10 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life
BY DANIELLA REIKER NO COMMENT PRINT THIS POST (1 VOTES)

Ask your spouse to answer the following questions:
What do you want?
Where do you want it?
How do you want it?
For how long do you want it?

Get you lover to write out 5 of his/her fantasies on pieces of paper, you do the same. When you are both finished, put the 10 fantasies in a jar and keep it in a private place. Take turns picking from it whenever you feel adventurous.
Perform a strip tease for your love. Wear sexy lingerie with lots of ties and lace, have erotic music playing and use red light bulbs (professional stripers use these because they make your skin look flawless). Sit him in a chair and tie his hands so he can’t touch you.
Write a letter to your love *detailing everything* you plan to do to him/her when you see each other. Have the letter delivered via courier to him at work that morning so he will fantasize about it all day!
Play truth. Write out questions that you would like to ask your love and have them do the same. Be creative! Put all the questions in a jar and take turns choosing from it and asking the questions. You may draw your own questions, but that is part of the fun.
Play your own version of “60 Seconds in Heaven”. Ask your love where they would like you to kiss them. Then spend the next 60 seconds lavishing over that particular area of their body.
Write an erotic story about you and your lover. Copy it onto nice paper and give it to them the next time you want to get the sparks flying. You could even ask your love to read it to you. Or give it to them as a tease just as they are on their way to work. If you have a long distance love send it through mail.
Spend a few minutes making out in the car after a date, before you go inside.
Offer to be your spouse’s “sex slave” for an evening.
Call your mate while they are at work and seductively tell them how much you look forward to being with them when they get home. They may come home early!

10 Ways To Rekindle The Magic In Your Relationship – by Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb

By Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500 Lovemaking Tips.

Are you frustrated that your relationship doesn’thave the magic and romance that it once had?

You’re not alone.

Living with the same partner for a long time can become stable and comfortable, and, as a result, can also kill the spark that made your relationship so special in the first place.

Here are some simple, fun and creative ideas to reignite that magic:

1. SEND THEM A UNIQUE GIFT

Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright childlike picture with a smiley sun and two stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your two names pointing to the stick figures. Write ‘I Love You’ inside a heart. Next get a large formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a formal address label of your partner’s workplace, such as: “For the immediate and urgent attention of: Rebecca Jones, Level 20, Collins & Smith Solicitors, New York.” Mail it to your partner so
they receive it in the middle of a busy day.

2. BECOME KIDS AGAIN

If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and give your partner a ride. This will often bring back happy memories from their childhood.

3. FUN WITH WATER

On a hot summer’s day, buy two large water pistols and take them to the beach with you. Pull them out and throw one to your partner and then have a huge water fight.

4. A MASSAGE WITH A TWIST

Buy a small, decorated cardboard box, a sheet of colored tissue paper, some massage oil and a blank card. Line the box with the tissue paper. Place the massage oil in the box and write the following message on the card: I know a great masseur. For an
appointment call: (Your Phone Number)

5. BRING BACK CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

Contact your partner’s family and ask if there was anything she always wanted when she was a little girl. For example if she always wanted a porcelain doll, buy one for her birthday. She will not only appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you
were thoughtful enough to find out what she always wanted. You can do this for your man too.

6. STARE AT THE CLOUDS

Drive into the country, find a grassy hill, and lie with your partner and look up at the clouds.

7. WALK ALONG THE BEACH

Trace out the shape of a large love heart in the sand. Sit inside the heart and cuddle your partner as you watch the sun go down.

8. ORGANIZE A PICNIC ON A WARM SUMMER’S NIGHT

Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get together some snacks, chocolates and champagne. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and gaze up at the stars together.

9. SHOW YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR PARTNER

Leave a long-stem rose where your partner will find it, with a note on it saying: “Thank you for coming into my life.”

10. SPICE UP YOUR LOVEMAKING

Probably the most profound way to rekindle the romance in your relationship is to spice up your lovemaking. Surprise your partner with a little gift after you make love, try a new position, learn to give your partner a sensual massage before or
after, or just spend some time staring into each other’s eyes and caressing their bare skin before making love.

Many people underestimate the affect passionate and intimate lovemaking has on a relationship. If you spice it up, chances are you and your partner will naturally do romantic things for each other. Why? Because passionate lovemaking connects two people in a meaningful and unexplainable way that nothing else can.

About the Author:

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500 Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice up your lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure and intimacy to your experience. To read more, visit: 500LovemakingTips.com

Growing Emotionally Healthy Children

It is the responsibility of adults to foster good emotional health in their children. Issues of trust, competency, self-image and integrity are addressed here.

It’s been said too often and with great truth that parents really do not know what they are doing when they raise their children. Parenting is far too often a learn-as-you-go job. This article addresses some of the key issues for parents who wish to raise emotionally healthy kids.

The first developmental task of childhood is labeled by Erikson as “trust v. mistrust.” This means that the first two years of a child’s life she is learning whether her world is one that she can trust. Primarily, it is the adults who inhabit her world who will teach her whether her world is a safe one, whether she will be protected yet challenged, whether she can trust the adults responsible for her care. Parents have a large responsibility to behave in ways that teach the young child that they are trustworthy. This involves keeping their word, setting appropriate boundaries, protecting the child from physical and emotional harm.

Later on, at approximately ages seven to eleven, the youngster is trying to learn competency. Parents need to allow the child to attempt new things, to try to master tasks, to give praise in a sincere manner for a job done well-enough, and to introduce new opportunities for growth into their child’s world. Children need to be allowed to try new things, to “dabble” in anything that interests them until it is known that a genuine and lasting interest is there as is the wish to pursue this interest further. Parents need to compliment their children on small taks and to remember that the smallest thing is a building block in a sense of mastery and competency desperately needed by the child who will go on to have healthy self-esteem.

One of the most common but least discussed injuries that parents inflict on their kids is to teach them to not trust their own perceptions. It is important for adults to realize that all any of us has is his/her perceptions. The child who feels sad must not be told, “Cheer up” or “You’ll get over it.” The youngster who is happy over a B on a report and is showing his joy must not be told anything that diminishes his feeling. When a teenage girl breaks up with her boyfriend, she doesn’t need to be told, “You’ll find that there are plenty of other fish in the sea.” When Daddy repeatedly doesn’t go to work because of hangovers due to excessive drinking, it is important that the child not be told that Daddy has the flu. When parents extol the virtues of honesty verbally, then lie to others on the phone or lie about the age of their child at the ticket window at the movie, the child’s perceptions about the value of honesty are at best blurred.

The above ties in strongly with the necessity of allowing children to “have” their feelings. Optimally, a healthy home is one where all those who live there, children included, are allowed to have, identify, and then appropriately express their feelings. To diminish the child’s right to know and express her feelings is a disservice that will cause irreparable harm and follow her into childhood.

It is often difficult to teach children that the adults in their lives are to be respected and still respect the children. Parents and children are not peers, but all are human beings worthy of respect. When parents disrespect their children by not allowing them their feelings and/or their perceptions, children learn that they are not important, not worthy of respect, and not valued as they are. These negative experiences will follow them into adulthood and seriously hamper their functioning as healthy adults.

Children need to be treated as individuals, distinctly unique, different from their siblings or any other child. Communicating to a child that she is unlike any other person and is valued as such is a strong message of respect which goes far in building her self-esteem. Children need to be shown that they are respected for who they are. Avoid giving your kids the impression that what matters to you is their performance, particularly in a specific field. The athletic father of what turns out to be a violin-playing son needs to learn to put aside his own wishes and fantasies for the child and become one who appreciates violin playing. The mother who wishes for her child to shine academically may need to learn that her daughter is an athlete and love her for who she is. It is not appropriate for parents to try to get their children to live out their own unfulfilled dreams. Nor is it healthy to try to squeeze a child into a mold that the parents desire but that does not communicate value for who that particular child is.

In summary, parents who desire to produce emotionally healthy children would do well to focus on making their child’s world physically and emotionally safe, to learn who their child is and then do all they can to help that unique child BE that person and thrive doing so, to allow children their feelings and perceptions, and to create situations in which the child can develop a sense of competency and mastery over different things. Doing these things is not easy for the parents, but the results of an emotionally healthy child will make all the parents’ efforts worthwhile. Later on, these emotionally healthy children will go on to function as emotionally healthy adults. What happens in the developmental years spent in the home is of VITAL importance.

Sexual Compatibility and Marriage
How different is too different?
1. Are you and your spouse on the same page about the frequency of sex?
Yes No
That’s a good thing. Chances are your marriage and sex life are solid. You should try to solve the other issues in your marriage with a good marriage counselor. You have a good chance of saving your marriage. Trouble in paradise. If you can’t reach a compromise on the frequency of making love, there is trouble ahead. You should consult a counselor and try to reach a meeting of the minds and hearts before this problem gets out of hand. Don’t despair. It’s very solvable.
2. Are you and your spouse on the same page about your style of sex? (I.E., gentle vs. rough; just vaginal sex as opposed to oral sex or anal sex; BDSM and role playing etc)
Yes No
Great! If your sexual styles are compatible, there is a good chance that your marriage will be OK. Seek counseling and work on your other problems! If you don’t like the same kind of sex, your marriage may be doomed. Irreconcilable differences is often defined as “we don’t get along in bed”

3. Do you like to visit chat rooms?
Yes No
Not good. The problem with it is that your spouse is sitting in the family room watching tv while you are “out for the evening” on your computer. It takes away from the bonding time you have with your spouse and may be the beginning of trouble ahead. Enjoy this sport in moderation. Don’t forget your spouse. If you pay attention to them, you may be able to integrate a small amount of this sport into your lives. Great! Since you’re not using the internet to escape from Reality, you have a better chance of working out any problems that might exist in your marriage. (Hint: if you’re at all curious about chat rooms, check them out with your spouse! Remember, your spouse can probably figure out where you visit on the Internet.)

4. Are you having an affair?
Yes No
Having an affair may not kill a marriage. If you have an epiphany and end the affair and try to work on your marriage, you probably can save it. Most spouses are forgiving of an affair if you really eat crow, humble yourself and try to make them feel better about it If you do tell you spouse, tell them in a gentle and kind way. If you don’t, treat them very nicely as penance for your betrayal. If you refuse to end your affair, you may well have to end your marriage. While having an affair may not kill a marriage, it’s a great way to start. If you’ve been married for a long time, a sudden crfush on someone can be surprising and disorienting, so if you have strong feelings for someone, talk with your spouse and seek maritial counseling.

5. Do you have an “open” marriage?
Yes No
A couple with an open marriage are referred to as “swingers” today. Being a swinger is a lot of fun and is sexuality cloaked in a facade of openess. In our opinion, swinging is an escape from intimacy. It’s a way to avoid your spouse and intimacy in your marriage. If you are swinging, there is a good chance your marriage will end in divorce. At some point, one of you will be tired of swinging and want some real lovin’. That’s when it will all fall apart. If you and your spouse see eye-to-eye on your relationship style you’ve got a good chance of working through any other relationship issues that you might have.

6. Have you ever asked your spouse to perform a sex act that freaked them out?(I.E. rough sex, talking dirty, anal sex, oral sex, bondage, role playing etc)
Yes No
If this kind of sex is really really important to you, and your spouse is totally freaked out by the idea, will probably eventually seek this kind of sex elsewhere. See #4, above. Great! It sounds like you’re fairly sexually compatible, which is a good sign.

7. Are you a sex addict?(Do you engage in sexual acts that are driven, compulsive and hidden? Do you masturbate many times a day or use the internet to access pornography?)
Yes No
Tell your spouse. Find a 12 step or other program. Get help right away. This disease affects both men and women and is very difficult to recover from. This usually kills a marriage because the acting out behavior often becomes intolerable. The humiliation often becomes overwhelming. Sometimes this illness can lead to unwanted pregancies or sexually transmitted diseases. That’s a good sign. If you are sexually satisfied with your spouse (and your spouse is satsified by you!) you’re marriage is probably fine.

8. Do you have unusual sexual preferences or fetishes that you haven’t discussed with your spouse?
Yes No
Your wife will not be thrilled when she sees her panties are stretched out or someone’s been wearing her shoes. Discovering a box of goodies in the closet might not delight your husband. If you like “different” sex, discuss it with your betrothed before you tie the knot. They probably have a strong opinion about it! If you are already married, you should find a counselor and bring the issue into the open so you can discuss and decide how to manage it in the course of your lives. Great! If you can talk about wanting to get it on while your spouse wears a Santa suit (or whatever) your talks about money etc will probably be a breeze!

9. Are you gay?
Yes No
If you are gay, your marriage is probably just for show. If you are both in agreement about that, cool. If you are pretending, it’s time to fess up. Also, some people get married before they truly discover their own sexual identity. If this sounds like you, you’ve got a serious choice to make. Chances are, your marriage may end. Marriages of convenience between gay and straight people are rarely fulfilling for either, so as long as you and your spouse are straight, you’ve at least got a fighting chance to make it work.

10. Do you collect pornography?
Yes No
If you have children, chances are your spouse will vehemently object to pornography around the house. If you do collect it, you should be very discreet so your children will not see it. If you don’t have kids, it’s a consensual adult thing. If it;s okay with both of you,then it’s okay. Bear in mind, women usually like more erotic, softer porn; men tend to prefer the hard driving sex, sex, sex porn. Great! Your marriage and sex life are probably pretty good. You should try to solve any other problems in your marriage with a good marriage counselor.

Yes, you can learn to be a better lover. Don’t worry-the ‘classes’ are fun. Here, how you can raise your lovemaking grade.
by Kelly James-Enger

Merely out of curiosity, Shelly Meyers*, 31, of Austin, Texas, bought a book of erotic stories shortly before she got married. After having a steamy read, she suggested that her fiancé, Craig, read the book, too.
Let’s just say they’re into reading before bed these days: In the five years they’ve been married, the couple have indulged in other erotic tales, and bought an instructional video about improving intimacy. Sharing these experiences, says Shelly, has made them much more comfortable talking about sex.
“My husband is very shy,” says Shelly. “The books and videos provide a springboard that comes from a safe place. We’re able to say ‘Wow, that was an interesting fantasy…’ then see where that leads us.”
Learning to make love to someone in a way that is sensitive, satisfying and fulfilling certainly seems like something that should come naturally, which probably explains why many of us presume that it does—and why we can become confused or frustrated when it doesn’t. Many couples assume that a fabulous sex life naturally follows once we find the right person. But the reality is that developing a mutually satisfying, exciting sexual relationship takes time, effort—and education, says Sandra Scantling, a certified sex therapist and the director of intimacy education at the Sinclair Intimacy Institute, in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. “We’re not born great lovers,” she says. “We tend to think sex education is just for kids, but really it’s not—it’s for adults.”
But I’m Already a Great Lover!
Now, if you’re smugly reading this, thinking, “I’m quite happy with the frequency and quality of our lovemaking,” wipe that smirk off your face, because you can always learn something. Maybe it’s a position that you’ve never thought of before, or an oral-sex technique that will drive your husband wild. Experimenting with different types of sexual expression can be tremendously illuminating, says Marianna Beck, Ph.D., co-author of The Ecstatic Moment (Dell, 1997) and founder and co-publisher of the erotic journal Libido.
“There’s this expectation that the only kind of satisfying sex is straight intercourse, penis/vagina sex. If couples start to think about how they can get to an excited state without penetration, it’s quite amazing the fun they can have,” she says. “For example, mutual masturbation can be extremely exciting and sensual to share because it’s an extraordinarily intimate act.”
Learning more about sex can also keep you from getting into a rut. “People get stuck on routines,” says Beck. “They get locked into the time and the place and the position in which they make love. That can really be a sex killer. Yet if you change any part of that, you automatically add spice. Do you always have to make love on a bed or even in the bedroom? Why not the sofa in the living room? You introduce a huge erotic element when you remove sex from its traditional venue and take it to other places.”
Couples are also guilty of making assumptions about sex, including how long it should last, what it should include and who should reach orgasm first. But if you take these unspoken beliefs for granted, they can prevent you from exploring your sexuality more fully. “Throw those assumptions out the window!” suggests Beck. “Open yourself up to the more creative end of sex; for example, bring in a video or a vibrator, relocate to another room, consider taking a workshop.”
Most importantly, by learning more about sex, the two of you learn more about each other. “It’s another form of show and tell,” explains Scantling. “Say ‘let me show you how I like it’ and kiss him in the way that you like to be kissed. Not everybody appreciates the same kind of kiss—in the same way that we all don’t like our food seasoned the same way; it’s not intuitive. He won’t naturally know how you want your breasts touched; nor will you know just what pushes his buttons. Teaching is as much a part of being a good lover as listening is.”
Making a Good Thing Even Better
It’s well worth putting in the time to educate yourselves about sex because whatever you learn doesn’t occur in a vacuum. What that means: The strength and closeness you gain in your sexual relationship will have positive repercussions on your day-to-day relationship.
“When couples think of or experience sex as something that happens just below the waist, they miss the bigger picture,” says Scantling. “Sex is one of the ways couples communicate,” and when they get better at it, all forms of communication improve. For sex to be good not only at the beginning but throughout the life of your relationship, you have to keep in mind that it’s an ongoing process.
Beverly Richards* admits that she was surprised when her husband, a computer technician, brought home sex-education computer software. “At first I thought it was a little strange—it’s not like you normally learn about sex on a computer,” says Beverly, 38. “But it was interesting—and certainly better than I had expected.”
Using the software together gave Beverly and her husband a chance to talk more freely about their sexual desires and expectations. “In some ways, going through the training thing together gave us the opportunity to communicate,” she explains. “It may not have been specifically because we learned new techniques or anything, but because we talked about it and figured out what the other was thinking. A lot of us grow up with preconceived notions of what all women want or what all men want and we don’t discuss it with each other. We just tend to do those things whether our partner actually wants them or not.”
Learning about sex doesn’t have to be serious business either. Shelly and Craig enjoyed experimenting with a number of sex toys she received at her bachelorette party. “Toys helped us realize that sex doesn’t always have to be the waves crashing against the shore or deep meaningful conversation through touching,” says Shelly. “I mean, they’re toys; it’s fun. The ‘accessories’ give you permission—or inspiration—to let yourself go. Say you get handcuffs and you’re not a handcuff kind of girl, just twirling them around can get you talking and thinking and laughing together—and that’s good because you’re still sharing that laugh over it as you make love.”
Your sexual happiness with each other spills over into other areas of your lives as well, says Linda Banner, a certified sex therapist in Los Gatos, California. “Sex and self-esteem are intertwined. As we develop more confidence with our sexual functioning, we increase our confidence in ourselves and our ability to communicate and to relate with other people,” she explains. “The techniques help but really it’s a synergistic process. The communication, the relationship, the intimacy—it all works together.”
Tools, Techniques and Toys
If you want to learn more about sex, you can hit the books (literally!)—or just about anything else. There’s an endless variety of tools available including books, magazine articles, videos, software programs, workshops, retreats and sex therapists. Books like Anne Hooper’s Kama Sutra (DK Publishing, 1994) or The New Joy of Sex (Pocket Books, 1992) provide illustrations and text about dozens of positions and techniques that you can try. In fact, just checking out the sex-book section of the bookstore can be an erotic experience to share! Watching videotapes or reading erotica can give the two of you ideas to experiment with as well.
“Erotic videos are a great way to get comfortable and explore ideas about sex and positions,” says Beck. “Some, like Candida Royale’s Femme productions, are a very gentle and sensual approach to lovemaking; they aren’t the often crude porno that you tend to find in video stores.”
“It’s the old saying, a picture is worth a thousand words,” agrees Banner, who has appeared in videos produced by the Sinclair Intimacy Institute and uses them in her practice. “Everyone who has watched these videos has said these are fantastic and they really help.” Banner recently treated a couple who came to her because the husband was having rapid ejaculation and erection problems. “After watching the videos, they were able to practice some of the things they saw. He says he feels much more confident and relaxed now,” says Banner. “Videos are great because you’re in the privacy of your own home. You can stop and start the tape, rewind—or just turn it off and practice.”
Other options include weekend retreats and workshops that offer couples a chance to explore their sexuality in greater depth. Workshops that offer instruction in tantric sex—lovemaking that focuses on reaching higher spiritual levels as well as sexual ecstasy—are growing in popularity. If you’re interested in attending such an event, ask for references from people who’ve been there to suss out what the workshop entails—they can vary substantially in structure and format. For example, some suggest complete nudity during group activities; others are more sedate.
If you and your partner have been unable to address sexual issues in your relationship, you may want to consider professional help. Sex therapists and counselors work with individuals and couples to help resolve sexual problems. Check your telephone book for a therapist near you, or contact the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists for a referral (aasect.org or send a fax to 319-895-6203).
While the combustion of your initial sexual passion may diminish over time, your sex life need not become mediocre or routine. Willingness to explore your sexuality with your partner—while learning more about each other in the process—will keep your marriage strong and exciting in the years to come. It’s definitely time well spent!
Says Shelly: “I think that putting time and effort into it has made Craig and me more confident and less inhibited with each other. Even though we’re no longer in the first rush of excitement for each other, sex still remains a constantly re-invented experience five years on. We don’t want to fall into a routine and we’re willing to work to make sure that we don’t.”

Passion: The solution to a boring sex life
Tags : Scientific Study of Sexuality , Carol Cassell , Stella Resnick , Tata McGraw-Hill , CPR
January 05, 2009
As part of a relationship series to ensure you’re lucky in love this year, we bring you an excerpt from Put Passion First by Carol Cassell, PhD. The author is a well-known expert in the field of sexuality and through this book, she aims to explain ‘why sexual chemistry is the key to finding and keeping lasting love’.

Presented below are two sections from Part 4,Making Passionate Love Work For You.

Keeping ‘Married’ Sex as Spicy Hot as ‘Singles’ Sex

I’ll say it for the umpteenth time: for a committed, passionate relationship to stay passionate, you need to be a passionate lover. An antiaphrodisiac for passionate sex is having the kind of sex you can set your clock by.

Granted, one of the benefits of being in a committed relationship is that you no longer are dancing to the tune of dating-mating music. But women who are married or in a marriedlike relationship are more frequently mentioning to researchers how rarely they have sex — sweating, satisfying sex that ends with the crescendo of a mind-blowing orgasm. It seems that many women fake ‘it’ for any number of reasons – wanting to assure their partner’s ego that he is a sexual hunk or, more simply, to ‘get it over with’ so they can watch a movie, see their favourite TV show, or finish their book. And apparently, their partners aren’t very demanding either.

Stella Resnick, a well-known therapist from Los Angeles, gave a provocative presentation about sex and monogamy at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality annual meeting in Las Vegas [ Images ]. She pointed out that monogamy, for all its merits, too often results in boring, predictable sex over time. However, she explained, you can avoid those monogamy doldrums — think singles sex. Which means getting the mind-set of a sexy single woman by anticipating the sensual pleasures of going out on a date with the man in your life and looking forward to having great sex with him.

When you think in the mode of ’singles sex’, Resnick says, “You take the time to select something sexy to wear that not only pleases him but makes you feel sexy and sensuous. You flirt. You are seductive. You feel attractive. What makes sex erotic is that you are playful.”

This means you make the effort to make your bedroom inviting and sexy (candles, pillows, nice sheets and fluffy large guy towels in the bath). You bring out your most seductive ammo — teddies, garters, bustier, slinky lingerie, or black lace thongs with tiny rhinestones spelling out something fun like ‘You’re My Daddy!’ across your tush.

“Married sex,” Resnick adds, “usually occurs in bed at night with the last bit of energy you have left before dropping off to sleep. No wonder it’s not imaginative or energetic.” But when in a single mind-set, Resnick suggests that sex doesn’t start on a bed, although it may end there. “You get frisky in different places — from the dining room to the car to the floor of the bedroom. Sometimes you are naked, sometimes half-dressed, sometimes only your panties are flung to the four winds.”

‘Married sex’ brings to mind granny T-shirts, jammies with kittens on them, old coffee cups on the dresser, legs that need shaving, and waiting until after the late news to ‘have sex’. Or worse, waking up to the TV droning on in the middle of the night and not remembering if you kissed him good night. I’m exaggerating here to make my point. Sex within a committed relationship has many wonderful things going for it — from trust, to being sexually comfortable with each other to being in a snug and safe environment that allows you to have sex in its hottest and most pleasurable ways.

But no matter how much you and he love each other, having same-old, same-old sex is boring. Obviously not all couples who are in committed relationships are destined to have ho-hum sex. Still, to keep your sex life from snoozing off, you need to shake things up with sexy surprises and put back into play your sexually enticing skills, such as acting and dressing to tempt, attract and seduce him.

No, you don’t have to be a sex kitten 24/7 (unless you want to), but you do need to pay attention when your sex life needs CPR to keep things alive and interesting.

What About Make-Up Sex?

How does make-up sex fit into the notion of keeping your sex life ‘interesting’? You know, when a couple has great sex after a fight (not a physical fight but a fight in the sense of a heated disagreement). We’ve seen it a thousand times on TV and on movie screens. The couple is sputtering words at a rapid pace, screaming accusations, furious with each other. Then, in the middle of their shouting match, they stop, look startled and immediately begin to tear off each other’s clothes. Next scene: they fall on top of each other to land on the floor or the bed or wherever their fury-fuelled passion leads them.

Make-up sex’s reputation as ‘great sex’ is well earned. After a couple has a knock-down, drag-out shouting match, they’re in a physiological state of arousal thanks to a surge of adrenaline. There is increased blood flow through the body, stimulation of the central nervous system, muscle contraction, elevated heart level, etc. They are, well, hot.

Ironically, some of our society’s best features — the belief in equality, fairness and tolerance — can, in the bedroom, result in humdrum sex. Hot sex thrives on power plays, letting your emotions take over and pulling out all the seduction stops. Given that, it’s easy to see why make-up sex is so torrid. (I’m not referring to forced or violent sex: the ‘act’ must have mutual and clear consent and respect for each other’s desires and boundaries.)

Despite its ability to produce a heat wave, make-up sex doesn’t always work as a way to take a sluggish sex life up a notch. It can’t be more than a rare event, or it loses its kick. However, as an unexpected outcome of an argument it can provide a mega-dose of sexual excitement. Studies show that for some couples the intensity of reuniting after being angry with each other strengthens their feelings of intimacy.

Excerpted from Put Passion First (Rs 275) by Carol Cassell with the permission of publishers Tata McGraw-Hill.

Married Sex: How to Keep Sex Exciting
By Francesca Di Meglio, About.com

Married sex is not a death sentence despite the rumors. “You should know that sexual exploration is a life-long process that doesn’t stop when you get married,” says Cory Silverberg, the guide to sexuality for About.com and an AASECT-certified sex educator. In fact, marriage could mark the beginning of a whole new chapter in your sexual adventures. Here are Silverberg’s tips on making married sex exciting:

Don’t be afraid of sexual ruts.
Let’s face it. There are going to be times when having sex will be difficult – when one of you is under stress, if you have a baby, if one of you just loses a bit of interest in sex for a while for whatever reason, when you’re in-laws are staying with you. That’s perfectly natural, and it does not mean the end of your marriage. “Sexuality ebbs and flows,” says Silverberg. It’s better to just accept that fact and not get caught up in the fact that you’re in a sexual rut. Don’t buy into society’s rules about what your sex life should be.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Neither one of you can read minds. Therefore, you have to talk to each other about your likes, dislikes, fears, and concerns. Sex gets better with intimacy, and you can only have intimacy if you speak to one another openly and honestly about anything that is on your mind. Sex talk can really improve your sex life and your marriage.
Embrace the on-going discovery of each other.
The myth that the mystery is gone simply because you’re married is just that – a myth. You can not possibly know everything about your husband or wife. Talking and having sex with each other will help you learn new things about your spouse’s body and personality.
Be open to trying new things.
“This does not mean that you get married and have to tie each other up or watch erotic movies,” says Silverberg. He adds you can do that stuff if you’d like. But it’s less important that you try more adventurous things, says Silverberg, than you have a sexual spirit that wants to help your spouse learn new things about your body. The two of you should be working together to define and create a fulfilling sex life for yourselves without worrying about how others define adventurous sex.
Remember that a sex manual is not a bible.
You can pick up a sex manual or read about sex online if you’re curious. But sexuality is deeply personal. The goal of sex – what you and your husband or wife would like to get out of having sex – is decided by the two of you. The goal will probably change over time, and that’s decided by the two of you as well. No book can make these decisions for you. Only the two of you know what you need, why, when, etc.
There are no frequency limits or rules.
If you and your partner are happy with having sex once a year, then that is perfectly fine. There is no connection, says Silverberg, between how much sex you have and your sexual happiness and health. Have sex once a year or once a day, whatever pleases the two of you. But if one of you wants more or less sex than the other, then you have to work things out together. It’s common to have different amounts of interest in sex, so don’t make yourself sick with worry about it.
Keep in mind the benefits of married sex.
Although the benefits can also be drawbacks, consider them. As a married person, you don’t have to be concerned with the possibility of sex. You and your husband or wife have someone with whom to have sex, and it is up to you to make the time for it.
By being with someone you love and trust, you can take your sexual relationship deeper and you are probably less fearful of taking risks. “Even if your husband or wife is freaked out by a sexual desire you’ve shared, he or she is probably not going to run away,” says Silverberg. Indeed, knowing your husband or wife — and his or her body — well can lead to different kinds of touch, the willingness to change sexual positions, and the desire to take more risks in general.

Deadly dangers of ADHD drugs

Dear Friend,

For years, I’ve warned you about the potential dangers of the drugs that kids are being pumped full of to combat the fake “disease” called attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). And now, finally, there are some other doctors who’ve found a link that could be frightening enough to curtail the use of these drugs.

A new study funded by the FDA and the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) claims that kids taking ADHD drugs such as Ritalin and Adderal are many times more likely to die suddenly and for unexplained reasons that kids who aren’t on these drugs.

I’ve been telling you for some time how dangerous these drugs are. But this new announcement about links to unexplained sudden death is by far the most extreme. And as sad as this is, it’s hardly surprising. Ritalin is no lightweight narcotic — it’s a schedule II controlled substance (like cocaine) and the possible consequences of taking this drug include heart attacks, growth problems, and psychosis.

And now you can add death to the list.

The speculation among doctors is that taking these stimulant drugs routinely increases the heart rate and has an impact on the cardiovascular system.

And yet, in spite of these links to possible death, the FDA doesn’t feel the need to toughen up the prescribing guidelines for ADHD drugs. That inaction alone needlessly and irresponsibly exposes the more than 2.5 million kids in this country taking Ritalin-like drugs to danger.

In typical half-measure fashion, the FDA even held a press conference to downplay the importance of the findings — yes, the findings of a study that the FDA themselves helped to finance. The agency claimed that the study was too small to allow far-reaching conclusions to be drawn, and that the incidence of sudden death (less than one in 10,000 kids) was too rare to limit the use of drugs to treat a “serious illness” like ADHD.

The fact that even one child has died as a result of taking dangerous drugs to treat an entirely fictional “disorder” is an utter and complete outrage.

You should look at these results the way I have — legitimate proof of the dangers of all ADHD drugs. The suspicions have been there for years (and they weren’t just mine). But the drug companies are making too much money, and too many people in the medical community have bought into the lie of ADHD. All I can do is spread the word to you and hope that parents get the word.

Are You a Newly Married Husband Having Marital Sex Problems?

By Calle Zorro

If you are a young man who has recently joined the ranks of married men, then the odds are high that you’re about to run into significant marital trouble…especially if your new wife isn’t very experienced in the realm of sexual expression.

For some new husbands, sexual problems pop up right away — sometimes even before they get back from their honeymoon.

Here’s one common reason why…

Many a young lady has been programmed for nearly two decades by her mother and other “well-meaning” women that “sex is bad”, “men only want one thing”, etc.

Further, many a young lady grows up hearing the women in her life complaining about the relationship they have with their husband — bombarding her highly impressionable young female ears with all sorts of negative opinions, non-useful perspectives, and sometimes downright harmful beliefs about sex and men.

Well, many things of a sexual nature are inappropriate for a young girl and a good mother will wisely guide her daughter away from and around such things.

After she gets a older, a good mother will counsel her daughter that being unmarried and promiscuous has enough negative consequences that she is best served by avoiding sex.

However, sex IS completely appropriate within a marriage and not only is it appropriate, it’s a good, healthy, and important part of a marriage.

Unfortunately, most new wives never had a mother or other female figure who helped them make this distinction…all the young lady got was, “Sex is bad”.

And, to make things particularly insidious, the new wife’s belief systems are mostly if not completely subconscious.

Rare is the new wife who will consciously think about her new relationship with her husband and compare, contrast, and consider that with her own carefully thought out beliefs.

Rare is the new wife who will put real thought into her needs, her husbands needs, her communication methods, his communication methods, etc and come up with a consciously rational perspective and approach to her marriage.

Instead, she finds herself mentally grappling with and struggling with an unconscious battle between “I’m supposed to have sex with my husband” and “Sex is bad”.

Significantly, this unconscious battle that this new wife is battling is so real – even though it is unconscious – that she will literally begin manifesting health problems. The most common ones being extreme tiredness, pain during intercourse, and yeast infections.

So, what does all of this mean to you as a new husband?

It means you are faced with a challenge…a challenge that will either make or break your marriage.

Specifically, the challenge is for you to LEARN how to create a safe, secure, trusting environment wherein you gently LEAD your new wife into that place where she can comfortably express her sexuality and know that it’s the proper thing to do in her marriage…not only for her husband’s sake, but for her sake as well.

And, you are a man. You are made by God to take on challenges, to establish goals, to achieve, accomplish, and overcome. You can do it.

Really, it’s an honorable and exciting journey that you get to take you and your new wife on…the destination being one of open and exciting sexual expression by both you and your wife.

Enjoy both the journey and the destination!

Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro of NymphomaniacWife.com. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to the following websites is included with it.

Husbands who want a happier, more sexual marriage relationship, get this help: http://www.NymphomaniacWife.com

Husbands who are doing everything they know to do and still there is lack of intimacy in their marriage relationship, get this help: http://www.MoreSexForMen.com

Would you like to improve your sex life

At some point in a couples’ relationship they may feel, for any number of reasons, that their sex life isn’t as satisfying as it could be. Sexual problems are so prevalent, that nearly two thirds of all men and women will experience them at some time during their lives.

Common sexual problems include:

• One partner desiring sex more than the other partner
• Inability to communicate what turns each other on
• Experiencing pain during intercourse
• Allowing outside stressors to interfere with our ability to become sexually aroused
• One partner desiring a style of sex that the other partner is uncomfortable with
• Orgasmic difficulties

When Sex Interferes With Your Relationship:

Bob and Annette are in their early 50s, married for three years, and sleeping in separate bedrooms. They haven’t had sex for over six months. They are suffering from both marital and sexual problems that are separate and interrelated. Dara and Ken are newlyweds in their early 20s. Both are sexually inexperienced and having difficulties making love due to this. Their sexual problems have affected their relationship, and they are both overwhelmed with disappointment, guilt, and anxiety. Lucia and Bruce are working parents with two young children. Although they love each other and their life, they find little or no time for romance or intimacy. They haven’t made love for several months. Bruce is angry with Lucia and feels she pays more attention to the children than to him. Lucia tells Bruce he is selfish and has no idea how difficult her life is. These are a few examples of the circumstances that threaten to derail otherwise healthy unions, and ultimately bring couples into counseling with sexual issues.

Sexual problems need not damage your relationship. Working together we will create a plan to improve your sex life. My approach includes:

• Validation: It’s important to remember that everyone’s sex life is individual and there is no objective standard every woman or man needs to meet. If your sex life works for you and your partner, then you should not worry about what everyone else is doing. If, however, you feel dissatisfied with your sex life, in any way, you may want to consider exploring the causes.

• Assessment – Exploring the causes: Are your sexual issues a by product of other problems in the relationship, or are they purely sexual or technical in nature? Once these answers are discovered we will create a plan to change and improve the way in which you relate sexually.

• Education: Mars & Venus. Men and women tend to define and experience sex in different yet interrelated ways. Women’s sexual response tends to be a complex blend of emotional and physical stimuli. It is ultimately a way to feel more intimately involved with their partner. Men tend to be less comfortable with intimacy and more at ease expressing themselves sexually. It’s their way of feeling close and connected.

• How past messages can affect our sex life. We are greatly affected by the early messages we received from our family, our religion and our culture. From a very young age we are bombarded with images and notions of what our bodies look like and how we act sexuality. To truly enjoy sex, we may need to free ourselves of preconceived ideas about beauty and sex and learn what feels good to us and what we enjoy. Together we will discuss and explore your feeling about sexuality, teasing out any issues that could be holding you back from experiencing great sex with your partner.

• Create a recovery plan. Our consultation time is used as a living laboratory, a place where we can explore different styles, interventions and techniques. It’s time to make a conscious decision to recommit to each other and move sex higher on the priority list. Get creative with your sex life. Find new ways to put some fun, energy and excitement into your relationship. Give yourself permission to explore each other’s fantasies any way you can. Communicate, play, have fun and be creative.