How to Rekindle Love
by William Batson

What can you do if you find yourself in a marriage characterized by unrealistic expectations, faulty communication, unending power struggles, and poisonous emotions? How do you rekindle dedication and enthusiasm for a marriage whose light has dimmed because of the long-term effect of these negative patterns?

First, you need to believe that it can be done, especially with the Lord’s help. I cannot predict the future of a particular relationship, but many couples are able to repair and strengthen the most lifeless and frustrating marriages.

Second, you must really be willing to work at it, because it will take sustained work before the feelings of dedication and enthusiasm return. This is sometimes where couples become overwhelmed. The effort seems colossal and the results insignificant. You will have to work against your present feelings and some tendencies that now exist in the relationship if you are to see long-term positive results.

A strategy Jesus gave to Christians whose love and enthusiasm for Him had diminished, can help couples breathe life into their marriages. Jesus told them, “Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first” (Revelation 2:5, NIV). Rooted in this verse, the authors of A Lasting Promise (Stanley, Trathen, McCain, Bryan; Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1998) suggest this plan:

• Remember What You Used to Have Together. What were things like when you first met? What attracted you to each other? What did you do on your first date? What kinds of things did you do for fun? Do you still do any of these things?  Most couples find this kind of reminiscing enjoyable and enlightening. It reminds you that at one time you had some pretty great feelings for one another. This step can be an attempt to regain an appetite or desire for the relationship.

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