, 10, Iris, six, and four-year-old Rudy – and Ms Frost is reported to have kept their £4m house in Primrose Hill, north London. If even a successful actor, able to command millions of pounds for a film role, finds divorce tough on the wallet, what about the rest of us?
Many couples facing a break-up assume everything will be split 50-50 but it’s not as simple as that. Even short marriages where there are no children may not result in an equal split. The court will look at each partner’s contribution to the marriage when deciding how finances should be apportioned.
It isn’t only the financial input that counts. In a long marriage where the wife has spent many years looking after the children, this will be taken in to account.
The courts put children’s interests ahead of their parents. The courts will generally look to maintain the status quo without either partner suffering a sudden drop in their circumstances.
Divorce lawyer Vanessa Lloyd Platt, of Lloyd Platt & Company, said: “The difficulty comes when there is not enough money to keep everyone in the same lifestyle as they had before, which is often the case. When this happens, the children’s housing needs are put first.”
So the parent who ends up looking after the children will keep the family home. As this is usually the mother, the husband is either paid out some of its value – not necessarily half – or a charge is put against the house. In this case, he may not receive his share until the children finish full-time education.
Transferring the home in to the wife’s name only is complicated. For example, if a couple have been separated for more than three years there is likely to be Capital Gains Tax (CGT) to pay which can be as much as 40 per cent of the value of the transfer, even though there is normally no CGT to pay on transfers between husband and wife. The clock starts ticking from the date of separation.
But with other assets, such as shares and investments, couples only have up to April 5 in the year they separated to transfer them without being hit by CGT.
The Law Society is campaigning for an extension as untangling finances after a divorce can often take longer than a few months.
Tax liabilities also have to be taken in to account when the couple own a second home. Whether it is here or abroad, there is likely to be CGT to pay when it is sold or transferred to a single name.
The next biggest asset is usually retirement savings. A couple’s pension funds are added together and are divided in half. This is important for older couples with significant savings.
Half the pension will be transferred to the other spouse and can be kept in the same scheme or moved into their own pension pot. Whoever has the bigger fund will end up compensating the other party.
Maintenance payments are another thorny issue. While children are in full-time education, the father is likely to have to pay up. As a rule of thumb, he pays 15 per cent of his net income for one child, 20 per cent for two and 25 per cent for three or more. The amount is reduced according to how many nights the children spend with him. These were the figures used by the Child Support Agency, but it is being abolished so the rules could change.
The wife may also be entitled to maintenance depending not only on whether she works at the moment but also her earning capacity should she return to work. If she earns as much as her husband she is unlikely to receive any maintenance for herself, while a wife who has never worked may be entitled to maintenance for the rest of her life. Often couples prefer a clean break, in which case a lump sum for her will be based on normal outgoings, inflation and a life expectancy of 83.
Where couples are not married, maintenance will only be granted for the children – not the adult man or woman invovled and neither of them are entitled to a share of any pension fund. Splitting the home is also more difficult.
“Normally, where the house is in one name only, the other person will have to show how they contributed to get a share,” said Mrs Lloyd Platt. “If you paid the household bills or part of the mortgage, for example, this may be taken into account but the system for co-habiting couples is a real hotch-potch.”
Couples are liable for joint debts. If one person cannot afford the repayments they will fall entirely on the other person. In legal terms this is known as joint and several liability.
The debts can be divided when finalising the divorce. If one of you overspends on the joint credit cards after the break-up, the courts may regard it as wilfully dissipating assets and will take the debt into account when arriving at a settlement.
Business loans secured against the family home can be tricky. Even if one person has nothing to do with the business, they can’t escape the associated debts unless they can agree to have these loans removed.
With subsequent marriages, a prenuptial agreement is advisable. “These are more binding now than they used to be,” said Mrs Lloyd Platt. “People tend to use them to protect their children from a previous marriage so that they don’t lose their inheritance if you split up.”

Joyce McFadden

The Other Woman Can’t Break Up Your Marriage. It’s Impossible.

If you have the misfortune to be heterosexual, as many of us do, you have enough on your plate just trying to bridge the divide on how differently men and women go about all things sexual. Women don’t need the extra headache of watching their backs with their own gender. But when it comes to affairs, the focus often shifts from The Marriage to The Other Woman.

This morning I turned on the Early Show just in time to hear the breaking news that there was a “Battle Over Brad” (!) and that in Vogue “Jennifer Aniston breaks her silence and blasts Angelina Jolie for breaking up her marriage.”

The segment went on to pull up quotes from the article in which Aniston didn’t appear to use that language at all. She seemed to express more of a distaste for the way Jolie handled it rather than accusing her of husband stealing.

So this is the problem I have with CBS: it took the sexist route. You never hear people say The Other Man stole someone’s wife, and men are never referred to as home wreckers. But because the appeal of a catfight is apparently news worthy, CBS pit woman against woman and obfuscated the realities of affairs which are these:

No woman can steal another woman’s man, and no woman has the power to break up a marriage. It’s always a decision the husband makes, a choice to step deeper into his marriage, or to step further outside it. Women aren’t omnipotent sirens who lure poor helpless men, and this is true even of women who might have predatory leanings.

None of us has control over anybody — which is usually a big fat drag, as anyone who’s ever tried to change someone knows, but in this case it’s a tremendous relief because it means we only have to worry about our couple — those outside it don’t need our attention because ultimately, they aren’t the threat.

Obviously whoever participates in an affair is accountable for their actions, but that’s not the same thing as being accountable for the end of a marriage.

If a husband is having an affair, it’s the husband who threatens the break up the marriage. If a wife is having an affair, it’s the wife.

Relationship advice: 5 fights marriages shouldn’t break up over (but do)

Listing 5 different reasons that many marriages break up, including jealousy, distrust, boredom and family issues. Tips on how to prevent it and repair relationships.

Thousands of marriages break up every year, that’s a sad fact. They start out great, but something happens along the way. It could be almost immediately that the signs begin showing that one or both mates aren’t happy, or it could take years. Money, careers and egos are often behind the break up of a marriage but there are 5 other reasons that marriages break up, but shouldn’t.
The lack of communication is one reason why marriages finally fall apart. Some couples begin their relationships just by talking, and talking. Then one day, you notice that you don’t talk as much as you used to or that the conversations have little meaning. There could be many different reasons behind this. One is that the couple are tired after work and caring for children, and just don’t feel like talking. After many months of this, you seem to lose the connection you once had. Another communication problem is pretending to like something you don’t, in order to make the other person happy. Good intentions, but they often go sour after you realize that you don’t want to pretend any more. Now the only thing left to do is hurt the person’s feelings or let them know you lied and were only pretending the entire time. This often causes one mate to lose respect for the other.

Jealousy is another reason that many marriages break up. Once married, many people expect their mate to give up friendships, particularly ones with the opposite sex. Many women don’t want men to go out for a night with the boys; many men want their woman to speak to no other man. Arguments follow, and hard feelings. Distrust and finally bitterness result in not being frank with each other about this topic from the beginning. Marriage will change previous relationships somewhat, but no one should have to give up their previous friendships to suit a mate. Trust is important in a relationship and trust goes out the window when either party becomes jealous.
Jokes have been made for many years about in-laws but the fact of the matter is, if you don’t like yours, there could be years of trouble. Some in-laws butt in where they’re not wanted or needed, causing one person to “choose” between the parent or the mate. For some people, it’s simply impossible to choose because they don’t want either person mad at them. This usually angers both the mate and the in-laws, causing further ill feelings. Arguments with, about, and over in-laws can cause irreparable damage to a marriage.

Kids, step kids, your kids, my kids – it can be overwhelming. The birth of a new baby is a beautiful thing, but can cause the dad to feel left out. The mom is often tired and frustrated from dealing with the baby, making the tension very thick in the household. Or the problem could lie with older children, from previous relationships. If you’re the new step mom or step dad, you try really hard to have the kids like you, but maybe they never will. Kids might try to intimidate the new parent, causing hard feelings. Arguments about punishments, curfews and other child issues can cause a rift in the marriage.

Boredom is one of the number one reasons that after years of being together, people break up. Maybe your mate has fallen into the habit of sitting in front of the television, night after night, while you sit alone in the bedroom. Someone at work notices you, smiles, and it’s over. You’re now interested in the new person who pays attention to you. You begin an affair that will eventually end the marriage.

Try to avoid the pitfalls of the typical divorce by being honest with your mate from day one, remembering to do or say little special things to your partner from time to time, and pay attention to your mate, no matter how busy you are. Marriage is a wonderful thing and it doesn’t have to go bad if you and your partner have made up your mind to make it work, no matter what.

When, and when not, to get married

With most marriages ending in divorce know the reasons for when and when not to get married.

Today, one out of two marriages will end in divorce. Many people fail to ask themselves why they are getting married and end up marrying for the wrong reasons. Love, of course seems like the best reason. However, it is not. The best reason to marry someone is companionship. For a marriage to be successful, both partners must have a genuine companionship. Of course, there are several reasons why a couple should not get married even if they do have companionship.
People are born with a desire to be loved and give love. It can be the most fulfilling feeling in the world. However, marrying simply because of love is not a good idea. Yes, it may sound very romantic. In fact, it is one of the main reasons people get married. Love alone is not a good reason to get married. Marriages succeed when there is a strong foundation of companionship built by the couple. A strong foundation for marriage includes compatibility, trust, and communication. Couples should ask themselves three questions to decide if marriage is right for them.

First, are we compatible? In a marriage, the definition of compatible slightly changes. It is more than liking the same activities, same foods, same movies and music, etc. Being compatible in a marriage is having the ability to adapt to changes. People constantly change from day to day and will continue to do so in marriages. Work, children, and in-laws are just some of the changes that occur in a marriage. The key is to be on the same page and know how to deal with your relationship when you are not.

Second, do you trust one another? Marriages without trust are marriages that end in divorce. Having your partner’s trust is a must have in a relationship. If there is the slightest doubt in either of the partners’ mind, then there is no trust. Relationships thrive on trust and cannot survive without it.

Third, is there communication? Lack of communication can destroy a relationship. Communication is very important in a marriage. Married people need to communicate all the time. Talking only when times get rough or not talking at all only hurts the relationship. The lack of communication is also a leading reason for divorces. Divorcees commonly complain that the other partner never listened or avoided conversations with them. Communication is vital to the relationship. If you never communicate, how will you know if you are compatible and if you trust one another?

If you and your partner are able to answer these questions honestly and to one another’s satisfaction, marriage is a good idea for the two of you. Having compatibility, trust, and communication in your relationship will build the strong foundation of companionship you need for marriage. However, if one of these factors is not present, getting married is not a good idea. Marriage between two people should only occur when all factors are present.

It is never a good idea to get married for the wrong reasons. Reasons not to get married include getting married due to love at first sight, sexual attraction, to cure loneliness, as an act of rebellion, rebound love, out of obligation, pressure, pregnancy, and for financial gain. Marriages based on these reasons most likely result in divorce. While for some people, one or all of these reasons may seem like the best thing, but they are not. Some of these reasons are selfish and do not take in the considerations of the other partner’s feelings.

Love at first sight. Ah, what a feeling! You smile constantly, have butterflies in your tummy, and may feel impulsive. Impulsive enough to get married. Getting married based on love alone is the number one reason not to get married. Love at first sight can be a temporary feeling. The things you do like running off to get married while under its spell can have lasting negative effects. No foundation has been built to support the marriage. Therefore, the marriage has no backbone and will most likely end in divorce. Also, marrying from lust at first sight is a bad idea as well. Marriages based on sexual attraction do not survive.

No one wants to be lonely. Marrying someone simply to avoid being alone the rest of your life is wrong, not only for you but for your mate as well. People fear being alone and will jump into a marriage quickly to avoid it. Chances are you will still be lonely only now you will be lonely in a marriage. These types of marriages have no foundation of companionship and usually result in unhappiness leading to divorce.

Whether you are marrying as an act of rebellion or rebound, neither are a good idea. The acts are selfish. Getting married as a way to get even with someone, parents and/or ex-lover, only hurts the ones who love you and yourself. Rebelling into marriage can have a negative impact on everyone involved. Marrying someone while on the rebound is unfair to the other person. It is easier for someone on the rebound to fall in love because of the need to be loved. People on the rebound tend to marry the wrong person. They are in love with the idea of being in love and not the actual person. Rebound marriages can hurt the other partner who actually may be in love with the rebounded. The rebounded can also be hurt once they realize the mistake they have made.

You should never feel obligated or succumb to pressure to marry someone. These kinds of marriages usually result in divorce. Some couples marry when one of them feels obligated to stay in the relationship or feels too guilty to break it off. Marrying someone to please others is not a good idea. Giving in to pressure from family, friends, society, and/or your partner will only cause you unhappiness. These kinds of marriages are disappointing and commonly result in divorce.

Marrying to avoid being a single parent is never a good idea. While pregnancies out of wedlock are on the rise, so are divorces. Many believe that by getting married because of pregnancy they are doing the right thing. Yes, a child does deserve two parents in their life. However, if a divorce can be avoided then it should. Divorces can turn bitter and have lasting negative effects on children. A child can successfully have two loving parents in their life without the parents marrying.

Lastly, marrying for financial gain is wrong. Many men and women marry for financial gain to escape their current financial situations. This is perhaps the most selfish reason to marry someone. These marriages almost always result in divorce with hurt parties on both sides. Marrying for any of the wrong reasons is a recipe for disaster. Marriage is about commitment. A serious commitment between two people should never be taken lightly. Make sure you are marrying for the right reasons and not the wrong ones.

What Does it Take to Get Married Today
It takes more than the license….
By Sheri & Bob Stritof, About.com

With so many marriages throughout the world ending in divorce, many couples wonder what it takes to get married today and to make it last. Some even wonder why they should bother getting married.
Bottom line, if you are questioning why you should get married, don’t do it.

If you are a minor, you will find many legal hoops to jump through. The laws are written this way because statistically, most teenagers who marry end up divorced.

If you have decided that marriage is for the two of you, then check out your locale’s requirements. Some still require blood tests, waiting periods, cash only for fees, and more. Some states are requiring some pre-marital education, which we highly recommend even if it isn’t a formal requirement by your community or church.

For a marriage to be long lasting, a couple needs love, commitment, communication and problem solving skills, fidelity, honesty, ability to handle conflict in a constructive way, respect for one another, realistic expectations, understanding, kindness, and a sense of humor.