Five Keys for Resolving Marital Conflict

Don and Sally Meredith for Two Becoming One

What do you think of this article, does it fit your experience?-Robert Heard

Husbands and wives are usually one or the other when it comes to dealing with conflict in marriage – we tend to either explode immediately or bury our feelings to be triggered at a later date. Some of us are quick to throw our anger and pain right back at our spouse when a conflict surfaces. Some of us avoid conflict at all costs, burying our hurt deep in the recesses of our hearts until our spouse inadvertently detonates the pain.

If you are married and are two hand grenades, explosions are probably frequent, but quick, leaving scars on your souls.

If you are married and are two land mines, explosions are rare, but huge, leaving craters in your hearts.

If you are married as a hand grenade and a land mine, watch out, you never know when the explosions will come and they inflict all kinds of damage.

Which one are you?

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A good marriage is based on much more than good sex. But couples who let physical passion drift away lose an essential emotional connection to each other.

Often the feelings of romance and attraction that first drew together a man and woman get lost over time. This is because the couple fails to recognize, appreciate and understand the natural differences between the sexes.

This lack of understanding can lead to feelings of rejection… frustration… and, ultimately, to sexual and emotional distance.

It is, of course, possible to improve your sex life — and in all likelihood the quality of your marriage.

SEX AND COMMUNICATION

Both men and women are looking for the same things — connection, intimacy and love. But the ways they go about meeting these needs are different.

For most men, the primary way of connecting is through sex. Women connect primarily through verbal communication.

When a woman feels that her need for communication is not being taken seriously by her partner, she begins to lose her enthusiasm for sex. Similarly, if a man’s sexual needs are not satisfied, his ability to be expressive in other ways tends to diminish.

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Do you agree with this article, please comment as I find it most interesting-Robert Heard

2. What role do you think religions/churches play in connection with cruelty to children?
2. All the religions I know of uphold the tenet that children should honor their parents and ancestors, however cruel they may have been to their children. Almost everyone abides by this commandment, even if their health suffers as a result. The reason for this suffering is that for the body morality is meaningless. The body cannot lie. It has stored the memories of the torments inflicted on it and it urges us to respect that truth. The point is that we cannot truly love and honor people who have made us suffer for years on end, unless we deceive ourselves into doing so.

3. How, in your experience, do representatives of the church respond to this issue?
3. As you know, I have written a number of letters to the present Pope and his predecessor, also to various cardinals, including Cardinal Lustiger. I got either evasive replies or no answer at all

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Marriage counseling questions are designed to help a couple address problems and enhance their relationship. Although many couples delay getting professional help for their marriage, counseling sessions often provide opportunities for a husband and wife to examine conflicts and potential stressful issues via a problem-solving approach that can strengthen their marriage rather than let it continue in a negative way or even dissolve.

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A friend gave me this site. I have a long and depressing story I suppose. I was sexually molested as a child. At the age of 5 till 6 1/2 I was forced to give oral,touch him, and he touched me. Then at the age of 14 I was staying over at a friends house. Her brother Johnny was staying for the summer. he followed me around the whole day, taunting me “I love you, if u love me u’ll fuck me”….he even went to the extent to shove his hands down my pants a couple times. I shoved him away but he just kept coming back. My friend and I alone in the house with him I went upstairs to get something from my bag. I turned around and he was standing there smiling. I remember thinking “run dumbass” but I froze. He grabbed me and threw my down, I tryed to get up but he was very muscular. Short but very strong. I fought for like 10 min, he smacked me hard, enough to almost knock me out…it stunned me untill he ripped my jeans off. I remember looking down and starting to get up. He pinned me…holding my hands with one hand and using his other hand to pry my legs open..once he was between them he started touching me and when i felt him there…i stared out the window till it was over. When he was done he pulled out…it was everywhere…blood ran down my legs (I was a virgin)..he said two things “If ur pregnant it isnt mine” and “clean ur mess up or I’ll tell everyone how big a slut u are”…i clean the sheets up and zoned out the rest of the day. The next day my friend wanted to talk so we went for a walk. The woods behind thier house was peaceful, I wanted to tell her but I was so scared. Then we heard something behind us. He came up and i started backing up. He told her to go back to the house, we wanted to be alone. I looked at her…i couldnt speak.I shook my head no but she went cause she was scared of him too. He started after me..I ran screaming…NO NO DONT PLEASE DONT. Crying so hard I couldnt see, I tripped and when i started to get up he tackled me. Pinning me down I felt so helpless I just screamed NOOOO NOOOO STOP. He covered my mouth and I gave up. I just went limp and cryed. He said ” U want it again or u would have went home”( i stayed the night even after the first time) I blamed myself for years. He just walked off after he was done…giving me this look i can see to this day. I layed there, cold but numb for hours…i remeber my friend touching my soulder and jolting into relity..i was leaned against a tree talking to myself.(she said, i cant remember) She says i didnt say anything as we walked back…i dont even remember getting dressed. He sat across from me at the dinner table that night, winking at me. Her other brothers bothered me from that day on i had to fight. Ive fought since i was 5.

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Love, marriage, and sex are the three building blocks making sexual intimacy possible. Love—contrary to the vast majority of songs on the radio about this topic—is about meeting the needs of others, and is not about self-gratification. Obviously, you don’t need marriage to have sex; but you certainly do need marriage to experience the authentic, “10 on the Richter Scale” sex God intended!

Love, sex, and marriage without the relational emphasis is just the sexual act; it leaves people empty, dissatisfied, and feeling guilty. This explains just one reason why pornography (even apart from the terrible psychological addiction), is so destructive: it delivers a momentary, addictive pleasure without the core dimension of intimacy.

The Four C’s of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage:

1. Communication
   Frustration accumulates when a husband and/ or wife are not able to communicate about problems, desires, fears, or a host of other regularly unspoken issues that impact their sexual experience.

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What is Intimacy?

Intimacy is probably one of the most misunderstood concepts in relationships. Somewhere down the line intimacy and sex became interchangeable words, many people believing they are one and the same. And while intimacy may include sex, it involves much more. Intimacy encompasses an entire way of being, acting, and thinking. It is a place of commitment, vulnerability, and trust. Intimacy is when both the man and woman understand each other while simultaneously feeling understood. People can be married for years and never truly be intimate with each other.

“We Are Not Close Anymore” - The Difficulty of Maintaining Intimacy in Marriage

Unfortunately, for the most part, we all carry emotional baggage with us before we even enter committed relationships that when we do, we cannot allow ourselves to trust or be open with our partner. Consciously or unconsciously, we are always waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop; meanwhile we shut ourselves off from experiencing what we all innately desire — a partnership in which we can simply be, without fear or mistrust

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Help For Problems In Marriage A Bold Promise: By the time you finish this article, you’ll have all you need to save your marriage and regain the relationship.  Only in the event of abuse or adultery is divorce a solution, though divorce may not be needed even then.  How dare I make such a bold and sweeping claim?  Let’s see!

Marriage Problems: “We always fight, we don’t agree, If only (he/she) would (your complaint here), we’re not compatible, we married too young, my spouse is too (your whine here).  Without exception, in each couple that’s asked me for marital counsel, I’ve found  both husband and wife to have the same problem.  The problem is…”me first.”  Think about how you described them before the wedding to your family and friends, “person of my dreams…one I’ve always wanted…meet my every need.” After about a year of marriage it dawns on us that our spouse has wants and needs they expect us to fulfill, too.  When we discover these two sets of expectations don’t match, the battle begins…who will be first?  The answer is, all too often, neither…they divorce.  This is the “divorce cycle. People go through the divorce cycle many times, adding children, making true relationship more difficult.  But, not impossible… there’s hope.  Here are some top-selling books to help in saving a marriage.

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Some married couples experience problems once they have a baby. There are often changes in a couple’s sex life, and many women have insecurities about their bodies after having a baby. Married couples have to accept the reality that life is going to change – forever – once they start a family. Sometimes men feel rejected and unloved by their wives because of the amount of time she is devoting to caring for their baby or children. Some women feel resentment towards their husbands because they don’t feel like their husband is involved enough in taking care of the children and household. Husbands and wives need to understand that they have to work together as a parenting team and they also cannot forget to foster and nourish their relationship as a couple.

Many married couples experience a major slow-down in their sex lives once they begin having children. Women often feel differently about their bodies after childbirth, and they become insecure and less comfortable being intimate. Often, women gain a substantial amount of weight during pregnancy, and they have a hard time dropping the excess pounds after they give birth because they are so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a new mommy.

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