New Study Shows Secret To Marital Bliss

(CBS) If you want a relationship to last, don’t meet your partner in a bar, find an intellectual bond and – for men – delay having sex when you’re young.

Those were some of the findings of an investigation on mid-life happiness, called the Boston Couples Study, conducted by Professor Charles Hill of Whittier College, and fellow colleagues.

The survey asked 231 couples, as well as 100 “singles,” about what made them happy. Taken from a random sampling of sophomores and juniors at colleges in the Boston area, the participants were quizzed again after two, 15 and 25 years.

The results showed the secrets to middle-aged marital bliss – high self-esteem and a good relationship, as well as some revealing findings on how to secure that relationship.

“I would tell the men to delay having sex,” Hill told reporters at the British Psychological Society’s European Congress, where the survey was presented on Monday.

He said his research showed men who postponed having sex while at college found a partner on the basis of emotional attachment and common interest, as opposed to treating a woman as “one more notch on the bedpost.”

Ironically it was those women were relatively liberal about having sex before marriage 25 years ago who were able to find their long-term partners.

Bars were one place not to meet your perfect long-term partner, the survey found.

“If you are looking for a mate for life then you should look where your common interests are,” Hill said. “If alcohol is the only thing you have in common, then what do you talk about in the morning?”

The best and longest-lasting relationships tended to be formed on the basis of common interests, intellectual compatibility and the two partners being of similar physical attractiveness.

They often occurred when the two people involved were not looking for a relationship.

“In the informal settings people can be themselves, rather than just putting on airs and graces,” Hill said.

Top 10 Tips for Marital Bliss
Marital bliss? Some days I’m happy (really happy) to settle for marital survival.

Here are the top 10 tips for keeping a marriage together, contributed by On Balance readers:

1. Be nice. This is stupidly simple, but it works. Even when you feel like hell, or have a beef with each other, or are tense or tired, make the effort to be kind and gentle with each other. Make the partnership a safe harbor where the other person wants to be. This means taking a breath, biting your tongue and going easy even when that’s not exactly how you feel.

2. Before you get married, find common ground on your most important issues — where you want to live, the role work plays in your family balance, how you will handle your finances, whether or not you want children (and if you are older, what lengths you will go to to have biological ones), the degree to which your extended family are involved in your lives, and what role religion will play in your lives and the lives of your children.

3. Whomever feels most passionately about a position wins that argument. It is rare that, upon candid reflection, you can’t unanimously agree that one or the other simply cares more (or as is more likely the case, one cares less). You are going to have different opinions on many different subjects. Winning an argument doesn’t mean the other loses. It just means one cared more about that particular issue.

4. Nurturing your marriage is more important than kids — in part because staying together is so important for your kids. So, make time for each other. Have a regular date night without kids. Sex and affection and time alone together are a top priority. Make dates to cuddle up, let other things slide sometimes, do whatever you have to do. Just don’t let it get pushed off the table by everything else that is “important.”

5. Stay flexible, in every sense of the word. That means finding a compromise between his need to watch the game and your need get the house clean. It means finding ways to discipline the kids that both of you can live with. It means staying open minded to new ideas in bed. It means communicating, it means nothing is set in stone, other than your core values, which you should discuss and share before you ever get married.

6. Treat the logistics of raising a family and running a household like a small business. Once a week have a calendar meeting. Go over the schedule of the upcoming week or weeks, and talk through what you both and the kids have going on. Make lists about what has to happen to help the week go smoothly and who has which carpool, cooking responsibilities, etc.

7. Have a sense of humor — some arguments can and should end in laughter.

8. Don’t crowd too much into your lives. Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity.

9. When you get home at night, or when you honey calls in the middle of the day, stop, take a breath, smile, and say “Hello, sweetheart. How are you?” before launching into whatever daily business or complaints you have. Start every interchange on a basis of affection and kindness.

10. Accept that you can’t change your spouse, especially by yelling or screaming or playing passive-aggressive. However, this doesn’t mean letting small resentments simmer. Deal with them before they become big deals. If your spouse does anything that upsets you, talk about it. If he or she can understand why you are upset, and you can understand why your partner does what he/she does, both parties stand a chance of finding that happy medium.

Marital Bliss

“ There is no couple that doesn’t have to work hard at improving their relationship—Sallie Foley, MSW, author of Sex Matters for Women and an instructor at the University of Michigan ”
How to Build Marital Bliss
By Karen Berney

We fall in love, get married, have children and raise a family. Over the years, love deepens, the bond strengthens, but our feeling of marital satisfaction waxes and wanes.
During the “bad times,” there is more arguing and blaming, less sharing and touching, fewer moments of joy and appreciation. But we weather the storms, and some 50 percent of us do stay married.

What most couples don’t realize, say marriage experts, is that there are things they can do to ensure better times than worse, to make riding out the storms smoother and easier.

Marriage is like a beautiful garden, says Renee Colclough Hinson, Ph.D., executive director of The Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment. “It requires skill and constant attention. If tended to, it will thrive, but if neglected, it will wither and die.”

It Takes Work — For All of Us
“You mean I have to work at it?” Yup. “There is no couple that doesn’t have to work hard at improving their relationship,” says Sallie Foley, MSW, author of Sex Matters for Women and an instructor at the University of Michigan. Believing that the good times will continue to roll on their own is setup for disappointment and disillusionment, she adds.

The fact is that all marriages have problems that cause conflict and strain the relationship. Among the most common problems:

Money. There never seems to be enough, or if there is, one person is upset about how the other spends it.
Sex. It’s the reason 45 percent of couples seek marriage counseling. Usually, one partner desires sex more often and on different terms than the other.
Work. Partners have different role expectations about who does what within and outside of the home.
Children. Couples may disagree over how to raise and discipline children.
Positive Communicators Fare Best
These problems won’t lead to marital meltdown if you can talk about them constructively with your partner.

John Gottman, University of Washington psychology professor and founder of The Gottman Institute, has videotaped more than 3,000 couples to try and isolate the conditions that make relationships thrive or fail. He’s found that when discussing a problem, an unhappy couple starts out by criticizing a partner’s behavior. Then comes an attack on the partner’s personality or character, followed by expressions of contempt — a particularly corrosive factor. Naturally, the attacked partner goes on the defensive, prompting a counterattack. A fight ensues, and needless to say, the problem is neither directly addressed nor solved.

By contrast, happy couples use five times more positive behaviors in their arguments than negative ones, Gottman has found. For instance, they draw on humor to relieve tension and pepper the conversation with expressions of affection to maintain calm.

1 . 2

The Courage to Heal
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The Courage to Heal

Author Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
Publisher Collins Living
Publication date 1988 (original); 2008 (reissue)

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse (first published in 1988) is an extremely popular[1] book written by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, aimed at a female audience. The primary thrust of the book is that individuals with a vague set of symptoms have suffered child sexual abuse that has since been forgotten and is currently causing their problems. A variety of techniques are proposed to help these individuals recover these purported memories, become identified as an survivior and overcome the associated trauma.
The book has been criticized for creating false memories of abuse, its authors being unqualified and for creating an industry which has isolated and separated family members on the basis no positive proof. Bass and Davis have also been criticized for leaping to unwarranted, implausible conclusions with significant consequences and failing to correct the scientific errors found in the first edition that were not corrected in subsequent reprintings.[2]
Contents [hide]
1 Authors
2 Overview
3 Critics’ view
4 See also
5 References
[edit]Authors

The Courage to Healis written by feminist activists Ellen Bass, a former poet and creative writing teacher, and Laura Davis, an incest survivor. Bass and Davis attributed efforts to confront incest and child sexual abuse to the Women’s liberation movement.[3] Neither Bass nor Davis have any training in psychotherapy or science, and they state that nothing in the book is based on any psychological theories.[1]
[edit]Overview

The 2007 edition is divided into the following sections:
Taking Stock
The Healing Process
Changing Patterns
For Supporters of Survivors
Courageous Women
Honoring the Truth: A Response to the Backlash (added in response to negative reactions to the book)
The book was written as a response to the author’s frequent encounters with women who were the victims of sexual abuse during their childhood and adolescence. The authors present a path to healing from the trauma of childhood abuse. They additionally suggest that people experiencing dysfunction in their lives, who feel that something traumatic happened in their childhood that they do not currently remember, should investigate these feelings. They say that extreme childhood trauma, of which sexual abuse is one, is often spontaneously repressed to allow the child to continue growing up. The authors outline how the damaging effects of child sexual abuse can be wide-ranging: depression, anxiety, alcoholism, drug addiction, dysfunctional relationships, dissociative identity disorder, self-injury, suicidal thoughts and others. The latest edition features language more inclusive of male sexual abuse victims.
The original edition of the book contained an influential chapter discussing satanic ritual abuse (now considered a moral panic) and the discredited autobiography Michelle Remembers. Subsequent editions renamed the phenomenon “sadistic ritual abuse”. The Courage to Heal was part of the vision that childhood sexual abuse could be discovered with no corroborating evidence beyond a vague set of symptoms.[4]
[edit]Critics’ view

Critics contend that because Bass and Davis have no formal training in psychiatry or psychology, they are not qualified to write such a book.[5] A report for the Australian branch of the False Memory Syndrome Foundation found the book was linked to nearly 50% of the cases in which a false allegation of child sexual abuse was made based on recovered memories[6] and a 2005 report by the Health Services Commissioner to the Minister for Health of Australia stated that some respondents from families where there were accusations of child sexual abuse called for the book to be banned, believing the book promotes the practice of recovered memory therapy.[7] Frederick C. Crews has criticized the book for appealing not to women who have always remembered abuse, but rather being aimed at those who struggle to convince themselves they were abused as children in the absence of previously-existing memories, and that the author’s claim to promote self-esteem are actually based “on a shattering of their readers’ prior sense of identity and trust”.[8]
The Third Edition of the book, published in 1994, offers a whole chapter titled “Honoring the Truth,” in which the authors respond to the book’s critics.
[edit]See also

Amnesia
Dissociation
False memory
Memory inhibition
[edit]References

^ a b Aronson, Elliot; Tavris, Carol (2007). Mistakes were made (but not by me): why we justify foolish beliefs, bad decisions, and hurtful acts. San Diego: Harcourt. pp. 121. ISBN 0-15-101098-6.
^ Aronson & Tavris, 263n40.
^ Showalter, Elaine (1997). Hystories: hysterical epidemics and modern media. New York: Columbia University Press. pp. 149-154. ISBN 0-231-10459-6.
^ Jenkins P (1998). Moral panic: changing concepts of the child molester in modern America. New Haven, Conn: Yale University Press. pp. 181; 187. ISBN 0-300-07387-9.
^ Gibbs, A. “The reality of recovered memories” (PDF). The Skeptic 17 (2): 21-9.
^ Elson, M (1998). “Accusations of Childhood Sexual Abuse Based on Recovered Memories: A Family Survey”. Australian False Memory Syndrome Association. Retrieved on 2009-02-16.
^ “Victoria, Australia Health Services Commissioner: Inquiry into the Practice of Recovered Memory Therapy” (PDF). Australia Health Services Commissioner. 2005.
^ Crews, FC; Bass E & Davis L (1995). “Thanks for the Memories”. The New York Review of Books 42 (3). Retrieved on 2009-02-19.
Categories: Child sexual abuse | Health and wellness books | Self-help books

Working with adult survivors of child sexual abuse

Like adult victims, children experience significant psychological and emotional distress. Unlike adults, however, they are traumatized during the most critical period of their lives:

When assumptions about self, others and the world are being formed;
When their relations to their own internal states are being established; and
When coping and relationship skills are first acquired.
Therefore, the Post Traumatic Stress reactions impact upon the child’s subsequent psychological and social maturation leading to atypical and potentially dysfunctional development. In other words, if untreated, the effects of sexual abuse in childhood are usually more dynamic and interactive, in contrast to trauma effects in adults who have a stable base development and maturation to draw on and for whom, with support, the trauma effects will wane over time.

Impacts of childhood sexual abuse are likely to occur in three stages.

Initial reactions to victimisation:
involving Post Traumatic Stress reactions;
alteration in normal childhood development;
painful affect; and
cognitive distortions.
Accommodation to ongoing abuse:
involving coping behaviours intended to increase safety and/or decrease pain during victimisation (i.e. memory suppression, denial, dissociation, accommodation syndrome; Stockholm syndrome).
Long Term elaboration & secondary accommodation reflecting:
the impacts of initial reactions and abuse-related accommodations on the individual’s later psycho social development; and
the survivor’s ongoing coping responses to abuse related dysphoria. (Cognitive distortions, denial, memory suppression, dissociation, altered emotionality, impaired self-reference, avoidance, disturbed relatedness).
For adults abused in childhood, who received no counselling or support at the time, some of the initial reactions of victim’s to the abuse may abate over time but more typically such disturbances along with abuse-specific coping behaviours, generalise and elaborate over time. The typology by Finkelhor and Browne taken together with PTSD adequately describes these core impacts and their psycho-social and behavioural sequelae. These are the impacts which need to be addressed in working with adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Treatment Objectives

The key objective of counselling intervention with adult survivors of childhood sexual assault is to facilitate trauma resolution and foster healing and growth.

Return to top

Normalisation

Normalisation of the survivors reactions to the abuse experience and the effects this has had on their psychological functioning, both historically and currently, is a key factor. It’s important to point out that the coping strategies they evolved allowed them to survive at the time and adapt to their experiencing. In that way, these strategies served them well. However, these responses have become maladaptive in adulthood and limit their ability to live a full life, limit their interpersonal relationships and their psychological functioning.

Education

Education of the adult survivor about the prevalence and later psychological effects of childhood sexual assault is also important. It helps destigmatise their own experiencing and also serves to normalise their responses. Information about the lasting effects of childhood sexual assault, the types of difficulties experienced and presenting symptoms survivors encounter and how to cope is readily available and helps the survivor better understand their own range of behaviour or responses. There is a lot of information of this type available in the form of books, journal articles, and videos.

Both normalisation and education are critical particularly at the beginning of the counselling process and can be seen as preparing the survivor for the healing process. Once the survivor has entered counselling it is also imperative as part of this preparation to clarify what he or she can expect as they work on their abuse issues. The counsellor needs to be honest in informing the survivor that the healing process will not be easy and that their memory of the abuse will not magically go away. Be very clear about what you can do as a counsellor and what the survivor may expect as an outcome of their healing process.

What we can do as counsellors is provide a safe environment and a structured process within which to help survivors acknowledge their memories and associated pain, assess the influence these have on their behavioural repertoire and begin to integrate them with his or her adult self. This integration will allow the survivor to process the memories and pain so that they no longer control their behaviour and responses. He or she will be able to take control of his or her own life rather than continue to be controlled by maladaptive behaviour patterns and responses as if they and their abuse experience are ‘frozen in time’.

Treatment Phases And Structuring The Healing Process

The EARLY PHASEof therapy with adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse focuses on building up trust between the counsellor and the survivor and preparing the survivor for the healing process. During this phase of therapy the survivor is encouraged to tell their story which allows the counsellor to assess which therapeutic techniques may be the most beneficial.

Telling their story is difficult for some survivors. Their memories are fragmented and all jumbled up making it hard for them to relate what happened when. There is often a feeling of being overwhelmed by the abuse and just not knowing how to start. Many survivors just can’t differentiate between episodes of abuse and their whole sense of childhood was taken over by it. At this stage there are tools which can be used to help the survivor put their childhood back together into a recognisable whole by focusing on specific incidents or episodes of their lives to structure their stories.

The MIDDLE PHASEof therapy is where the brunt of the work is done which includes re-processing the trauma. Simply stated, processing the trauma of childhood sexual assault involves:

Acknowledging the fact of the abuse and its impacts.
Experiencing and releasing some of the feelings associated with the trauma that typically have remained unexpressed.
Exploring a range of feelings towards the abuser/s and non-protective parents, siblings or caretakers; and
Making cognitive reassessments of the abuse (i.e. why it happened, who was responsible etc).
If these avenues are explored, the traumatic events are faced and processed by necessity. The abuse can no longer remain frozen in time and continue to maintain the survivors status quo. The status quo that includes beliefs about vulnerability, helplessness, mistrust, stigmatisation, with a negative view of self and others. During this phase the abused child is integrated with the adult self so that they work together as a unified whole rather than being split and working against each other. Emphasis is also placed on cognitive restructuring, educating the survivor and the formulation of new coping strategies. Through this sort of trauma processing a clear line is drawn between the past and the present leaving the individual feeling more in control and determined to deal with the impacts the abuse has had on their lives.

It is at this stage that a stronger sense of self and changes in world view evolve and new coping skills can be incorporated into their behavioural repertoire. At this stage the survivor actively engages in healing making decisions about the options open to them. This is also a stage of exploration of possibilities which can lead the survivor further along the path to integration. This is a good time for group work, self-esteem and assertiveness training, stress management and/or self-defence classes.

The last phase of the healing process is the TERMINATION PHASE. This involves empowering the survivor to make their own choices and decisions without relying on the counsellor. It includes the survivor’s separation from the counselling process while establishing support networks. These might include self-help support groups as well as supportive friends, partners, or family members.

Treatment Approaches

Treatment of adult survivors of childhood sexual assault incorporates a number of therapeutic approaches which reflect major the theoretical schools of therapy, emotional, cognitive and behavioural. Experiential or exploratory techniques focus on accessing emotions, re-experiencing the trauma and integrating these with the adult self. Cognitive therapy aims to identify the survivor’s distorted cognitions of themselves, others and the world and attempts to replace these with more accurate and realistic cognitions. Behavioural therapies focus on enhancing the survivor’s behavioural repertoire through the acquisition of more adaptive behavioural responses, coping strategies and learning new skills.

Adult Survivors of
Child Sexual Abuse
Who Is an Adult Survivor of
Child Sexual Abuse ?

An individual who was sexually abused
as a child is an adult survivor of child
sexual abuse. This abuse may have had
long-term effects on the survivor’s life.
In most instances, the victim of the
abuse never discussed the abuse with
others while it was occurring. This
individual is learning now, as an adult,
to deal with the effects of the abuse.
The term `survivor’ is used, instead of
the term `victim’, because the
individual has survived the childhood
sexual abuse. The term is used in
recognition of the strengths of the
individual who has survived.
Child sexual abuse occurs when a
child is used for the sexual gratification
of an older adolescent or adult. It also
involves the abuse of power that an
adult has over a child. The sexual abuse
may be used by the adult as a means of
fulfilling his need to be powerful.(1)
Sexual abuse occurs across all
communities regardless of race,
religion, cultural heritage, social or
economic status.
According to the Committee on Sexual
Offences Against Children and Youth
(commonly known as The Badgley
Committee) 98.5% of abusers are male
and most victims are female.(2) For this
reason when referring to abusers the
ISBN 0-662-20918-4 Cat. H72-22/12-1993E
Information from…
The National Clearinghouse
on Family Violence
male personal pronoun will be used.
However, it is important to recognize
that boys and male adolescents are also
sexually abused. Male survivors may
recognize some of their experiences as
similar to those of female survivors.(3)
How Widespread Is
the Problem?
The most recent national Canadian
study (1984), conducted by the Badgley
Committee, estimates that about one in
two females and one in three males
have been victims of unwanted sexual
acts. Four in five of these acts were
committed against the person as a child
or youth.(4)
If you are dealing with the effects of
child sexual abuse, please remember
that you are not responsible for the
abuse. No one ever deserves to be
abused. As an adult, you can overcome
the effects the abuse may have on your
life.
Facts to Consider
l Many survivors, estimates are as high
as 50%, do not remember the abuse
until years after it has occurred.
Usually something in adulthood will
trigger the memory. Some are never
able to clearly recall the abuse.(5)
l Survivors often hold the distorted
belief that they are responsible for the
abuse perpetrated against them. This
results in feelings of extreme guilt
and self-blame. Most abusers tell
children that it is their own fault they
are being abused, shifting the blame
away from the abuser, where it
belongs, and placing it on the child.(6)
l A recent Canadian survey (1991) of
women serving federal sentences in
penitentiaries notes that 53% of the
women incarcerated stated that they
had been sexually abused at some
stage in their lives, most commonly
during childhood or adolescence.(7)
l Children with disabilities are
particularly at risk for sexual abuse.
Researchers evaluating the findings of
several incidence studies suggest that
the risk of sexual abuse is at least
50% higher for children with
disabilities than nondisabled children
of similar age and gender. As adults,
people with disabilities who have
been abused are further
disadvantaged by the fact that they
are frequently denied access to
counselling services and even when
services are accessible, they are
unable to meet the individual needs
of clients with disabilities.(8,9)
l Numerous studies have discussed the
direct relationship between child
sexual abuse and adolescent/adult
prostitution. The estimates range
from 76 to 90 % of prostitutes having
a history of child sexual abuse, the
most common form being incest (the
sexual abuse of a child by a family
member).(10,11)
l Survivors are revealing in increasing
numbers that they have been victims
of ritual abuse. Studies
indi-cate that this type of abuse,
2
which is characterized by its repetitive
and systematic severe sexual,
physical, psychological, and spiritual
abuse of children, is much more
prevalent than originally believed.
The after-effects are severe.(12,13)
Common Long-Term Effects
Each individual’s experiences and
reactions are unique to that individual.
However, with so many survivors
breaking the silence and talking about
their experiences, it has become
apparent that there are some responses
to child sexual abuse that are common
to many survivors.
l Feelings of extremely low self-esteem
or self-hatred are common in
survivors. Extreme depression is
something with which survivors also
battle.
l Survivors often experience frequent
sleep disturbances and nightmares.
Links have been made between this
and the fact that children are often
sexually abused in their rooms, in
their own beds.
l Trust is a crucial issue for many
survivors throughout their lives. They
were betrayed by the very people
who cared for them, who insisted
they loved them even while abusing
them. Often, a sense of a just world is
denied children who are sexually
abused. Learning to trust can be next
to impossible under these
circumstances.(14)
l Revictimization describes the process
whereby women who were sexually
abused as children frequently find
themselves in abusive, dangerous
situations or relationships as adults.
Diana E.H. Russell found in her study
(1986) that there is a strong
relationship between incestuous
abuse and later experiences of sexual
assault, wife abuse and other forms of
sexual victimization.(15)
l Survivors with disabilities who
experienced sexual abuse in
childhood might never have reached
a level of independence to escape this
abuse and it has become a way of life.
Even if they do leave an abusive
home, they could continue to be
abused by family, caregivers and
professionals.
l Flashbacks can be frightening
experiences, not only for the
survivors, but for those around them.
During a `flashback’, the survivor
re-experiences the sexual abuse as if
it were occurring at that moment. It is
usually accompanied by visual
images, or flashes of images, of the
abuse. This is one of the ways of
remembering the abuse. Flashbacks
are often triggered by an event,
action, or even a smell that is
reminiscent of the sexual abuse or the
abuser.(16)
l Dissociation refers to the ability to
escape stressful or harmful situations
by creating another place for the
mind to go. The intense pain of
sexual abuse creates a situation
where the victim, in order to cope,
3
must try to dissociate from her body
to leave the situation the only way
she can. In simpler terms, it can be
described as a type of daydreaming, a
need to find a place for the mind (and
ultimately one’s self) to hide while
being sexually abused.(17)
l Multiple personality can occur among
survivors of child sexual abuse. When
the abuse is severe, dissociation or
`splitting’ can become the only means
of escape. By splitting, other alter
personalities develop to help the
individual survive the abuse. In a
recent study of 185 people in
treatment for multiple personality,
98% had experienced sexual abuse in
childhood. Multiple personality is
described as the process of dividing
one’s self up into many different parts
to handle the many painful
experiences of the past.(18)
Coping Mechanisms
Coping mechanisms can also be
described as Survival Strategies. These
strategies have been utilized by
survivors in the past, or they are using
them at present to help numb the pain
of the abuse. They are also used to
control feelings, which may threaten to
overwhelm survivors.
Survivors may have experienced or are
presently experiencing problems
associated with drugs, alcohol,
food/eating, and/or self-injury.
l Recent studies have shown a
relationship between the frequency of
drug use and a history of childhood
sexual abuse.(19,20)
l A similar relationship has been noted
with the development of alcoholism
and the impact of childhood sexual
abuse.(21)
l Eating difficulties are common to
female survivors. They may develop
anorexia nervosa or bulimia. For a
survivor, compulsive control of food
intake can be a way of exerting
control over her body, control that
was denied when she was being
abused.(22)
l Some survivors injure themselves,
hurting their bodies by burning,
slashing or cutting. The reasons for
this behaviour vary. It can be a way
of relieving unbearable anxiety,
triggered by memories of the abuse. It
can also develop as a way of dealing
with and confronting strong, painful
emotions, “using new pain to hide
old pain”. (23)
A Word to Survivors
If you find yourself using any of these
strategies, it does not mean that you are
`seriously ill’ or `beyond help’. You did
(or are doing) whatever was necessary
for you to survive. However, these
strategies may be endangering your
health. Now, as an adult, you can
choose to change these behaviours.
4
Coping with the above-mentioned
experiences leads many survivors to
feel overwhelmed, or that they are
`going crazy’. These feelings are
completely understandable. Think of
these experiences and feelings as
reactions to trauma that occurred when
you were a child. This may be your way
of dealing with that trauma. It is
especially difficult if you have been
living with these feelings locked up
inside of you for a long time.
Some of the survival strategies that
children use to survive sexual abuse
can also become strengths as they grow
older. For example, being a hard
worker, having a sense of humour,
handling crisis situations well, are skills
that many survivors develop. These
skills help them move beyond surviving
to thriving.(24)
If you are a survivor, or suspect you
might be, talk to someone about it.
It is important that you find someone
to talk to about your experiences and
feelings, either someone you know and
trust, or a counsellor. If this is not an
option for you right now, reading or
viewing some of the material suggested
below may be helpful.
Where to Go for Help
l Your local/regional sexual assault or
rape crisis centre. The phone number
can usually be found on the second
page of the telephone book with
other emergency numbers.
l If there is no sexual assault centre in
your area, contact a local women’s
shelter or transition house.
l Community health centres, mental
health clinics and family service
centres may have counsellors who
have worked with survivors before.
They may also be able to refer you to
a self-help group for survivors in your
area.
l The hospital in your area may offer
counselling services for survivors.
What to Do if Someone Tells You
He/She Was Sexually Abused
l Do not judge, condemn or criticize.
l Believe the person.
l Respond in a caring manner and ask
them how you can help.
l Encourage the survivor to get support.
Information and support are also
available for families and friends of
survivors at the locations listed above.
Suggested Reading
Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, The Courage
to Heal, New York: Harper & Row, 1988.
Euan Bear with Peter T. Dimock, Adults
Molested as Children: A Survivor’s Manual
for Women and Men, Orwell, Vermont:
Safer Society Press, 1988.
E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors, New
York: John Wiley and Sons, 1990.
5
Elly Danica, Don’t, a woman’s word,
Charlottetown, P.E.I.: Gynergy Books,
1988.
Mike Lew, Victims No Longer: Men
Recovering from Incest and Other Childhood
Sexual Abuse, New York: Perennial
Library, 1990.
Wendy Maltz and Beverly Holman,
Incest and Sexuality: A Guide to
Understanding and Healing, Lexington,
MA: Lexington Books,1987.
Tony Martens with Brenda Daily and
Maggie Hodgson, The Spirit Weeps (2nd
ed.), Edmonton, AB: Nechi Institute,
1988.
Jillian Ridington, Beating the “Odds”:
Violence and Women with Disabilities,
Vancouver: DAWN Canada, 1989.
Gail E. Wyatt and Gloria J. Powell, eds.,
Lasting Effects of Child Sexual Abuse,
Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications,
1988.
Suggested Viewing *
To A Safer Place / L’Enfant dans le mur
Sandra’s Garden
Counselling the Sexual Abuse Survivor : A
New Perspective
* These films, along with 90 others on family
violence, are listed in the Family Violence
Audio-Visual Catalogue – National Clearinghouse
on Family Violence. They can be borrowed
through the regional offices of the National Film
Board.
Endnotes
1. For a more detailed definition of child
sexual abuse see “The National
Clearinghouse on Family Violence Fact
Sheet on Child Sexual Abuse,” NCFV;
January 1990.
2. Robin Badgley et al., Sexual Offences Against
Children: Report of the Committee on Sexual
Offences Against Children and Youths V1,
(Ottawa: Supply and Services Canada,
1984), p.215.
3. Debra F. Bruckner and Peter E. Johnson,
“Treatment for Adult Male Victims of
Childhood Sexual Abuse”, Social Casework:
The Journal of Contemporary Social Work,
(February 1987), pp. 81-87.
4. Robin Badgley et al., Sexual Offences Against
Children: Report of the Committee on Sexual
Offences Against Children and Youths V1,
(Ottawa: Supply and Services Canada,
1984), p.175.
5. Wendy Maltz and Beverly Holman, Incest
and Sexuality: A Guide to Understanding and
Healing (Toronto: Lexington Books, 1987),
p. 4.
6. Derek Jehu, “Mood Disturbances Among
Women Clients Sexually Abused in
Childhood”, Journal of Interpersonal
Violence, 4(2), 1989, pp. 164-184.
7. Margaret Shaw et al., “Survey of Federally
Sentenced Women: Report of the Task
Force on Federally Sentenced Women on
the Prison Survey ” No. 1991-4,
(Corrections Branch, Solicitor General of
Canada), pp. 30-31.
6
8. Dick Sobsey and Connie Varnhagen,
“Sexual Abuse, Assault and Exploitation
of Individuals with Disabilities”. In
C. Bagley and R.J. Thomlinson (Eds.).
Child Sexual Abuse: Critical Perspectives on
Prevention, Intervention and Treatment
(Toronto: Wall and Emerson, 1991),
pp. 203-216.
9. Mansell, S., Sobsey, D. and Calder, P.,
“Sexual Abuse Treatment for Persons with
a Developmental Disability”, Professional
Psychology: Research and Practice. V23, 1992,
pp. 404-409
10. D.Kelly Weisberg, Children of the Night: A
Study of Adolescent Prostitution, (Lexington,
MA: Lexington Books, 1985) p.91.
11. Solicitor General Canada, “A Report on
Juvenile Prostitution”, December 1985.
12. Susan J. Kelley, “Ritualistic Abuse of
Children: Dynamics and Impact”, Cultic
Studies Journal, V5(2),1988, pp. 228-236.
13. Cheryl Waterwomon, “One Survivor’s
Experience of Ritual Abuse”, Canadian
Women’s Studies V2(4),1991, pp. 70-72.
14. Sylvia B. Patten et al. “Posttraumatic Stress
Disorder and the Treatment of Sexual
Abuse” Social Work, May 1989, pp.
197-203.
15.Diana E.H. Russell, The Secret Trauma: Incest
in the Lives of Girls and Women, (New York:
Basic Books, Inc.,1986), pp. 157-173.
16. Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. The Courage to
Heal. (New York: Harper & Row), 1988,
p. 73.
17. Candace Holmstrom, “Counselling
Survivors of Sexual Abuse”, Psychiatric
Nursing, October, November, December
1988, pp. 6-10.
18. Margo Rivera, Multiple personality: an
outcome of child abuse.(Toronto:
Education/Dissociation, 1991).
19. Patricia Ann Harrison et al.,”Differential
Drug Use Patterns Among Sexually
Abused Adolescent Girls in Treatment for
Chemical Dependency”, The International
Journal of the Addictions, V24(6), 1989,
p. 499-514.
20. Judith Groenveld and Martin Shain, Drug
Use Among Victims of Physical and Sexual
Abuse: A Preliminary Report, Addiction
Research Foundation, July 1989.
21. Brenda A. Miller et al., “The Role of
Childhood Sexual Abuse in the
Development of Alcoholism in Women”,
Violence and Victims, V2(3), 1987,
pp. 157-172.
22. Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, The Courage to
Heal,. (New York: Harper & Row), 1988.
p. 217.
23. John Briere, Therapy for Adults Molested as
Children: Beyond Survival. (New York:
Springer Publishing Company), 1989.

This document was prepared by
Kathryn Ann Hill. The contributions of
the following individuals are gratefully
acknowledged: Sandra Butler, author
Conspiracy of Silence; Judie
McSkimmings, Ottawa Rape Crisis
Centre; Shirley Masuda, Disabled
Women’s Network Canada (DAWN);
Fabienne Pierre-Jacques, Studio”D”,
National Film Board; Deborah Trent,
Centre pour les victimes d’agression
sexuelle de Montréal; Vera Lagasse,
Gordon Phaneuf, Barbara Merriam,
Femmy Mes, Joan Simpson, and
Katherine Stewart, Health Canada.

Overcome Depression

Natural Treatment for Clinical Depression

One of the byproducts of our contemporary isolated life is depression. Depression can have devastating effects on our mind and body, the activities that we used to enjoy with friends and family could become lifeless.

Taking anti-depressants such as Prozac can be a mental and physical roller coaster. There are three problems with the anti-depressant drugs currently available on the market.

First, they fail to correct the behaviors that contribute to depression, or even show direction towards behavioral modifications, so the disorder recurs. Second, they do not improve the body’s own mechanisms for rectifying such disorders; rather, they temporarily force a change that gives symptomatic relief. Third, for some the severe side effects of these drugs can create major implications.

Worse yet, studies show for many people there are no drugs that can help. It is truly sad to hear about how many people commit suicide even when they are taking drugs regularly. Below you will find four natural ways to overcome depression without the use of any drugs.

1. Simple Brain Shift
One of the best techniques neuroscience research and brain mapping have developed is Brainswitching. Brainswitching is a power cognitive behavioral therapy that can be just as effective as anti-depressants.

Depression exists in the emotional part of the brain. Brainswitching uses basic mental exercises to switch the neuronal activity from the emotional part of the brain (the subcortex) to the thinking part of the brain (the neocortex) which does not have the capacity for depression.

Here’s an example of Brainswitching that you can try for yourself. Lets say you find yourself being depressed, instead of thinking “I am so down and depressed” make yourself busy with some trivial logical exercises or games. At such a time you can play games that involve logical thinking (chess, soduku, online puzzles, etc) or simply close your eyes and in your mind start singing your favorite song with full concentration. Refuse to think that you are depressed.

Concentrating your mind on some thought or song will block the cognitive awareness of the depression going on in the subcortex, the emotional part of your brain. This technique will increase the neuronal activity in the neocortex and decrease it in the subcortex, thus correcting the chemical imbalance that feeds depression.

2. Omega-3 fatty acids.

Omega-3’s aid in the brain’s neuron connectivity and are important components of nerve cell membranes. People who do not get enough omega-3 fatty acids in their diet may be at an increased risk for depression. They help nerve cells communicate with each other, which is a vital step in maintaining good mental health.

Studies show that people who ate a healthy diet consisting of fatty fish 2-to-3 times per week for 5 years experienced a significant reduction in feelings of depression and hostility. If fish is not a regular part of your diet you can also take omega 3 fatty acids in a vitamin pill form (1000mg daily dosage).

Omega-3 Fatty acids are not only helpful for overcoming depression, but they are also used as treatment in diabetes, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, High Blood Pressure, Arthritis, and many more.

3. Aerobic Exercise
“A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work.” – Geoffrey Norman

“Scientists recently discovered that exercise is as effective in fighting depression as Prozac and Xanax. Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you.” – Bill Maher

Exercise and fresh air play a big part in keeping depression and mood swings at bay. By aiming to get outside and jogging at least three times a week for half an hour at a time helps you clear your hear, think straight and aids concentration. It also gives you that ‘runner’s high’ by releasing your endorphins that can instantly cheer you up.

Exercising is a good way to work through and release stress as well. It does not have to be fast paced jogging or running, just get your heart rate up to120 to 160 beats per minute depending on your age and condition.

Now an expanding body of research shows that exercise can improve the performance of the brain by boosting memory and cognitive processing speed. Exercise can, in fact, create a stronger, faster brain. This is possible because researchers believe that exercise can help the brain produce more seratonin which could prompt new neurons to grow. Low levels of seratonin have been associated with clinical depression.

Most antidepressant medications, such as Prozac, enhance the effectiveness of serotonin. Interestingly, these drugs take three to four weeks to begin working — about the same time required for new neurons to form and mature. So the reason these drugs could be effective during depression is because they increase neurogenesis. Just as exercise does.

4. Sleep

Improper sleeping patterns are both the cause and consequence of depression. So why does depression cause insomnia? The answer lies in the fact that people suffering from depression have a difficult time controlling the different mood and sleep hormones. The hormones you need to improve mood and energy are not the same ones you need to help you sleep.

Our body needs serotonin to be active and energetic during the day, and it needs melatonin to help us pull back and sleep. So if the body starts producing melatonin in the daytime it can cause us to feel dull, unstable, irritable and moody. Oftentimes, depression is the result of your body producing the wrong hormones at the wrong time of day.

This imbalance in the body clock can be caused from lack of sleep, stress, trauma, lack of light, or number of other factors. In scientific terms this is referred to as the Circadian Rhythm Disorder. Medical journals now report that depression is closely tied to circadian rhythm disorders. Being out in the sunlight for 30 minutes a day helps keep your internal body clock set. This daily rhythm helps to regulate our sleep/wake cycle and insures a good night’s sleep that helps our mental and physical health.

In addition to going out in the sun light here are some good sleeping habits you can follow to readjust the body clock.

No activities before going to sleep – You should strictly avoid adrenaline before going to sleep. Stay away from anything that is exciting or stressful and yes that includes exercise, TV, or even reading before going to sleep.

Follow a steady sleep routine – Try going to bed at the same time every night. We all know how working in shifts and jet-lag affect sleep: do not emulate them by going to bed at random times each day!

Go to bed early – By going to bed early you wake up naturally instead of being forced by an alarm clock, and it also prevents you from being out of sync with the solar cycle. Going to bed early allows your body to slow crash down and fall asleep.

Only use your bedroom for sleeping – Dedicate a seperate room for sleeping where you don’t do any work or stressful activities. This subconciously tells your body this is the place to sleep and your body slowly forms a habit of it.

Conclusion
Turn these tips in to a routine like brushing your teeth, so that they become a part of your daily life. You don’t think about them, you just do them!

If you take these natural steps everyday it can be very effective in overcoming depression. In fact, studies have shown these to be as effective (or even more so) than traditional therapies. Incorporating these natural steps in your daily life will not only help you overcome depression but also improve the general quality of your life.

Name: Lindsay k. 03.04.02

“Thesis statement is: Anitdepressants should be taken off the market.

Antidepressants should be taken off the market. Depression is simply a condition of the mind. Events that take place in ones life can bring upon a depressive episode. With the variety of people in the world, there comes a variety of ways in which people cope with things. Some people can cope with depression, when in turn, people that are emotionally unstable, cannot. With all of the antidepressants on the market today, people are becoming dependent on these drugs that virtually ?mess with their heads? rather than ?clear their minds?. In the past, people dealt with depression without these ?happy pills? and did just fine coping and recuperating. Everyone gets depressed at some point in his or her lives; it?s part of our human nature. These so-called ?wonder drugs? may help in some aspects of the depressed person, but overall Prozac and its chemical cousins are nothing but problem pills. Antidepressants should be taken off of the market.

Doctors overly prescribe antidepressants to patients that don?t even need these drugs. That is one of the main problems with antidepressants. A person could walk into a doctor?s office, announce that he or she has been feeling down, and could walk out with a prescription for Zoloft. All doctors should more strictly enforce the distribution of antidepressants. The diagnosis of depression is the quick way to solve medical problems for doctors to their patients. Now days, regular family doctors can prescribe antidepressants when in the past, psychiatrists were the only types of doctors to prescribe such drugs.

Some antidepressants like Prozac for instance, can cause certain side effects to where many users are unable to stay on them long enough to derive any real benefit. In fact, Prozac?s manufacturer admits that 35% of all patients receiving Prozac in pre-release trials stopped taking it due to adverse reactions. A vast personality change is another effect. Some users reported that after being on Zoloft for two months (which is the time it takes for their bodies to become chemically dependent) one day without their pill would make them more on edge, more reluctant to ?snap? at people and more sensitive to others remarks. The depressed patients also reported feeling dependent on the drug and without it, they felt they would not be able to function how the normally would. Once a person starts taking any type of antidepressant, that person cannot just stop taking the pills cold turkey. The patient must take lower doses gradually over time until he or she is down to the lowest dosage possible. This can take up to one month just to get off antidepressants. Then he or she can stop with the pills. Now, is a pill really worth all of the struggle?

Many people think the only way to conquer depression is by popping a pill. In some cases though, antidepressants are beneficial to those with chemical disorder, but there are certainly alternatives. Psychotherapy is one alternative. Simply having talking sessions with the depressed patient, helping them come to the realization that he or she is not alone, and coming up with solutions to situations are helpful. Also, looking at the bright side of things in with optimistic point of view rather than a pessimistic view. Another way of dealing with depression is conquering it by ones self. It may be a struggle, and take some work, but certain depressive episodes can be turn upside down with a little will power and some hard work. Again, certain people may need more serious help and a last resort may be turning to antidepressants for additional help.
Depression is simply a condition of the mind. Events that take place in ones life can bring upon a depressive episode. With the variety of people in the world, there comes a variety of ways in which people cope with things. Some people can cope with depression, when in turn, people that are emotionally unstable, cannot. With all of the antidepressants on the market today, people are becoming dependent on these drugs that virtually ?mess with their heads? rather than ?clear their minds?. In the past, people dealt with depression without these ?happy pills? and did just fine coping and recuperating. Everyone gets depressed at some point in his or her lives; it?s part of our human nature. These so-called ?wonder drugs? may help in some aspects of the depressed person, but overall Prozac and its chemical cousins are nothing but problem pills. Antidepressants should be taken off of the market.

Doctors overly prescribe antidepressants to patients that don?t even need these drugs. That is one of the main problems with antidepressants. A person could walk into a doctor?s office, announce that he or she has been feeling down, and could walk out with a prescription for Zoloft. All doctors should more strictly enforce the distribution of antidepressants. The diagnosis of depression is the quick way to solve medical problems for doctors to their patients. Now days, regular family doctors can prescribe antidepressants when in the past, psychiatrists were the only types of doctors to prescribe such drugs.

Some antidepressants like Prozac for instance, can cause certain side effects to where many users are unable to stay on them long enough to derive any real benefit. In fact, Prozac?s manufacturer admits that 35% of all patients receiving Prozac in pre-release trials stopped taking it due to adverse reactions. A vast personality change is another effect. Some users reported that after being on Zoloft for two months (which is the time it takes for their bodies to become chemically dependent) one day without their pill would make them more on edge, more reluctant to ?snap? at people and more sensitive to others remarks. The depressed patients also reported feeling dependent on the drug and without it, they felt they would not be able to function how the normally would. Once a person starts taking any type of antidepressant, that person cannot just stop taking the pills cold turkey. The patient must take lower doses gradually over time until he or she is down to the lowest dosage possible. This can take up to one month just to get off antidepressants. Then he or she can stop with the pills. Now, is a pill really worth all of the struggle?

Many people think the only way to conquer depression is by popping a pill. In some cases though, antidepressants are beneficial to those with chemical disorder, but there are certainly alternatives. Psychotherapy is one alternative. Simply having talking sessions with the depressed patient, helping them come to the realization that he or she is not alone, and coming up with solutions to situations are helpful. Also, looking at the bright side of things in with optimistic point of view rather than a pessimistic view. Another way of dealing with depression is conquering it by ones self. It may be a struggle, and take some work, but certain depressive episodes can be turn upside down with a little will power and some hard work. Again, certain people may need more serious help and a last resort may be turning to antidepressants for additional help.

Depression is a problem concerning millions of Americans each year. If every person just turns to pills to cure his or her problems, the problems of each person will just flourish with added anxiety and struggles that go along with taking antidepressants. People need to take control of his or her own situations to put up a better fight in their lives and stop letting these stupid little pills take control of them.Depression is simply a condition of the mind. Events that take place in ones life can bring upon a depressive episode. With the variety of people in the world, there comes a variety of ways in which people cope with things. Some people can cope with depression, when in turn, people that are emotionally unstable, cannot. With all of the antidepressants on the market today, people are becoming dependent on these drugs that virtually ?mess with their heads? rather than ?clear their minds?. In the past, people dealt with depression without these ?happy pills? and did just fine coping and recuperating. Everyone gets depressed at some point in his or her lives; it?s part of our human nature. These so-called ?wonder drugs? may help in some aspects of the depressed person, but overall Prozac and its chemical cousins are nothing but problem pills. Antidepressants should be taken off of the market.

Doctors overly prescribe antidepressants to patients that don?t even need these drugs. That is one of the main problems with antidepressants. A person could walk into a doctor?s office, announce that he or she has been feeling down, and could walk out with a prescription for Zoloft. All doctors should more strictly enforce the distribution of antidepressants. The diagnosis of depression is the quick way to solve medical problems for doctors to their patients. Now days, regular family doctors can prescribe antidepressants when in the past, psychiatrists were the only types of doctors to prescribe such drugs.

Some antidepressants like Prozac for instance, can cause certain side effects to where many users are unable to stay on them long enough to derive any real benefit. In fact, Prozac?s manufacturer admits that 35% of all patients receiving Prozac in pre-release trials stopped taking it due to adverse reactions. A vast personality change is another effect. Some users reported that after being on Zoloft for two months (which is the time it takes for their bodies to become chemically dependent) one day without their pill would make them more on edge, more reluctant to ?snap? at people and more sensitive to others remarks. The depressed patients also reported feeling dependent on the drug and without it, they felt they would not be able to function how the normally would. Once a person starts taking any type of antidepressant, that person cannot just stop taking the pills cold turkey. The patient must take lower doses gradually over time until he or she is down to the lowest dosage possible. This can take up to one month just to get off antidepressants. Then he or she can stop with the pills. Now, is a pill really worth all of the struggle?

Many people think the only way to conquer depression is by popping a pill. In some cases though, antidepressants are beneficial to those with chemical disorder, but there are certainly alternatives. Psychotherapy is one alternative. Simply having talking sessions with the depressed patient, helping them come to the realization that he or she is not alone, and coming up with solutions to situations are helpful. Also, looking at the bright side of things in with optimistic point of view rather than a pessimistic view. Another way of dealing with depression is conquering it by ones self. It may be a struggle, and take some work, but certain depressive episodes can be turn upside down with a little will power and some hard work. Again, certain people may need more serious help and a last resort may be turning to antidepressants for additional help.

Depression is a problem concerning millions of Americans each year. If every person just turns to pills to cure his or her problems, the problems of each person will just flourish with added anxiety and struggles that go along with taking antidepressants. People need to take control of his or her own situations to put up a better fight in their lives and stop letting these stupid little pills take control of them.

Depression is a problem concerning millions of Americans each year. If every person just turns to pills to cure his or her problems, the problems of each person will just flourish with added anxiety and struggles that go along with taking antidepressants. People need to take control of his or her own situations to put up a better fight in their lives and stop letting these stupid little pills take control of them.

Do Antidepressants Really Work?Do Antidepressants Really Work?

Is anxiety and depression a medical condition requiring medication, doctors and drugs?

I do not believe depression is completely a medical condition. Depression is only 20% biological. Healthy brain chemistry is the result of a healthy diet, lifestyle, work or exercise regime, and loving supportive relationships. Love and support in your relationships also helps produce serotonin (brain chemical of satisfaction, comfort and relaxation) creating and maintaining healthy brain chemistry. Exercise also balances brain chemistry through the production of endorphins, and together with correct diet the production of dopamine (brain chemical of clarity, attention, interest and motivation). Doctors are right that depression is an imbalance of brain chemistry, but the causes of this are variable and changeable environmental variables. So treating someone with antidepressant medication is ignoring the real issues.

Do antidepressant medications really work, such as Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI’s) like Paroxetine (Paxil), Sertraline (Zoloft) and Fluoxetine (Prozac)? Plastered all over newspapers recently is an investigation carried out by British scientists and medical researchers who are suggesting that these types of antidepressants work little better than placebos and have no real effectiveness. This is what I have always believed. I would NEVER recommend pharmaceutical medication for anxiety and depression.

Antidepressants may be nothing more that an unhealthy dependency or a moneymaking operation at others expense. It is as if the medical industry prefer to keep people sick and in darkness for the sake of making money, rather than investigate and reveal real treatments for depression. Doctors do not have the time and resources to treat depression. Antidepressants may just be a way of fobbing patients off until time manages to heal.

I think doctors generally do a good job. For example a little while ago I was ill in India with food poisoning and a doctor came to my hotel room and gave me a course of antibiotics, a drug for the fever and something for the diarrhoea. Within a day I was cured. That was a biological issue requiring medical help and the doctor did a great job. This is what doctors are good at. But for mental health issues it is a different story.

The medical algorithm for treating depression is completely wrong. How many doctors first ask about diet before they prescribe antidepressant medications? Not very many. How many suggest trying exercise first before taking antidepressants? Not very many. How many ask about relationships, sex life, lifestyle or spiritual issues before administrating a drug that may be capable of doing more harm that good? Not very many. How many doctors suggest self help books? Probably a few. If this is all the help people get from the establishment then there is no wonder we have so many suicides and depressed people. There is a need to help people be responsible for their own health and well being, rather than creating an unhealthy dependency on doctors or the medical profession for mental health issues.

Doctors may even have little faith in antidepressants themselves, but they administer these drugs anyway. The medical industry may be too frightened to look into depression more seriously because it may undermine and devalue the structure and model of the medical system. Doctors should do more to educate people on all available treatments. There is a lack of mainstream holistic health information available for depression. I can not think of a logical reason to put someone on antidepressant medication other than to make money or to keep people in depression.

My experience with antidepressants and doctors

I have seen antidepressant medications destroy people and create more hell than good. In some cases they can become a dependency like alcoholism. In my own family the main problem was that my Father was addicted to a Benzodiazepine called Lorazepam (Ativan). This is like a short term narcotic used to treat anxiety. Lorazepam (Ativan) is meant to be used for short periods of time, such as when patients are in hospital. At the time he had been on this drug for around 25 years- well before I was born. This meant he was never fully present in life. He was always tired, spending most of his day sleeping, withdrawn, depressed, irritable, abusive, critical, argumentative, ill tempered and in some kind of weird altered anxiety state- making it a horrible weird environment to live in. My Mother was the worst culprit for ignoring and denying that any problem existed, at the expense of her children. This type of dysfunctional family setup often happens with alcoholism.

This was the family secret. I only found out about this when I was 17 years old. At that time I had also been prescribed Sertraline (Zoloft) for depression and anxiety. These drugs caused me a lot of negative side effects such as further depression and nausea. My body reacted by coming out in a huge rash- especially on my hands. My hands were completely raw. I had to stop taking the medication.

Looking up Lorazepam (Ativan) on the internet showed me that my Dad should not be taking this medication. After over 20 years of taking this, it was probably causing brain damage. When he was younger he also had electroshock therapy. I was deeply disturbed by this. I told him he should come off these tablets. He said it was difficult because he had been depending on them for over 20 years. I could not believe that the doctor was allowing him to repeat his prescription for this long. When I spoke to my Mother she shouted at me and told me not to mention anything to him, that he will never be able to come off these tablets, because it would be like coming of of Heroine. After a few years my Dad had another doctor who insisted that he come off this drug and now he is a normal friendly person who you can relate to.

I was once put on an a drug called, Quetiapine (Seroquel). I found out this was classed as an anti-psychotic drug, so that made me even more nervous and worried that I was crazy. I went back and was told that it was also used occasionally for severe anxiety. I then started to feel even more depressed because I was taking prescribed drugs. It made me feel like there was something seriously wrong with me. So I went back to the doctor and explained that I am depressed but I feel strong enough to handle this myself without any medication. His response was to give me ANOTHER drug to take AS WELL. He gave me Paroxetine (Paxil) to take as well. What a joke. I could not believe it. After an argument with the doctor I was convinced to take both medications. I was already under a powerful tranquillizer, Quetiapine (Seroquel) used to suppress the central nervous system or to sedate people with schizophrenia. So now he wanted to throw in ANOTHER drug on top of that.

I eventually threw my medication away. Sedating someone with anxiety is not going to address any REAL problems or causes of anxiety. The problem is the causes- NOT the symptoms. In my experience these doctors are not qualified to treat depression and anxiety. In medical school some doctors may have only had a few weeks training on anxiety and depression. A while back I went to a seminar and met somebody who used to council psychiatrists in the late 1970s. A lot of psychiatrists used to come to him because they felt suicidal. When asked why they felt like this, they said that it was because they have NEVER actually cured anybody. And that is the case. Although we like to depend on doctors or psychiatrists for our mental well being, a lot of time these people have never actually cured anybody.

I would say that the biggest cause of anxiety and depression in my family was down to prescribed drugs and dependency on doctors, or a misunderstanding that doctors can actually help in these circumstances. If I had carried on listening and depending on doctors I would probably still be taking medication up until this day. And who knows, they may have thrown in another third drug as well? If I had been taking these powerful drugs for years to come, who knows what could have happened to my body? I could have experienced brain damage or liver damage.

I received no beneficial help from the medical establishment and at the time there was no alternative help on the internet- I had to go on a soul search to find knowledge, happiness and peace in my life. I had to do it all on my own without any medication, practising the techniques that you will find on this website for healing. After taking up meditation and yoga I was on my way to happiness. I managed to experience a lot of healing in my life.

If you insist on taking something for anxiety and depression then look at other alternatives first. Cassava (yucca) powder is one of the highest serotonin-producing foods- if you want an extra boost of serotonin. Maca Root Power is a densely nutritious and energising super food from Puru. This will give you a good boost of dopamine. This has no negative side-effects and is full of high amounts of vitamins, minerals, enzymes and all the essential amino acids. It is a healthy replacement for caffeine, boosts energy, stamina, helps give clarity and is an aphrodisiac for both males and females. Please read the Diet and Exercise Solution by John Gray.
Is anxiety and depression a medical condition requiring medication, doctors and drugs?

I do not believe depression is completely a medical condition. Depression is only 20% biological. Healthy brain chemistry is the result of a healthy diet, lifestyle, work or exercise regime, and loving supportive relationships. Love and support in your relationships also helps produce serotonin (brain chemical of satisfaction, comfort and relaxation) creating and maintaining healthy brain chemistry. Exercise also balances brain chemistry through the production of endorphins, and together with correct diet the production of dopamine (brain chemical of clarity, attention, interest and motivation). Doctors are right that depression is an imbalance of brain chemistry, but the causes of this are variable and changeable environmental variables. So treating someone with antidepressant medication is ignoring the real issues.

Do antidepressant medications really work, such as Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI’s) like Paroxetine (Paxil), Sertraline (Zoloft) and Fluoxetine (Prozac)? Plastered all over newspapers recently is an investigation carried out by British scientists and medical researchers who are suggesting that these types of antidepressants work little better than placebos and have no real effectiveness. This is what I have always believed. I would NEVER recommend pharmaceutical medication for anxiety and depression.

Antidepressants may be nothing more that an unhealthy dependency or a moneymaking operation at others expense. It is as if the medical industry prefer to keep people sick and in darkness for the sake of making money, rather than investigate and reveal real treatments for depression. Doctors do not have the time and resources to treat depression. Antidepressants may just be a way of fobbing patients off until time manages to heal.

I think doctors generally do a good job. For example a little while ago I was ill in India with food poisoning and a doctor came to my hotel room and gave me a course of antibiotics, a drug for the fever and something for the diarrhoea. Within a day I was cured. That was a biological issue requiring medical help and the doctor did a great job. This is what doctors are good at. But for mental health issues it is a different story.

The medical algorithm for treating depression is completely wrong. How many doctors first ask about diet before they prescribe antidepressant medications? Not very many. How many suggest trying exercise first before taking antidepressants? Not very many. How many ask about relationships, sex life, lifestyle or spiritual issues before administrating a drug that may be capable of doing more harm that good? Not very many. How many doctors suggest self help books? Probably a few. If this is all the help people get from the establishment then there is no wonder we have so many suicides and depressed people. There is a need to help people be responsible for their own health and well being, rather than creating an unhealthy dependency on doctors or the medical profession for mental health issues.

Doctors may even have little faith in antidepressants themselves, but they administer these drugs anyway. The medical industry may be too frightened to look into depression more seriously because it may undermine and devalue the structure and model of the medical system. Doctors should do more to educate people on all available treatments. There is a lack of mainstream holistic health information available for depression. I can not think of a logical reason to put someone on antidepressant medication other than to make money or to keep people in depression.

My experience with antidepressants and doctors

I have seen antidepressant medications destroy people and create more hell than good. In some cases they can become a dependency like alcoholism. In my own family the main problem was that my Father was addicted to a Benzodiazepine called Lorazepam (Ativan). This is like a short term narcotic used to treat anxiety. Lorazepam (Ativan) is meant to be used for short periods of time, such as when patients are in hospital. At the time he had been on this drug for around 25 years- well before I was born. This meant he was never fully present in life. He was always tired, spending most of his day sleeping, withdrawn, depressed, irritable, abusive, critical, argumentative, ill tempered and in some kind of weird altered anxiety state- making it a horrible weird environment to live in. My Mother was the worst culprit for ignoring and denying that any problem existed, at the expense of her children. This type of dysfunctional family setup often happens with alcoholism.

This was the family secret. I only found out about this when I was 17 years old. At that time I had also been prescribed Sertraline (Zoloft) for depression and anxiety. These drugs caused me a lot of negative side effects such as further depression and nausea. My body reacted by coming out in a huge rash- especially on my hands. My hands were completely raw. I had to stop taking the medication.

Looking up Lorazepam (Ativan) on the internet showed me that my Dad should not be taking this medication. After over 20 years of taking this, it was probably causing brain damage. When he was younger he also had electroshock therapy. I was deeply disturbed by this. I told him he should come off these tablets. He said it was difficult because he had been depending on them for over 20 years. I could not believe that the doctor was allowing him to repeat his prescription for this long. When I spoke to my Mother she shouted at me and told me not to mention anything to him, that he will never be able to come off these tablets, because it would be like coming of of Heroine. After a few years my Dad had another doctor who insisted that he come off this drug and now he is a normal friendly person who you can relate to.

I was once put on an a drug called, Quetiapine (Seroquel). I found out this was classed as an anti-psychotic drug, so that made me even more nervous and worried that I was crazy. I went back and was told that it was also used occasionally for severe anxiety. I then started to feel even more depressed because I was taking prescribed drugs. It made me feel like there was something seriously wrong with me. So I went back to the doctor and explained that I am depressed but I feel strong enough to handle this myself without any medication. His response was to give me ANOTHER drug to take AS WELL. He gave me Paroxetine (Paxil) to take as well. What a joke. I could not believe it. After an argument with the doctor I was convinced to take both medications. I was already under a powerful tranquillizer, Quetiapine (Seroquel) used to suppress the central nervous system or to sedate people with schizophrenia. So now he wanted to throw in ANOTHER drug on top of that.

I eventually threw my medication away. Sedating someone with anxiety is not going to address any REAL problems or causes of anxiety. The problem is the causes- NOT the symptoms. In my experience these doctors are not qualified to treat depression and anxiety. In medical school some doctors may have only had a few weeks training on anxiety and depression. A while back I went to a seminar and met somebody who used to council psychiatrists in the late 1970s. A lot of psychiatrists used to come to him because they felt suicidal. When asked why they felt like this, they said that it was because they have NEVER actually cured anybody. And that is the case. Although we like to depend on doctors or psychiatrists for our mental well being, a lot of time these people have never actually cured anybody.

I would say that the biggest cause of anxiety and depression in my family was down to prescribed drugs and dependency on doctors, or a misunderstanding that doctors can actually help in these circumstances. If I had carried on listening and depending on doctors I would probably still be taking medication up until this day. And who knows, they may have thrown in another third drug as well? If I had been taking these powerful drugs for years to come, who knows what could have happened to my body? I could have experienced brain damage or liver damage.

I received no beneficial help from the medical establishment and at the time there was no alternative help on the internet- I had to go on a soul search to find knowledge, happiness and peace in my life. I had to do it all on my own without any medication, practising the techniques that you will find on this website for healing. After taking up meditation and yoga I was on my way to happiness. I managed to experience a lot of healing in my life.

If you insist on taking something for anxiety and depression then look at other alternatives first. Cassava (yucca) powder is one of the highest serotonin-producing foods- if you want an extra boost of serotonin. Maca Root Power is a densely nutritious and energising super food from Puru. This will give you a good boost of dopamine. This has no negative side-effects and is full of high amounts of vitamins, minerals, enzymes and all the essential amino acids. It is a healthy replacement for caffeine, boosts energy, stamina, helps give clarity and is an aphrodisiac for both males and females. Please read the Diet and Exercise Solution by John Gray.

Divorce Rate Statistics

By Divorce Life

The Institution of Marriage can Withstand the High Divorce Rate Statistics
Available American divorce rate statistics do not paint a flattering picture about Americans in general, since it appears from these figures that one third of all marriages end in divorce in this country. These numbers should sound a warning bell in the minds of Americans to do something to stop this alarming rate of divorce. Also, those who are serving in the armed forces seem to be the victims of an even higher divorce statistic, increasing the concerns over marital stability even further.

Many More Divorces in the Army than in Civilian Life
The divorce rate statistics for the Army are serious enough to warrant counseling for the spouses of those who are serving overseas. Military divorces are not quite the same as a typical divorce, since civilians usually will have stopped communicating with one another at a particular point during their marriages. In many of the army divorces, communication between couples can take place in many ways. With husbands being away on military service, the risk of infidelity rises, thus contributing to higher divorce rate statistics as well.
That divorce is an area of concern among Americans can be seen with clarity when one looks at some of the divorce rate statistics available. It is believed that there were over a million divorces granted in 1997, and that there was a 4.1 percent rate of divorce per thousand populations in the year 1999. Of all the states having divorce rate statistics available, Massachusetts had the lowest instance of divorce with a mere 2.4 percent of the divorces being reported in the year 1997.
According to divorce rate statistics available, the state with the highest divorce rate is Nevada, which has a nine percent rate of divorce per thousand populations. Such are the alarming results of the United States divorce rate statistics, which is shown by the increasing numbers that will marry today and divorce tomorrow. It is believed that there are over a million children in the United States that will be affected by a divorce.
Will these high divorce rate statistics eventually lead Americans to reconsider marriage itself? The answer is thankfully negative, since walking down the aisle is still a popular routine among most Americans. In fact, it was found in a recent poll that almost all college students were considering getting married, or was already married. This in spite of the fact that, according to divorce rate statistics, almost one in every four Americans aged eighteen and over has been divorced. It only underscores the fact that high divorce rate statistics notwithstanding, the institution of marriage is still alive and living in the hearts and minds of most Americans. However, the question remains, will it still stand the test of time in the years to come?