Are you a Victim of Domestic Violence?

1. Is your partner threatening or violent towards you or the children?2. Do you find yourself making excuses or minimizing your partner’s behavior?

3. Do you feel completely controlled by your partner?

4. Do you feel helpless, trapped, alone, and isolated?

5. Do you blame yourself for the violence?

6. Does your partner blame you and tell you that you are the cause of all his problems?

7. Do you blame the violence on stress, on drugs/alcohol, or a bad childhood?

8. Does your partner constantly accuse you of having affairs when he can’t account for 100% of your time? Does he tell you jealousy is a sign of love?

9. Do you fear going home?

10. Are you limited in your freedom like a child? (Go to the store and come straight home. It should take you 15 minutes.)

11. Do you find yourself lying to hide your partner’s real behavior (for example, saying you fell down the stairs when actually you were pushed)?

12. Are you embarrassed or humiliated by your partner in an effort to control your behavior, especially in public?

13. Does your partner abandon you, leave you places, or lock you out?

14. Does your partner hide your keys, mail, or other important papers?

Progression of Domestic Violence

PHASE 1: Pre-battering violence: verbal abuse, hitting objects, throwing objects, breaking objects, and making threats; increased tension, anger, blaming and arguing. When abusers hit or break objects or make threats, almost 100% resort to battering.

PHASE 2: Beginning levels: pushing, grabbing, restraining.

PHASE 3: Moderate levels : slapping, pinching, kicking, pulling hair.

PHASE 4: Severe levels : hitting, choking, beating with objects, use of weapons, and rape by intimidation, threat or force.

PHASE 5: Calm Stage: Abuser may deny or rationalize the violence, apologizing or promising not to repeat the abuse.(may decrease over time)

The progression of domestic violence may alternate from tension building, where the victim is walking on eggshells to avoid abuse, to the apologetic and remorseful abuser after a violent incident has taken place. Each relationship is different.

Sweet Baby Syndrome (How he gets to come back)

1. Honeymoon Syndrome : any bribe that will get her to return to him. (also known as “Hearts and Flowers”)

2. Super Dad Syndrome : he tells her that he will be a great dad if she returns. This works especially if he has neglected the kids in the past.

3. Revival Syndrome : this is not really a valid revival or salvation since he has probably only gone to church only a few times. “I have been going to church every Sunday since you left.” I have accepted Christ into my life.” He puts the responsibility for his battering on God.

4. Sobriety Syndrome : “If he can stop drinking he will stop beating me” Drinking does not cause beating–if it did, then they would beat strangers on the street.

5. Counseling Syndrome : “I have gone to counseling, I won’t do it anymore.” Long term counseling is needed and less than 1% voluntarily go into counseling.

To read on click here

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 27th, 2010 at 7:32 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.