What Is Marital Intimacy?

Intimacy is the closeness of your relationship with your spouse — emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, sexually, and in many other ways. Intimacy is not an end goal but rather a journey that lasts throughout your marriage. Marriage and family researchers Schaefer and Olson (1981) describe attaining intimacy as “a process that occurs over time and is never completed or fully accomplished” (p. 50). As you both grow and develop, each of you changes. If you neglect intimacy in your marriage, you will grow apart. The time to work on intimacy is now.

Benefits of Intimacy in Marriage

Studies show that marriage offers many benefits. According to Olson and Olson (2000), “Married people tend to be healthier, live longer, have more wealth and economic assets, and have more satisfying sexual relationships than single or cohabiting individuals. In addition, children generally do better emotionally and academically when they are raised in two-parent families” (p. 3).

The physical benefits are widely supported by research. Several recent studies, for example, found heart benefits that are particularly dramatic for men. At Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, researchers assessing the marital intimacy of 10,000 married couples asked the husbands: “Does your wife show you her love?” The husbands who answered yes reported having significantly less chest pain within the next five years than the men who answered no (Ornish, 1998). In another study of 119 men and 40 women, Yale scientists found that husbands who reported feeling loved and supported by their wives had less artery-blockage than those who did not (Ornish).

Mental health is also better for couples with healthy intimacy. Researchers Firestone and Catlett (1999) say, “In our opinion, love is the one force that is capable of easing [depression]” (p. 13).

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