It was my ex-best friends stepfather…
I am 13 going to be 14 in 6 days. It happened when I was only 12. The first anniversary has just passed. I went to my friends house like I usually do almost every weekend. I was making breakfast for the family, but there was no milk and we needed milk. I told my friend and her mom to go to the store and get some because I wanted to take a shower. I knew that her older sister was there and I trusted her alot. So I went to go take a shower but they didn’t tell me that her older sister had gone with them.

I got out of the shower and went to go get dressed in my friends room. Right when I closed the door her stepfather walked in on me naked! I stared, then quickly threw on my towel. I knew something was going to happen so I asked him to get out so I could finish getting dressed. He gave me a look as if I had been bad or done something to make him angry. Then he grabbed me and started touching me!
I screamed but I then stopped because he was telling me that he would just go harder if I yelled more. He took me into his bedroom were he and my friends mother slept. I was crying so hard, I couldn’t say anything. Then he had all of my clothes off and threw me into the closet. They had a huge closet with so many shoes in there. He held me down and took his pants off. Then he forced himself on me! I tried my hardest to yell or scream but I just couldn’t.

I don’t go to counseling, nobody even knows about this apart from any of you who read this. Most of the stories I have read, it says they were 16 or 18, but I am only 13 and it happened last year.
I get so confused sometimes, not knowing whether it was my fault or not. I mean I didn’t yell or scream or even say anything. I just sat there and cried. After he raped me he told me that I was bleeding and I should go clean it up before the family gets back home. I tried to get up but I hurt everywhere. I haven’t talked to a doctor or anyone else about it. I am still scared he will come back to me.
I have never and will never again go into a closet. I am scared to death when people touch me. At school everyone thinks I have the perfect life I am always so happy, but they don’t know that real me. My maths teacher one time put his hand on my shoulder and I flipped out and started crying. He sent me to the counselor but I just said that he scared me.
I am 13 and I don’t want to cause any trouble but I just want to know if I did something wrong, if I could have said something or gave him the impression that I wanted it because I didn’t!
I used to bleed but I don’t any more it stopped after like 4 weeks. I am just happy I didn’t get pregnant. This man drove a motorcycle. Whenever I hear one I also flip out. He was my best friends stepfather. I knew him for so long. I thought I could trust him. But I was wrong!
by paigeon 3 Apr 2005

I don’t really even know why I chose to tell my story, especially since it’s so confusing, but I’m going to try. Maybe someone out there can help me make sense of it all. My mom worked when I was a kid, so my sister and I stayed with a baby-sitter who also had 3 kids of her own. One of her kids was a girl a few months older than myself. She and I became friends and spent quite a bit of time together. One day, she and I were in her room with the door closed. She asked me if I knew how to French-kiss. Since she was my friend, I told her that I didn’t know. She said she knew how and that she wanted to show me how. Of course, I was about 8 at the time and didn’t think anything of it, but it felt kinda weird and I wasn’t very comfortable with the whole thing. She told me that I had to keep it a secret. This happened more and more, and it eventually escalated to touching, fondling, and even re-enacting the lovemaking scenes in movies that she managed to get a hold of. Although I am unable to remember all that went on between the ages of 8 and 11, I do remember that most of the contact was initiated by her; on occasion, she would ask me to initiate the acts. I wouldn’t want to, but she told me several times that if I didn’t, she would tell my mom all about it. Finally, the family moved away, but my mom and her mom, having no clue about anything, would arrange for me to go over to their new house and spend a week. That whole week that I was with them, I was very uncomfortable because she still wanted to do all of that stuff, and I knew that it wasn’t right. So I went along with it, and hoped that I didn’t have to go back. Fortunately, I never went back after that. Even though I was still quite young and had never heard of molestation before, I still considered her a friend and we even talked on the phone a couple of times after a few years. I know that those experiences greatly affected my life. Where boyfriends have been concerned, intimacy of any kind has been an issue. I know that when I get married, it still may be an issue. I just want to have a normal sex life and I’m afraid that I won’t now. I don’t even know if I qualify as a virgin anymore, that’s how confused I am. As my low point in this whole thing, a few months ago, I had phone sex with a guy I met in a chat room. I’m having problems forgiving myself, problems forgiving her, and the funny thing is, I don’t know if I have anything to forgive myself for. I need some help getting through this…pray for me. Thanks for reading this.
by Stephanieeon 19 Aug 2005

I am a 58 year old widow.

I endured sexual assault for 10 years of my life, although my situation was a little different, and even after considerable psychiatric treatment, I still have a hard time not blaming myself and feeling guilt. At the age of 27, I married a wonderful 38 year old airline pilot, who was a widower with three children. He had two daughters aged 5 and 8 and a 16 year old son who I will call Brandon. I think I was too immature for the relationship. I deeply resented my husband’s kids. I was at first abusive and punished my stepchildren unfairly, often hitting them.

Brandon cornered me in the basement and told me that he would “pound me” if I ever hit his sisters again. I hit him and tried to spank him, but we got into a physical fight, which ended with him pinning me and very roughly raping me. It was painful, and the most humiliating event in my life. I didn’t tell my husband, or anyone else, because I didn’t want to lose my marriage or be accused of having sex with a child. On two or three other occasions when I spanked my stepdaughters, Brandon retaliated again by angrily raping me. Until then, I didn’t know that there could be angry sex. Even after he forced me to correct the way I treated my husband’s daughters, the rapes continued. Although I was on birth control, I became pregnant when I was 29 and I don’t know if the baby is my husband’s or his son’s. When he knew he was alone with me, Brandon would roughly rape me. Often leaving my legs and hips bruised. It became routine and continued until my husband suddenly passed away when I was 38 and Brandon 25. At that time, I no longer had to be concerned about my husband knowing about my relationship with Brandon, so I told Brandon that the rape would need to stop. Brandon eventually apologized and we both began psychotherapy, separately and together.

Today I enjoy a good relationship with all four of my children. Although more than twenty years have passed, I will always be affected by my years of abuse, and the knowledge that I was also abusive. I am also grateful to the psychotherapists and social workers who so sensitively and sensibly helped our family.

by Brendaon 20 Jul 2005

Not sure what I’m doing here or how I would like to express my frustration. I was raped for the first time at 18 years of age by someone I considered to be a big brother of mine. But most recently by a guy who I was extremely interested in. We worked together at a very large company, and hung out with the same group of friends. We hang out all of the time I’m not sure what happened this last time I went to visit. It started as usual he called and made plans to play video games and watch movies like any other night. I went over to his house and finally confessed what he probably already knew that I had a really big crush on him. It started out fine we had a couple of shots… played a couple of rounds of a the fighting game “Tekken.” Then he kissed me and I was kind of taken back by this, but I accepted it with open arms. I thought finally someone who I had grown really fond of would reciprocate those feelings. The kiss only lasted a few seconds then I pulled back, and smiled then we continued to play. We took a few more shots and then a few friends called and said that they were gonna come over after work. We started to watch a movie, and I snuggled close to him and put my head on his chest. I looked up at him and smiles and then he kissed me again.. we started to make out, I let him touch me, and we just continued to kiss some more. Then he got up and went to the bathroom. At this time I was feeling a little tipsy because I really don’t drink. Then he turned aggressive. I told him to stop and that I didn’t want to have sex with him but he continued anyway. He is a much bigger guy then I am. I’m only 5′1, 130lbs and he is 6′2 about 220, so there is really no fighting him, but I did with all my might. I just could not help thinking in the back of my mind “This could not be happening to me again… I just can’t live through this again. NOT AGAIN!” But it happened again. I asked him over and over to stop, and why he was doing this to me and all that he could say to me is that he wanted to show me how much he liked me.

I was raped when I was 18, 3 years ago. My best friend and I had gone to a party. There were some guys there that we knew for a long time. Still to this day, I’m confused at what really happened and why? I remember getting sick, puking in the bathroom. I was not the person with a great tolerance for alcohol. But, I do know that it happened way too fast like I was drugged. I had blacked out in the bathroom hugging the toilet. And when I awoke, I was lying down on a bed and he was taking off my shoes and pants. I had passed out again, and I didn’t wake up till the next morning when I found myself naked in the bed and him the same way. I was confused, I had asked my friend the next day what had happened. She told me that he had carried me from the bathroom and into the bedroom. She even admitted that she went to check on me and saw that he was taking advantage of me and she didn’t do anything about it. We are no longer friends because of it. I was a virgin at the time and this guy I had known for 7 years did this to me. It took me 8 days to tell anyone because I was in shock. I took him to court as my friend being the witness. Because I didn’t even know what had happened after the first hour I was at the party, he was convicted and got put in jail. That was a big healing process for me. But still this day I have issues, a lack of trust. I can’t personally get close to any of my friends, because of the betrayal I encountered from my friend at the time. I fear any sexual intimacy from any guy. I still have my up and down days and I’m still healing. It takes time.
by kelcieon 1 Jun 2005

Hi, this is my story, well the parts that I can remember anyhow.
At around the age of 8 my life turned black. I say that because from then till I was about 20, most of my memories involved either my brother or my uncle, being sad or being suicidal.
When I was about 8, my brother and his friends were starting to go through puberty I guess. As I was the only female that they could get access to, I became their learning tool. I was a way for them to learn about being stimulated and receiving oral sex. (If there is anything more, I can not remember it). I do remember at that time, my brother had a lot of friends though. They used to say that they would pay me to perform oral sex on them. At one stage my mum got a bit suspicious about it and asked me. I told her what was going on and she told me that it should not happen and to tell her if they did it again. I was only little, and they offered money, it wasn’t a hard choice for me. I let it continue. After a number of years, we moved to another state. Away from the friends and it all ended. Or so I thought.
After only a couple of years of this, we started visiting my uncle and aunt and seeing them at a friend’s farm. At the farm, my uncle and I would go for walks. There we would find a place and he would touch me, in different places, and put his fingers inside of me. I didn’t think it bothered me what he was doing because I was already damaged goods after my brother anyhow. This continued with him for many years, probably about 5.
The entire time through this and since, I have been trying to find ways to find an endless peace.
Since my husband and I met, for some reason I have been steadily going down hill. It is to the point where I have tried to kill him, just for being him. I don’t mean to, it just happens. Now I have just started getting help. I have never told my family the full story, they all seem like such good friends and I don’t want to tear them apart. One day maybe.
by cassy-lee on 24 Jun 2005

When I was 15, I dated an 18 year old guy for about a month. I had to keep him secret from my family because they all liked the boy I had been dating, and wouldn’t have allowed me to date someone who was 18. I also had to keep it secret from my nosey kid sister, because she would have ratted me out something fierce. I realized about 2 weeks in that I was scared of him, and that he wanted to possess me. The acutal thought was that he wanted to own me, and I was scared and (somewhat) flattered at the same time. I realized I couldn’t be with him when I was hanging out at his house and he gave me a drink (spiked) and I woke up on his floor naked with him buckling his belt. At the time I thought I had got drunk and asked for it, but I broke up with him because I was mad he did that while I was “drunk”. He started calling every day and every night, and driving by my house. He would sit outside my school and come into my work a dozen times a night. If it wasn’t him, he had his friends keeping tabs on me. Adam was nothing if not determined. One night while I was babysitting he broke into their house and raped me while the baby cried in his crib. To this day, I don’t remember much about the rape, only that I felt bad for the baby because he was crying and I wasn’t there.

Later that week, my younger sister came home and told me she had met an “older guy” who was “totally into her and not me”. I was happy for her because normally her 14 year old boyfriends trailed around me, and at that point, I wasn’t liking guys too much. It turns out that it was Adam, although he called himself A.J. to her. He called me and told me we were getting back together or she would get some of what I had had while babysitting. I tried to tell my parents but they thought I had an overactive imagination – he comes from a good, solid, police family. There was no help from my parents.

I got back together with him, and if I wouldn’t consent to sex he would beat me on the back, legs, thighs, anywhere where it wasn’t visible. Most times he would beat me and then rape me anyhow. I finally showed my parents the bruises after he had broken 4 of my ribs. They “conferenced” with his dad, and it was agreed he would get help.

He didn’t.

Months later my parents and sister went on a 2-week vacation, but I was left at home because I had school and a job. It was agreed that my friend Sean would stay over the whole time because I couldn’t sleep without someone in the house. I felt terrorized even though nothing had happened in months. Sean’s girlfriend was mad (it was their year anniversary) so I told him I’d be ok, to just leave me to sleep. He did, and Adam and friends broke in. They killed my dog and left me for dead after raping me all night. When Sean came in the morning, he found my dog decapitated, his head in bed with me. I had 7 broken ribs, a ruptured spleen, punctured lungs, a severely bruised larynx, and “massive” trauma to my sex. I was in the hospital for a month.

It eventually went to court, thanks to forensic details four of the friends were convicted. They had nothing but my word that Adam was in my house, and his friends wouldn’t squeal.

I am now 29 years old, STILL sleep with a light on, and am still dealing with court issues because Adam’s father knows how to play the system. He is responsible for the fact I will never have children, and has stolen everything from me but HOPE. I can only hope that one day I see justice and he is convicted of the ongoing sexual assaults. I have spent almost as much of my life fighting him than I have without him. He is currently awaiting sentencing for multiple counts of criminal harassment and sexual assault, which means he is being held in jail and can’t bother me. There is a light, no matter how small… sometimes we just need to look for it.
by Jen on 1 Nov 2004

I was 13 when it happened, so alone and quiet all the time I wish it never happened. Me and my brother and sister had no parents really, they were either out getting high or sleeping with every person they would see. My brother wasn’t really there for me either, he was always hanging out with his other friends or sleeping over their houses for usually two weeks leaving me and my sister alone with a friend who lived with us. I shall call him bob. My sister was 14 and I was 13 and bob said that when I turned 14 he would do the same things to me as he did to my sister. Since my sister was older he could do more THINGS to her. Now remember my brother was never there. Sometimes he would rape me 4 times a day and my sister at least 6 times. One day I was in my room playing with my dolls (it was in December 1st so it was really cold) when bob opened my door and walked over to me. I ran into a corner and crawled into a little ball. He took my dolls and broke the heads off of all of them and pushed them under the bed. He came over to me and picked me up while I was screaming “no please stop it, don’t make me do this again!” he threw me on the bed then ran over to lock the door so my sister wouldn’t come in and stop him. He then ran back over to the bed and spread my legs apart with his feet and pinned my arms down saying “now come on baby I know you want this, don’t even try to fight it” he was then laughing while penetrating me but when he looked in my eyes I turned away and he would say “look me in my eyes and say you love me” while I was saying that I loved him I was crying and my sister finally heard it but when she tried to get into the door she couldn’t so she started screaming “bob please don’t do it, let her go! Take me instead not her!” she was banging on the door. When he was done he kissed my forehead and opened the door where my sister was on her knees crying. When he left I sat up my hair messed up and I smelled like sex. She hugged me and we both fell asleep. When I woke up I was wakened by a loud screaming, that’s when I jumped up and went to my sisters door but when I tried to get in it was locked. You guessed it, bob was doing the same thing to her. I could hear him saying “next time me and your sister are doing something keep your ass out of my business ok?” and I heard my sister saying “you cant do that to her its torture!” he then said “torture I’ll show you torture” and the next thing I know she was screaming and he was grunting that’s when I screamed “stop it bob your hurting her stop it!” I heard something hit the floor hard and then the door opened. Bob was standing in front of me face to face and I saw my sister on the floor crying. He grabbed my arm and said “come on you crybaby bitch” and we went in my room and closed and locked the door. He slammed me into the wall and threw me on the floor and I crawled to the bed. he picked me up and threw me on the bed and stared ripping my clothes apart saying “I knew you wanted me I could feel it” I then yelled “please bob not on my birthday” he paused and said “that’s right it is your birthday aint it? Well I got your present right here” and he spread my legs apart and penetrated me. He told me to act like I was enjoying it or he would kill me so I did what I could. I moaned, I kissed I even smiled as he twisted and turned to satisfy himself then had to lay down on my belly while he penetrated me from the back. Going harder and deeper with each twist and turn until we both cried out when he gave a big jult. He just laid on top of me smelling the shampoo in my hair saying “happy birthday Sarah”. He pulled out of me and got up and left the house.

That is all I can remember of the rape on my birthday bob was 17 I was 14 (because my birthday was that day) and my sister was 14. Now as I said before my dear sweet loving brother was never there to help me or my sister cope with the brutal rape by bob that happened until I was 18. I am now 20 years old. my sister was pregnant with his child but lost it due to brutal beatings.
by sarah on 11 Sep 2004