How to Grow Your Marriage

The idea that you need to work on your marriage every single day is a tough one for many people to understand. They often think that it should be easy and just come naturally, and that if they do need to work on it, then there must be something wrong with their marriage mate or with the entire concept in the first place. In reality, this is far from the truth.

Think of a good marriage as being like having a good career. There may be many things you do in your job or career that come easily and naturally, and certain tasks or requirements that aren’t that difficult for you, but you probably work very hard every day to learn new things and to apply yourself to your job. Did you go to college or a trade school? Did you ever need to take evening classes to further your education, or sit through seminars that your employer offered? All of this means work and effort, and it’s the same with marriage. You need to constantly be applying yourself, taking on new tasks, and learning new ways of doing things in order for it to work.

Your career has probably changed much over the years as well. Think back to when you started this particular job or line of work. Are you doing the exact same thing in the exact same way? Probably not. There are few careers and jobs that stay the same; even fast food preparation is always upgrading to new machines or procedures. Your marriage is much the same. It changes over the years as your life just naturally changes. Children arrive and then eventually move out, you may need to move yourself physically to a new city or state, and you face different problems over the years as well. Just as you’ve had to adapt to new circumstances in your career, you need to adapt to new circumstances in your marriage as well. This takes work and effort.

Adapting to your spouse takes work on the marriage as well. We all change over the years, especially as our bodies get older and we face new problems and our likes and dislikes and values change as well. Some think that a person should never change from the first day of marriage, but this too is unrealistic. That person who used to love going out and dancing until dawn may now find that he or she is tired after a long day at work and taking care of the children and prefers to stay in. Those friends that you used to find amusing now just annoy you as being childish and immature. Things you used to love doing together have now gotten boring. Working on a marriage means adapting to these changes in your spouse as well. This might include finding new things to do together, finding new friends you both enjoy being with, and adjusting our own preferences to accommodate him or her. Again, this all takes work, but of course it’s worth it!

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Mommy, Do You Remember All Four Times You Had Sex?

By Amy Tuteur, MD (View Profile)

Mothering is marked by transcendent moments. I’ve had those moments while nursing my infants, watching my children in school plays and sports, and looking on proudly as they crossed the stage for graduations. This, however, is not about those moments. This is about teaching children the facts of life.

As a gynecologist, I always vowed that I would not subject my children to agricultural theories of human reproduction. None of that “daddy plants a seed” stuff for us. I planned on anatomically correct, age appropriate, completely truthful answers to any questions about sex. Each of my children learned where babies come from as soon as they asked, and each child got some version of “the talk.”

There were occasional complications; one child received his “talk” in a car at highway speeds. He was so embarrassed by the entire issue of sex that he always ran away when I attempted to discuss it. Only by giving him no option of escape could I make sure he learned the basics.

I was also motivated by my experiences as a practicing gynecologist. I have seen firsthand the results of the mistruths, half truths, and outright lies that pass for “information” among teens. The staggering toll of this misinformation is measured in unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. Often teens lack basic information because no one ever bothered to tell them the truth about sex, about birth control, or about protecting themselves.

Whenever I talked about sex with my young children, I had the best of intentions. So why did I often end up answering completely unanticipated questions while struggling desperately not to laugh?

While cooking dinner one evening, I was approached by the youngest of my four children. She asked, “Mommy, do you remember all four times you had sex?” I tried to look thoughtful while biting the inside of my cheek in an effort to avoid laughing.

“Actually,” I said, “I’ve had sex more than four times.”

Her eyes widened. “Why would anyone do that?”

“Sex is not only for making a baby,” I explained. “Most of the time people have sex because they enjoy sex itself.”

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Depression: Psychotherapy to Treat Depression

Psychotherapy is often the first form of treatment recommended for depression. Called “therapy” for short, the word psychotherapy actually involves a variety of treatment techniques. During psychotherapy, a person with depression talks to a licensed and trained mental healthcare professional who helps him or her identify and work through the factors that may be causing their depression.

Sometimes these factors work in combination with heredity or chemical imbalances in the brain to trigger depression. Taking care of the psychological and psychosocial aspects of depression is important.

How Does Psychotherapy Help Depression?
Psychotherapy helps people with depression:

Understand the behaviors, emotions, and ideas that contribute to his or her depression.
Understand and identify the life problems or events — like a major illness, a death in the family, a loss of a job or a divorce — that contribute to their depression and help them understand which aspects of those problems they may be able to solve or improve.
Regain a sense of control and pleasure in life.
Learn coping techniques and problem-solving skills.
Types of Therapy
Therapy can be given in a variety of formats, including:

Individual — This therapy involves only the patient and the therapist.
Group — Two or more patients may participate in therapy at the same time. Patients are able to share experiences and learn that others feel the same way, and have had the same experiences.
Marital/couples — This type of therapy helps spouses and partners understand why their loved one has depression, what changes in communication and behaviors can help, and what they can do to cope.
Family — Because family is a key part of the team that helps people with depression get better, it is sometimes helpful for family members to understand what their loved one is going through, how they themselves can cope, and what they can do to help.
Approaches to Therapy
While therapy can be done in different formats — like family, group, and individual — there are also several different approaches that mental health professionals can take to provide therapy. After talking with the patient about their depression, the therapist will decide which approach to use based on the suspected underlying factors contributing to the depression.

Psychodynamic Therapy
Psychodynamic therapy is based on the assumption that a person is depressed because of unresolved, generally unconscious conflicts, often stemming from childhood. The goal of this type of therapy is for the patient to understand and cope better with these feelings by talking about the experiences. Psychodynamic therapy is administered over a period of weeks to months to years.

Interpersonal Therapy
Interpersonal therapy focuses on the behaviors and interactions a depressed patient has with family and friends. The primary goal of this therapy is to improve communication skills and increase self-esteem during a short period of time. It usually lasts three to four months and works well for depression caused by mourning, relationship conflicts, major life events, and social isolation.

Psychodynamic and interpersonal therapies help patients resolve depression caused by:

Loss (grief)
Relationship conflicts
Role transitions (such as becoming a mother or a caregiver)
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Effects of child physical abuse

Home: Family & Friends: About Child Abuse: Child physical abuse

Child physical abuse damages children both physically and emotionally. The longer physical abuse of a child continues, the more serious the consequences. The initial effects of physical abuse are painful and emotionally traumatic for the child. The long-term consequences of physical abuse impact on the child in their adult life, on their family and on the community.

In the most extreme cases, physical abuse results in the death of the child.

Studies of physically abused children and their families indicate that a significant number of physical and psychological problems are associated with child physical abuse. Abused children compared with non-abused children may have more difficulty with academic performance, self-control, self-image and social relationships.

A recent US study comparing physically abused and non-abused children provided considerable evidence of the negative and lasting consequences of physical abuse. The physically abused children in the study experienced far greater problems at home, at school, amongst peers and in the community.12

Initial Effects of Child Physical Abuse

Immediate pain, suffering and medical problems in some cases death caused by physical injury.
Emotional problems such as anger, hostility, fear, anxiety, humiliation, lowered self-esteem and inability to express feelings.
Behavioural problems such as aggression by the child towards others or self-destructive behaviour, hyperactivity, truancy, inability to form friendships with peers and poor social skills. Poorer cognitive and language skills than non-abused children.
Long Term Consequences Of Child Physical Abuse

Long term physical disabilities, for example, brain damage or eye damage.
Disordered interpersonal relationships, for example, difficulty trusting others within adult relationships or violent relationships.
A predisposition to emotional disturbance.
Feelings of low self esteem.
Depression.
An increased potential for child abuse as a parent.
Drug or alcohol abuse.
The Social Cost Of Child Physical Abuse

The social and economic costs to our community of child physical abuse, whilst not always immediately obvious, are enormous. They include the financial costs of social welfare payments and services as well as the social cost to our community of problems such as mental illness, homelessness, crime and unemployment, which may occur in the adolescent or adult lives of physically abused children.

Failure to appreciate the costs may be an important reason why society lacks the will to aggressively deal with the problem.13

Early identification and effective intervention can ameliorate some initial effects and long term effects of child physical abuse and promote the recovery of victims.

Spanking Raises Risk of Later Sexual Problems
By PSYCH CENTRAL NEWS EDITOR
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on February 29, 2008
Children who are spanked are more likely to develop sexual problems as adults, according to new research presented yesterday.

A meta-analysis of spanking studies found 93 percent agreement among studies that spanking can lead to such problems as delinquent and anti-social behavior in childhood along with aggression, criminal and anti-social behavior and spousal or child abuse as an adult.

The researchers suggested that children whose parents spanked, slapped, hit or threw objects at them may have a greater chance of physically or verbally coercing a sexual partner, engaging in risky sexual behavior or engaging in masochistic sex, including sexual arousal by spanking. The researchers warned, however, that this is not a one-to-one or causal relationship.

The study also found that 90 percent of U.S. parents spank toddlers.

After 30 years of studying corporal punishment, Murray Straus, a spanking expert, concluded, “parents should never, ever spank because, although it does work, it’s no better than non-hitting methods that don’t have harmful side effects. If there was an FDA for spanking, they’d say use an alternative that doesn’t have harmful side effects.”

This analysis appears to be the first to link spanking with sexual problems, said Elizabeth Gershoff, an assistant professor of social work at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor, who reviewed 80 years of spanking research in 2002 in the APA’s Psychological Bulletin. However, Gershoff wanted to add that even though many parents spank their children, future problems often depend on how the children process the experience and whether they ultimately equate love with physical pain.

The data was presented on Thursday at the American Psychological Association’s Summit on Violence and Abuse in Relationships in Bethesda, Maryland.

Source: American Psychological Association

Couples Therapy

First, it is important to realize that couples therapy, marriage counseling and marital therapy are all the same. These different names have been used to describe the same process, with the difference often based on which psychotherapy theory is favored by the psychologist using the term, or whether an insurance company requires a specific name for reimbursement.

Couples therapy is often seen as different from psychotherapy because a relationship is the focus of attention, instead of one individual diagnosed with a specific psychological problem. This difference only arises if you consider psychological problems to be similar to medical illnesses, and therefore confined to a “sick” individual who needs treatment. That medical model of psychological diagnosis and treatment is common, but is really inadequate to describe and resolve psychological problems. All psychological problems, and all psychological changes, involve both individual symptoms (behavior, emotions, conflicts, thought processes) and changes in interpersonal relationships.

Couples therapy focuses on the problems existing in the relationship between two people. But, these relationship problems always involve individual symptoms and problems, as well as the relationship conflicts. For example, if you are constantly arguing with your spouse, you will probably also be chronically anxious, angry or depressed (or all three). Or, if you have difficulty controlling your temper, you will have more arguments with your partner.

In couples therapy, the psychologist will help you and your partner identify the conflict issues within your relationship, and will help you decide what changes are needed, in the relationship and in the behavior of each partner, for both of you to feel satisfied with the relationship.

These changes may be different ways of interacting within the relationship, or they may be individual changes related to personal psychological problems. Couples therapy involves learning how to communicate more effectively, and how to listen more closely. Couples must learn how to avoid competing with each other, and need to identify common life goals and how to share responsibilities within their relationship. Sometimes the process is very similar to individual psychotherapy, sometimes it is more like mediation, and sometimes it is educational. The combination of the these three components is what makes it effective.

Buzz up!
What is this?
What Fighting About Money Will Cost You
Couples who argue most about spending often end up with the smallest savings. How to kiss and make up — and grow your cash.

By Lisa Goff

Here’s a bit of advice you won’t find on the financial pages: Money isn’t worth fighting over. Those squabbles are not only bad for your marriage, they’re bad for your bank balance. The more you fight, the less likely you will be to decide on goals and pursue them as a team. Check out the common husband-wife scenarios below — any of them sound like your house? If so, read on to understand what you’re really trying to tell each other — and the best ways to stop bickering and start building your net worth.
He says: “At the end of the month, there’s never any money left over. Can’t you spend less on groceries?”
She says: “You’re so out of date on prices — the last time you shopped, Bush senior was in the White House.”
At almost 8 percent of overall household spending, groceries do bite a big chunk out of the monthly budget. But unless you’re indulging a secret passion for exotic vinegars or imported prosciutto, there’s probably not a lot of slack in your bill.
Get-rich scheme: “Invite” your spouse to come along on your next grocery grab. Once he’s staggered by seeing that a half gallon of orange juice costs $3.49 and boneless chicken breasts are “on sale” for $3.99 a pound, brainstorm better ideas for saving on food purchases. Some possibilities: Pack your lunch, limit the lattes, whip up scrambled eggs one night instead of ordering pizza. Even occasional acts of takeout restraint will add up to big savings.
He says: “How could you buy a new coffee table without consulting me? Send it back immediately!”
She says: “I don’t have to get your permission every time I want to buy something for the house.”
Couples who make substantial purchases on their own are playing power games — and the big loser is their wallet.
Get-rich scheme: Set a limit on how much either of you can spend without consulting the other. Then establish a formal process for considering large purchases. Suggested first step: reaching agreement on whether the item is necessary. That means you buy a new coffee table only when you have both decided it’s time to fix up the living room, not when you happen to see one you like.
He says:”I can’t believe you spent $60 on a haircut!”
She says: “And how is that adjustable-speed drill press working out, dear? I hope it was worth the $70!”
Subjecting all personal purchases to scrutiny isn’t the way to save money either. “Each partner thinks that he or she only buys what’s reasonable, while what the other buys is frivolous,” says personal finance expert Deborah Knuckey. The result is that you both keep spending while continuing to get mad at your partner for doing the same.
Get-rich scheme: Establish a “luxury” fund with a monthly limit, maybe $50 or $100, that is the exclusive preserve of each spouse — no questions asked. If one wants to spend it on gumballs and the other on new china, fine. The pleasure of exercising absolute control over a certain amount of money makes it easier for spouses to compromise with each other on big expenditures.

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Do AntiDepressants Work?

A Sober Look at the Happy Pills

With so many people in our pill-crazed culture taking antidepressants . . . we just have to ask:

Are they actually working?

Have we solved the problem of human suffering? Are we any happier? Is this the best solution we have?

So we went looking for answers,
and so far have found . . .

This excerpt from
The Wall Street Journal, June 12th, 2002:

First there was Prozac. Then came Zoloft, Paxil, Effexor and Celexa. Now the FDA is poised to approve what could be the next blockbuster in the enormous antidepressant market . . .

The arrival of Lexapro, made by Forest Laboratories Inc., is expected as early as this month, and many patients and doctors are eagerly waiting. “Everyone’s going to want to try it on some patient,” says Philip Muskin, a Columbia University psychiatrist. He explains: “You keep hoping that the next one is going to solve all of the problems.”

But both science and past experience suggest that many people are bound to be disappointed . . .

Though demand for antidepressants is huge and growing – they are now the second-most prescribed drugs after anti-infectives, such as antibiotics – the frustrating reality for many patients and physicians is that they either don’t work very well or have intolerable side effects.

Few patients realize that half of the people who go on antidepressants stop taking them after three months. Add that to the fact that Lexapro is, in part, a marketing maneuver. It is nearly identical in its chemical make-up to Celexa, which Forest also makes. And Celexa works very similarly to the other top-selling antidepressants. But doctors and analysts expect demand for the new drug to be huge, partly because so many patients cycle through antidepressants . . .

Sibyl Shalo, 32 years old, ran through four different antidepressants between 1994 and 2000. They either didn’t work well or lost their benefits over time. Now she’s on Celexa, which improves her depression but also causes constipation, diarrhea and fatigue. “If this is the best I’m going to get, that’s not such a good thing,” says Ms. Shalo. So she’s awaiting Lexapro. “Now there’s something else for me to try,” she says.

Even the most popular antidepressants on the market work on only about half of the people who try them. Though the medicines have been life saviors for some patients, as many as 30% of those who are clinically depressed aren’t helped by any existing drug, according to Datamonitor PLC, a London market-analysis company. Moreover, all antidepressants can cause troubling side effects – for example, 37% of patients on antidepressants experience sexual dysfunction, according to a recent study by Anita Clayton, a University of Virginia psychiatry professor.

The National Institute of Mental Health estimates about 19 million Americans – 1 in 10 adults – suffer from depression at some point each year. About half of them, eight million people used antidepressants last year, according to Datamonitor. If you count those who used the drugs to treat anxiety, such as panic disorder, as many as 10 million Americans may have taken the medications in 2001.”

John Williams, a Honda salesman living in Seattle, enrolled in a Lexapro Trial after finding he couldn’t tolerate the loss of sexual appetite he suffered taking Paxil. On Lexapro, the sexual side effects almost entirely disappeared and he felt he could handle the others – ringing in his ears and a spacey feeling in the morning.

When the clinical trial ended in April, he had to go off Lexapro, but began taking the closest thing on the market, Celexa. “They seem to be identical,” he says. But while the drugs diminish his depression and anxiety, his symptoms aren’t gone.

And so Mr. Williams is already wondering what new treatment is coming. His doctor just told him about a trial for yet another antidepressant starting soon, and he says he’s thinking about enrolling.”

- excerpt from The Wall Street Journal,
“Approval Is Near On a New Drug for Depression,” June 12th, 2002

. . . and this excerpt from WebMD:

The latest scientific study to weigh in on the subject finds that the antidepressants worked only marginally better than placebos in a group of studies submitted to the FDA. Study participants taking the dummy pills had approximately 80% of the response seen in patients taking one of the six most widely prescribed antidepressants.

Lead researcher Irving Kirsch, PhD, tells WebMD that in many of the studies, while the difference between drug and placebo was significant from a statistical standpoint, it did not represent a significant difference for patients. His study appears July 15 in the American Psychological Association’s electronic publication, Prevention and Treatment.

“We are not saying that people don’t respond to these medications,” says Kirsch, who is a psychology professor at the University of Connecticut. “On the contrary, the response is very large, and that is why there has been this so-called revolution in the treatment of depression. The catch is that the response to placebo is almost as large” . . .

“People may be better off exploring other treatment options such as psychotherapy or exercise, which has been shown to reduce depression. And the side effect of physical exercise is better health. That is much better than the loss of sexual function, tremors, agitation, diarrhea, and nausea that are side effects of SSRIs.”

Psychologist Roger P. Greenberg, PhD, says it is understandable that the SSRIs have become so popular in such a short time, despite the lack of data showing them to be effective. Both patients and their physicians, he adds, have adopted a “fast-mood mentality,” where the quick fix is expected for the treatment of depression. Greenberg heads the psychology division at SUNY Upstate Medical University and has written two books on the limits of treating depression with drugs.

“The notion that depression is caused by a biochemical imbalance that is easily treated with drugs has taken hold in recent years because it provides this easy solution,” he tells WebMD. “Biochemical imbalance is a handy catch phrase, but there is not a lot of evidence that there is such a thing.”

- excerpts from “Are Antidepressants Effective?
They’re Just Slightly More Effective
Than Dummy Pills,
Research Shows”
by Salynn Boyles, WebMD

. . . and this excerpt from USAToday, January 22nd, 2004:

(LiveReal Editor’s Summary of the Article:
Could antidepressants – those very things that have so often been hailed as the cure for depression . . . cause suicide?
“We don’t know,” experts say. “Maybe.”)

Could antidepressants prescribed for more than 1 million U.S. children and teenagers cause some of them to attempt suicide?

The Food and Drug Administration’s first public hearing on this question Feb. 2 is expected to draw polarized and emotional testimony. But the evidence needed for an answer won’t be in for several months, says Russell Katz, director of the FDA’s neuropharmacological division.

The FDA is re-examining 20 studies of eight antidepressants used in children. The studies didn’t document a single drug-related suicide. But preliminary findings suggested that suicidal thoughts and attempts, though rare, were more common in kids taking the drugs than those on sugar pills. . .

. . . The FDA has asked drug companies for more information . . .

(Editor’s Note:
Is there something wrong with this scenario?
Is the best way to gather real “information”
really to ask the folks whose very livelhood depend on the answers?)

. . . in December, Britain’s equivalent of the FDA advised giving none of the SSRIs to children except for Prozac, saying it’s the only one whose benefits outweigh risks . . .

. . . There’s relatively little controlled research on SSRIs in school-age children “and zippo on kids under 5,” says John March, chief of child and adolescent psychiatry at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, N.C. . .

. . . “The lack of supporting data, considering their widespread use, is surprising and disturbing,” says Lawrence Diller, a behavioral pediatrician in Walnut Creek, Calif., and author of Should I Medicate My Child? . . .

. . . However, prescribing patterns and medical economics work against the eagle-eye monitoring needed, some say. General practitioners and pediatricians, often not experts in the field, write the majority of SSRI prescriptions for kids. Also, HMOs may restrict access to busy specialists and pay for pills but not therapy . . . says David Fassler, a child psychiatrist in Burlington, VT . . .

. . . Mark Miller, 54, of Overland Park, Kan., believes antidepressants cost the life of his 13-year-old son, Matthew. He’ll testify at the FDA hearing.

After a family move in 1996, Matthew had trouble adjusting at his new school. On the advice of school counselors, the Millers took him to a psychiatrist the next summer, though he seemed happier.

The doctor gave Mark antidepressants, and he began to act fidgety, Miller says. The morning after Mark took his seventh pill, Mark’s mom found him hanging by a belt from a laundry hook in his closet.

“We have no family history of depression and didn’t even have a package insert because he gave us samples,” Miller says. An autopsy showed his son’s body had SSRI levels suitable for a 250-pound body, though the boy weighed less than 100 pounds, he says.

But other parents will tell the FDA that SSRIs saved their kids’ lives.

Sherri Walton, 45, of Paradise Valley, Ariz., says major depression runs in her family. Walton’s daughters, Jordan, 14, and Katie, 12, started Prozac in the past 18 months after episodes of severe depression.

“They didn’t even want to dance anymore, even though they’re avid dancers; they didn’t want to live, and now they’re normal kids,” Walton says. “I’m going to tell the FDA, ‘Don’t take away what gave my kids their lives back.’ “

The agency expects to have enough evidence to answer the questions on suicide risk by summer, the FDA’s Katz says. Another hearing is likely then, and at that time the FDA might issue a new recommendation on SSRIs and children.

Parents who want their kids off the antidepressants now should consult doctors on how to do it gradually because stopping abruptly can be harmful, he adds.

For undecided parents, new interim guidance might come Feb. 2, Katz says. “All we can say right now is, use with caution.”

- excerpt from USA TODAY, January 22nd, 2004
“Antidepressants and Suicide”
by Marilyn Elias

Appendix I: Does it all come down to “brain chemistry”?

It’s very fashionable nowadays for modern psychologists to explain everything in terms of biology – every feeling, thought, impulse, perception – essentially everything you and I experience, says many psychologists – can eventually be reduced down to neurochemistry, synapses, hormones, and essentially, biology.

And there are many advantages to this approach. It’s easy, it’s blame-free, it let’s almost everyone (except maybe God) off the hook, and when doctors start talking synapses and hormones and such, it’s easy to sound intelligent and like you know what you’re talking about.

But is it true?

Well, it does seem clear that there is a profound “connection,” in a way, between what is normally called “mind” and “body.” This is a huge topic, but we’ll leave it there for now.

At the same time, this get totally, totally blown out of proportion nowadays.

This is further explored in our article on therapy – but to briefly summarize some points:

* In general, many folks who call themselves “psychologists” nowadays – apart from clinicians – are actually biologists. They don’t study the human “mind” or “soul,” they study bodily fluids and chemistry.
* It’s much easier to be a biologist (and study body fluids) than it is to be a true psychologist (and study human beings).

* To say that all human emotions, feelings, thoughts, disorders etc are “caused by” various brain chemicals is like saying that all car crashes are caused by gasoline; that symphonies are “caused by” brass (horns, trumpets, etc), that the plays of Shakespeare are “caused by” letters/black marks on white pieces of paper. Sure – in a warped, twisted, academic way it’s “true,” but it’s definitely not the whole picture.

At the same time, it’s an easy solution to a complex problem, it’s completely blame-free, and it lets psychologists who talk this way sound intelligent . . . so really, we don’t expect this mindset to go away anytime soon.

Appendix II: Modern PsychoTheology

A LiveReal Agent Opinion:

When we once confronted the question “Why do we suffer?”, theologians and ministers in old times used to talk about “man’s fallen state.” While this has generally become unfashionable to speak about (due in no small part to the science-religion debate – and a general in trend where science is generally gaining ground on religion) it has actually merely been replaced by a new, “scientific” version.

Meaning, instead of saying the “you were born into a fallen state,” the experts (now doctors instead of priests or theologians) now say “you were born with “defective brain chemistry.”

And instead of offering salvation through prayers, scripture, and sermons, they offer “salvation” through selling prescriptions and pills.

But they often fail to mention that, in addition to the possibility of “defective brain chemistry,” there are many other possible reason why we suffer. And then, when certain problems come around that make us suffer, there are many other things to do to alleviate that suffering . . .

So, then

- if this is the case . . . then, what’s a person to do?

Well, we believe the whole question of mental health is a bigger issue than is generally spoken about in polite society.

For example, there’s the issue that our modern culture itself may be a little insane, and living in this culture can become a battle for your own mind . . .

Well, many folks suggest therapy, which brings up many other questions – primarily, Does Therapy Work?)

We strongly suggest a do-it-yourself approach (after all, you’re really doing-it-yourself even if you do see and trust many doctors and experts) – an approach which does have its hazards as well . . . but then again, you have LiveReal, and our immensely valuable LiveReal Products as well . . .

And ultimately, the issue of mental clarity and emotional strength – the very “goals” of the LiveReal Psychology Arena, and especially our section on What’s the Problem – but ultimately has what could be called a “spiritual” component.

But modern spirituality is a whole other furry animal – and one that we, your trusty LiveReal Agents delve into in the LiveReal Spiritual Arena . . .

Antidepressants offer no cure
Monday, August 14, 2006 | 1 comment
Today I bought the Scientific American Mind (volume 17, number 4), a magazine that I like to read. While browsing the magazine I noticed the “… Yet antidepressants offer no cure” on page 8, under the article “Prozac spurs neuron growth…”. Since I have taken antidepressants for over 18 months, starting in 2001, and instead of experiencing any improvement but actually the opposite, my attention was drawn to this article, and so I started to read.

When finished I decided to quote the article on my blog, and adding my comments and views, which as far as I know is considered fair use of copyrighted material.

… Yet Antidepressants Offer No Cure
Do antidepressants “cure” depression? No says Joanna Moncrieff, a psychiatrist at University College London – no more then insuline “cures” diabetes or alcohol “cures” social anxiety.

In a way I am really happy that finally more and more professionals express what so many people have experienced when they where put on antidepressants. When I complained to my psychiatrist that I noticed no improvement at all he kept telling me to be patience, even after months and months. Later I was told that I was not cooperating with my medicines. I have no idea how one can cooperate with antidepressants, other then taking them, going to therapy, trying to stay safe, healthy, and alive.

Antidepressants cause abnormal brain states
Moncrieff, who has published several critical studies of psychiatric drugs in leading medical journals, advocates a “drug-centered” rather then “disease-centered” model for understanding psychoactive medication. “Instead of relieving a hypothetical biochemical abnormality,” she says, antidepressants themselves cause “abnormal brain states,” which may coincidentally relieve psychiatric symptoms.

When I was put on Cipramil, an SSRI, after my body couldn’t handle Aropax (another SSRI) I noticed shortly after, that I got very clear dreams. Normally most of the time I can’t recall my dreams, maybe also because I don’t do any effort to recall them. But shortly after I started taking Cipramil I got very clear and confusing dreams. In one I dreamt I pushed accidentally my laptop off my desk. Later that day I was walking in a shopping center, and had a strong feeling that I had to buy a new laptop. Never before had I had such clear dreams, nor did they influence my real life. So I thought: it’s working, I feel changes in my head.

No such luck, and I am afraid that many people who report that they feel better when they start taking antidepressants just experience the side effects combined with a strong placebo effect, which looks more positive when compared to a placebo alone, of course.

Do antidepressants correct a chemical imbalance?
As for curing depression, Moncrieff notes that “there are no known drug-induced effects consisting of long-term elevation of mood,” nor is there any evidence that medication corrects a “chemical imbalance,” as both pharmaceutical advertising and physicians often claim. These results may explain why, despite much greater use of antidepressants in recent years, there is “little evidence outside of controlled drug studies that long- or short-term outcomes for depression are changing.”

When I started to read about depression and the whole “low serotonin level” story I was sold at first. It sounded so logical, and taking a medicine that slowed down the reuptake of serotonin (SSRI) even more. Yet why did it take 4 to 6 weeks to start working? Later other questions came, like: why don’t they measure my serotonin level? How do much off balance is it?

Moreover, why did I get extreme strong suicidal feelings after a few weeks of taking Cipramil? And no, it wasn’t because of the SSRI was curing me, and I suddenly had the energy to actually attempt to kill myself, an explanation that I have read and heard a few times. I didn’t have those strong feelings before, and suddenly they were there, overwhelming me.

More frequent depressive episodes when taking antidepressants
Indeed, Moncrieff adds, some studies show that depressive episodes are more frequent and last longer among antidepressant users than nonusers. A drug-centered approach to treating some act as stimulants or as sedatives, whereas some blunt emotions – rather than labeling any as an “antidepressant” when no drug has been proved to deliver long-term mood elevation.

(author: Jonathan Beard)

After being put on Serzone for months one of my major complaints was that I was feeling sedated. Yet the psychiatrist kept telling me to have a bit more patience, and my psychologist was reporting small, but significant progress. Yet I was feeling no progress at all, more like I had already died inside, but my body hadn’t realized this yet.

My situation slowly worsened also because of a lot of very emotional issues going on in my life. I had to move back from New Zealand to the Netherlands. One of the things I did was that I stopped taking Serzone. Things worsened even more, and then slowly, slowly things got better.

Sharp increase of prescriptions
Sadly I also learned that each year more and more people end up with antidepressants being prescribed to them, like it’s “just” paracetamol, or viagra for the brain. The same issue of Scientific American, on the next page (9) reported:

Antipsychotic drugs, stimulants, and antidepressants were prescribed for five times as many children in 2002 than in 1993, according to a new study by Columbia University. The sharp increase concerns certain psychiatrists, who point out that many of the drugs are not expressly approved for children or adolescents and that few data exist on whether they work or on the risks of side effects.

Grow your Marriage
Posted: Oct 16th, 2007

You either grow your marriage or weaken it: all the time you and your spouse either grow apart, weakening your marriage, or grow together, making it strong. For you and your spouse to grow your marriage, both must share with each other preferences, opinions and ideas. Getting to know someone truly, inside and out, takes effort. If you put no effort into your marriage, you’re not maintaining it, you’re letting it deteriorate and you are growing apart. A marriage that grows together is one where both individuals make an effort to find out what is going on inside their spouse’s head. They appreciate, understand, and respect that information.

When both partners don’t communicate or share life changes, they can wake up one day and find themselves sleeping next to a stranger. You didn’t marry your partner to get a carbon copy of yourself. Chances are that the differences between you and your partner sparked your interest and made each one of you fascinating to the other. If he’s artistic and you’re analytic, or you’re impulsive and he’s rational, you are likely to be complementary personality types who bring out the best in each other. The question is whether those differences are enough to break your marriage apart or just right to add the spice to grow your marriage.

You don’t remain the same person that your spouse met. But spouses can be resistant to changes in their partner, because they see it as a sign that their partner is dissatisfied with things as they are. When one partner suggests a change, the other partner often feels indirectly criticized, thinking that the other person means that status quo is not good enough. Reassuring your partner is essential during this tough time. Changes are frightening, but when there is communication, honesty, and willingness to compromise at every step of the way, change can be an enormously positive thing, allowing you to grow your marriage. Any change that can be undertaken mutually is better than a change that can only be undertaken individually.

It doesn’t mean that neither of you ever changes. It doesn’t mean you’re thinking alike, or avoiding conflicts, or not having disagreements. Growth, by definition, is change. A healthy, lasting marriage is one in which both people mature and change their ideas, perspectives and plans. You will grow your marriage when you share those changes openly and honestly with your spouse as they occur.

In more fundamental areas, like your values, goals, and vision for your marriage perhaps you have major incompatibilities that make it difficult to grow your marriage. If you and your partner differ significantly in your upbringing, the importance you place on family, and your need for and ability to express physical affection, you may have a more difficult time accepting and negotiating your differences. This is why cross-cultural relationships can be so challenging. If your partner is from a significantly different culture from your own, you will need to be extremely open, understanding, and flexible in how you approach resolving marital issues.

If you are at the point in your marriage where you think that you and your partner are unable to resolves differences between you and you find it impossible to grow your marriage, it is worthwhile to invest in a marriage counselor. Counseling is much cheaper than a divorce and provides a neutral environment where both partners feel comfortable opening up and examining their true feelings.

You are thinking, perhaps, that marriage counselors are far too expensive for you. That’s not so! You can get low-cost, easily affordable and excellent advice as well as personal training, through the Internet, from first-class, professional marriage counselors who have many years of experience and success,. You will find a group of men and women that can solve even the toughest kind of differences and allow you to grow your marriage. You can find excellent low-cost professional advice, including a free six-part course on solving marriage problems at: grow your marriage .