Do you think successful marriages are only for the lucky ones? Have you ever wondered why some couples can’t wait to see each other while other couples can’t spend 5 minutes in the same room together without fighting? If it’s not luck, then why do some couples have successful marriages filled with love and romance, and others struggle with rejection and disappointment?

It has nothing to do with luck. It has everything to do with what you saw growing up. Did your parents communicate effectively, act in a loving way, laugh and have fun together? If not, you didn’t have good role models. So, how in the world are you supposed to have the key to successful marriages if you never saw successful marriages in action?

Is There A Key to Successful Marriages?

In the midst of your frustration and anguish, do you find yourself asking, “How do other couples do it? How have they stayed married 20, 30, 40 and even 50 years? What’s the key to successful marriages anyway?” Robert found out.
“I felt I had been cheated. The passionate women were only on the screen at the movies. My wife was wrapped up in her needs, her career, and gave absolutely nothing to me. I felt empty and alone for the past 3 years. Getting advice from a good friend who went through a nasty divorce himself, a dad who had had left my mom years ago, and 2 professionals, did nothing to change my situation.%

a study published in the May issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, researchers came to a surprising conclusion: hospitalizations for poisoning by prescription medication has increased by 65 percent from 1999 to 2006. The rates of unintentional poisoning– from prescription opioids, sedatives and tranquilizers in the U.S. has surpassed motor vehicle crashes as the leading cause of unintentional injury death.

Simply put, this means that poisoning from prescription drugs is now the second leading cause of unintentional injury death in the U.S.

“Deaths and hospitalizations associated with prescription drug misuse have reached epidemic proportions,” said the study’s lead author, Jeffrey H. Coben, MD, of the West Virginia University School of Medicine. “It is essential that health care providers, pharmacists, insurance providers, state and federal agencies, and the general public all work together to address this crisis. Prescription medications are just as powerful and dangerous as other notorious street drugs, and we need to ensure people are aware of these dangers and that treatment services are available for those with substance abuse problems.”

Dr. Coben states that while the data shows a fast-growing problem, there’s an urgent need for more in-depth research on these hospitalizations. The study was able determine whether the poisonings were diagnosed as intentional, unintentional or undetermined.

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When my last article (how to overcome a dysfunctional relationship) went up, I did not expect to receive more than the usual share of feedback. Though my hope was that the topic would prove informative and useful, my assumption was that it was not “sexy” enough to warrant an inordinate reader response.

Boy was I ever wrong. To date, I have yet to generate as much feedback from a single article. The wave of e-mail the week the article went live was so considerable that I felt the need to return with a similar topic. Most of you wrote in to thank me for the article and to my joy, inform me that you had in fact overcome a dysfunctional relationship. There was a sizeable minority of e-mail however, from men who had yet to break the cycle of emotional abuse.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

I mention “sizable minority” but we know that there is a vast “silent” majority of men who suffer in silence in the face of emotional abuse. They feel shame, fear, and choose to ignore the abuse and live with it. The fact is that we live in a society where the abuse of men is not a mainstream concern.

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Emotional Abuse in Marriage

“The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master – that’s all.” – Lewis Carroll We tend to be too extreme when it comes to talking about emotional abuse. Emotional abuse, to most of us, stands for one spouse beating another, bruised eyes, swollen lips, bleeding noses and an uncensored hurling of invectives. Abuse comes in many shapes and forms.

We tend to be too extreme when it comes to talking about emotional abuse. Emotional abuse, to most of us, stands for one spouse beating another, bruised eyes, swollen lips, bleeding noses and an uncensored hurling of invectives. Abuse comes in many shapes and forms. Sometimes the symptoms of emotional abuse are obvious, while at other times, it may take a subtle form. Often the victim fails to realize that he/she is Infact being emotionally abused or even traumatized. Emotional abuse is often the precursor of physical and sexual abuse. The perpetrator most of the times suffers from a chronic sense of insecurity and a vicious tendency to be in control of everything, so far as his/her marital life is concerned. He/she goes to the extreme to control the life style, behaviour patterns and personal choices of the other partner.

Infact, the perpetrator often stands justified in his/her own conscience and tries to sabotage the self esteem of the other partner to an extent where he/she stands willing to accept the entire responsibility for his/her ordeal and takes everything without any resistance, like a rag doll. Most of the times the victim and the perpetrator tend to respond to the reality at a subconscious level and are unaware of the fact that they are resorting to or are a victim of emotional abuse. What is necessary is an open discussion about the symptoms of and remedies for emotional abuse.

One of the primary symptoms of emotional abuse is that the abuser tries to completely isolate the victim. He/she tries to control the entire gamut of the victim’s social life. It is the abuser who decides, whom the victim will see, where can he/she go, what kind of friends can he/she make, to whom can he/she make phone calls, what type of job will he/she do, what type of guests can he/she receive and everything. The abuser has an underlying urge to socially isolate the victim and deprive him/her from forging any meaningful social support system. Often the abuser resorts to tantrums, deliberate withdrawal, false mood swings and open disapproval to get his/her way. This leaves the victim totally dependent on the abuser to satisfy his/her social and emotional needs. The abuser tries to justify his/her acts by explaining them as caring for the victim and love for him/her. The abuser may openly criticize, deride and insult the victim’s friends and family members, so that they stay away from him/her. In extreme cases, the other family members of the abuser may cooperate in restraining and spying on the victim.

This is often accompanied by verbal and financial abuse. Predominantly the abuser may act outright aggressive and will resort to yelling, shouting, blatant insult, name calling, blaming and abusing the victim and the people who are close to him/her. The abuser may also try to break all sort of communication with the victim, leaving him/her in a state of emotional void and confusion. Sometimes the abuser is diabolically sophisticated and may resort to mildly insulting and critical remarks and vicious bantering to torment the victim. The underlying spirit is that of a total disrespect and disregard for the victim’s personal views, feelings and emotions. Financial abuse is an essential component of any type of emotional abuse in a marriage. The abuser uses the money as a weapon to exercise his/her will over the victim. He/she may deny the victim, any sort of financial security and freedom or may leave him/her responsible for all the household expenses and financial responsibility. The abuser often acts financially irresponsible and may force the victim to support his/her extravagance at all costs.

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Female Domestic Violence

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Menstuff® has compiled the following information on Female Domestic Violence. Related issues: Domestic Violence, Women’s Violence.

Controlling Domestic Violence Against Men

Abstract

People hit and abuse family members because they can. In today’s society, as reflected in TV, movies, law enforcement, courts, and feminist propaganda, women are openly given permission to hit men. Presently 25%-30% of all intimate violence is exclusively female on male.

“Primary aggressor” laws usually result in arrest of the male and ignore research showing 50% of domestic assaults are mutual combat. The woman is thus encouraged to abuse her partner further until finally he will take no more. Such provocation of the human male is dangerous. Studies consistently find women use weapons more often in assaults than do men (~80% for women; ~25% for men). Women are significantly more likely to throw an object, slap, kick, bite, or hit with their fist or an object.

There is no support in the present data for the hypothesis that women use violence only in self defense. Three common reasons women give for male abuse are: to resolve the argument; to respond to family crisis; and to ” stop him bothering me.” Male abuse of a woman, requiring self defense, is one of the less-frequently stated reasons by women for their assaults.

Our research shows that a gender-balanced approach to domestic violence is essential in order to reduce both the frequency and severity of such incidents for both men and women. Present laws and practices appear to commonly have the opposite effect.

Why Do Women Hit Men?

Gelles (1997, p. 133) put it succinctly: “People hit and abuse family members because they can.” And in today’s society, as reflected in TV, movies, and feminist doctrine, women are openly given permission to hit men. For example, a woman slapping a man in the face is rarely, if ever, viewed as “domestic violence.”

We are fighting a losing war against family violence until society withdraws permission from women to hit their intimate partners. The problem and causes of female violence must also be recognized and addressed.

It has been suggested that female assaults on males are almost always for reasons of self-defense. Outside of studies that come from clinical samples of women who seek services in domestic violence centers and social service agencies we have not found evidence to support that hypothesis.

Fiebert and Gonzales (1997) have looked at the reasons why women assault from a sample of 978 college women in California. Within a 5-year period, 20%, or 285 of the women surveyed admitted to physical aggression against their male partners.

There does not seem to be any support in the available data for the feminist proposition that women only use violence against men in self defense. The most-common reasons the women in the Fiebert and Gonzales (1997) study gave for assaulting their male partners included:

• My partner wasn’t sensitive to my needs
• I wished to gain my partner’s attention.
• My partner was not listening to me.

The factor of the male being abusive to the woman was one of the less-frequently stated reasons for the female’s assault.

Fiebert and Gonzales (1997) also asked for more profound reasons as to why the woman had assaulted her male partner. The five leading reasons the women gave to that query were:

• I believe that men can readily protect themselves so I don’t worry when I become physically aggressive (24%).
• I have found that most men have been trained not to hit a woman and therefore I am not fearful of retaliation from my partner (19%).
• I believe if women truly are equal to men then women should be able to physically express anger at men (13%).
• I learned when growing up that I could be physically aggressive toward my brother and he would not fight back (12%).
• I sometimes find when I express my anger physically I become turned on sexually (8%).

In two Australian studies (Sarantakos, 1998, 1999), the most common type of male behavior that resulted in abuse was a minor violation of household rules.

In Sarantakos’ studies the three most common reasons women gave for abuse of their male partners were:

• To resolve the argument.
• To respond to family crisis.
• To “Stop him bothering me!”

We are aware of two studies that have asked the questions of assault context and self-defense in the general population.

An English study by Carrado et al. (1996), summarized in Table 2, suggests that ~80% of assaults by wives on their husbands were for reasons other than self-defense. Items C and F in Table 2 were identified as clear examples of self-defense. Note that multiple reasons are often given for the same assault.

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“I feel depressed, but my boyfriend/husband doesn’t seem to care, and won’t help me with it.
Is it possible that my depression is being caused by my relationship?”

Symptoms of

Have antidepressants become the American burka? We might claim that there is nothing like that in the United States of America, but we would be wrong. While we do not see women wearing garments that cloak their ability to be recognized and voice their opinions in public, more subtly we have created a chemical burka in this country which can be just as oppressive to women.

Instead of U.S. doctors first referring their troubled women patients for talk therapy so they can be given a safe haven to express, even vent, their fears and pain; too many U.S. women are reflexively given antidepressant drugs that numb the very feelings that let her know if her life, and her society, are on or off track.

Here are some facts that should send up a big red flag about the over prescribing of these medications: Women make up 50 percent of the U.S. population yet account for 79 percent of the prescriptions for antidepressant drugs. One out of three doctor’s visits by women involves an antidepressant prescription. Antidepressant use during pregnancy has increased from 5.7 percent in 1999 to 13.4 percent in 2003. Currently there is a class action suit against the makers of the antidepressant Paxil alleging that the drug taken during pregnancy causes heart valve birth defects. The current meta-studies indicate that anti-depressant drugs don’t work for the vast majority of people they are prescribed for and cause a host of unpleasant side-effects including loss of sex drive and weight gain. Because these drugs mostly do not get to the root of the problem, doctors keep increasing dosages and adding drugs onto the first prescribed medication creating a numbing chemical burka. This chemical burka is robbing our country of the women’s voice of sanity that it desperately needs.

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