People living in the Quintano Roo area including both Mexican and expats are invited to become a part of a group of people who will become involved in the development of Angel Notions Suicide Prevention Program. If you are interested in helping and care about the alarming rate of suicide in Quintano Roo ( the second leading cause of death among young people aged 17 – 24 years old) please contact us via Facebook or email Bob at robertheard@counselingonlinesite.com. We want you to be very involved in making decisions, planning, policy making and funding. We need your help! The qualification you need is to care. Here are the statistics:

DATA ON SUICIDE IN MEXICO(Institute of Psychiatry, Mexico)

◦ In Mexico, as a whole, suicide is especially high in the following regions: Quintana Roo, Tabasco, Yucatan, Logwood, The Low South California – Chihuaha.

◦ Quintana Roo, in accordance with most recent statistics, occupies the first place on the list, having the highest rate of suicide in Mexico. The rate of suicide in Quintana Roo is:10 cases to every 100,00 people. The national average is 4 to every 100,000.

◦ According to the National Institute of Psychiatry – between 1970 and 2007 – the suicide rate grew at an alarming rate of 275% in Mexico.

◦ Suicide is now considered the third cause of death in people between the age of 15 and 29 in Mexico.

◦ Common suicidal triggers in Mexico are the following: undergoing different types of violence throughout his/her life, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, having depressive pictures or feelings of hopelessness, diagnosed with a terminal disease, a loss of a loved one or following a break up or an accumulation of failures. Any of these issues can contribute to suicidal ideas in individuals. As well, the migration, unemployment, economic crisis, not to mention the unattainable expectations and the deficiency of social networks are factors of why people try to commit suicide.

◦ In 2007 at least six million people thought about committing suicide in Mexico. That same year 3620 suicides occurred in the country

◦ Overdosing on medication is the number one way people choose to go about ending their life – observed in Federal District (71,4%), Yucatan (69,0%), Coahuila (59,0%), Oaxaca (50,0%), and Nuevo Leo’n (42,9%).

◦ In Mexico City the totality of suicidal acts happened in urban areas, since the rural areas have been integrated away from the city.

◦ According to specialists, the months with a higher number of suicides are December and May.

◦ During 2004, 3324 suicides, 3.2% more than in 1995 occurred in Mexico

◦ For each woman who took her life, five men took their lives. In 2004 alone, men represented 82.8% of the total registered suicide cases whereas women represented 17.2%. Of the occupied women who committed suicide: – 34.4% were clerks – 17.2% with commercial activities. The occupied men who committed suicide: 28.0% were farming workers – 22.7% were craftsmen and workers

◦ With respect to age: 63.6% of women between the ages of 15 – 39 years old are more than likely to commit suicide compared to other ages. Similary, 61.1% of men between the age of 15 – 39 years are more likely to engage in the act of suicide.

◦ Studies have been done to compare whether their has been more suicide cases in either single or married males/females – and the results indicated that 39.2% of single women committed suicide compared with that of 46.3% of single men.

◦ Suicide rates have increased so significantly in Mexico that Mexico is now on par of cities with great demographic explosion such as Japan and India, where suicide statistics have double or even tripled.

◦ Researchers who conducted studies in Quintana Roo proposed a Suicide program of prevention with several measures: to increase the psychological attention of the population, to improve the urban conditions of certain zones and to regulate the alcohol sale (86% of the people who committed suicide, killed themselves drunk). *It should be noted that reference to alcohol consumption could be a moot point as we consider Stanton Peele’s reference to environment/social issues as opposed to alcohol addiction precipitating many problems.

People living in the Quintano Roo area including both Mexican and expats are invited to become a part of a group of people who will become involved in the development of Angel Notions Suicide Prevention Program. If you are interested in helping and care about the alarming rate of suicide in Quintano Roo ( the second leading cause of death among young people aged 17 – 24 years old) please contact us via Facebook or email Bob at robertheard@counselingonlinesite.com. We want you to be very involved in making decisions, planning, policy making and funding. We need your help! The qualification you need is to care. Here are the statistics:

DATA ON SUICIDE IN MEXICO(Institute of Psychiatry, Mexico)

◦ In Mexico, as a whole, suicide is especially high in the following regions: Quintana Roo, Tabasco, Yucatan, Logwood, The Low South California – Chihuaha.

◦ Quintana Roo, in accordance with most recent statistics, occupies the first place on the list, having the highest rate of suicide in Mexico. The rate of suicide in Quintana Roo is:10 cases to every 100,00 people. The national average is 4 to every 100,000.

◦ According to the National Institute of Psychiatry – between 1970 and 2007 – the suicide rate grew at an alarming rate of 275% in Mexico.

◦ Suicide is now considered the third cause of death in people between the age of 15 and 29 in Mexico.

◦ Common suicidal triggers in Mexico are the following: undergoing different types of violence throughout his/her life, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, having depressive pictures or feelings of hopelessness, diagnosed with a terminal disease, a loss of a loved one or following a break up or an accumulation of failures. Any of these issues can contribute to suicidal ideas in individuals. As well, the migration, unemployment, economic crisis, not to mention the unattainable expectations and the deficiency of social networks are factors of why people try to commit suicide.

◦ In 2007 at least six million people thought about committing suicide in Mexico. That same year 3620 suicides occurred in the country

◦ Overdosing on medication is the number one way people choose to go about ending their life – observed in Federal District (71,4%), Yucatan (69,0%), Coahuila (59,0%), Oaxaca (50,0%), and Nuevo Leo’n (42,9%).

◦ In Mexico City the totality of suicidal acts happened in urban areas, since the rural areas have been integrated away from the city.

◦ According to specialists, the months with a higher number of suicides are December and May.

◦ During 2004, 3324 suicides, 3.2% more than in 1995 occurred in Mexico

◦ For each woman who took her life, five men took their lives. In 2004 alone, men represented 82.8% of the total registered suicide cases whereas women represented 17.2%. Of the occupied women who committed suicide: – 34.4% were clerks – 17.2% with commercial activities. The occupied men who committed suicide: 28.0% were farming workers – 22.7% were craftsmen and workers

◦ With respect to age: 63.6% of women between the ages of 15 – 39 years old are more than likely to commit suicide compared to other ages. Similary, 61.1% of men between the age of 15 – 39 years are more likely to engage in the act of suicide.

◦ Studies have been done to compare whether their has been more suicide cases in either single or married males/females – and the results indicated that 39.2% of single women committed suicide compared with that of 46.3% of single men.

◦ Suicide rates have increased so significantly in Mexico that Mexico is now on par of cities with great demographic explosion such as Japan and India, where suicide statistics have double or even tripled.

◦ Researchers who conducted studies in Quintana Roo proposed a Suicide program of prevention with several measures: to increase the psychological attention of the population, to improve the urban conditions of certain zones and to regulate the alcohol sale (86% of the people who committed suicide, killed themselves drunk). *It should be noted that reference to alcohol consumption could be a moot point as we consider Stanton Peele’s reference to environment/social issues as opposed to alcohol addiction precipitating many problems.

Stepparenting and Blended Family Advice

BONDING WITH STEPCHILDREN AND DEALING WITH PROBLEMS

What is a Blended Family

In a blended family, or stepfamily, one or both partners have been married before. One or both has lost a spouse through divorce or death, and may have children from the previous marriages. They fall in love and decide to remarry, and in turn, form a new, blended family that includes children from one or both of their first households.

While parents are likely to approach remarriage and a new blended family with great joy and expectation, your kids or your new spouse’s kids may feel left out of your choice and uncertain about the change. What will the new person in their life mean to them? What will their new step-siblings be like? How will their relationship with their biological parents change?

As you get ready to expand your family, a few important things to remember are:

• Be realistic – things won’t be perfect overnight.
• Be patient – good relationships take time and kids need to time to trust and count on you.
• Limit your expectations – know that you will probably give a lot of time, energy, love and affection that will not be returned immediately. Think of it as making small investments that may one day yield a lot of interest, but don’t expect anything in return for now.

Given the right support, kids should gradually adjust to their new family members. It is your job to communicate openly, meet their needs for security and give them plenty of time to make a successful transition.

Getting to know you 101

Although you love your new partner, you may not automatically love his children, and they may not automatically love you. It takes time for people to establish positive, trusting relationships and to develop a family history.

You will increase the chances of creating strong relationships by thinking about what the children need. Age, gender and personality are not irrelevant, but all children have some basic needs and wants that should be met as a precursor to a great relationship.

Children want to feel:

• Safe and secure – Children want to be able to count on their parents. Children of divorce have already felt the upset of having people let them down, and may not be eager to give second chances to their parents or stepparents.
• Loved – Kids like to see and feel your affection, although it should be a gradual process.
• Seen and Valued – Kids often feel unimportant or invisible when it comes to decision making in the new blended family. Recognize their integral role in the family when you are making decisions.
• Heard and emotionally connected to – Kids are eager for real connection and understanding. Creating an honest and open environment free of judgment will help them feel heard. Show them that you can view the situation from their perspective.
• Appreciated and encouraged – Children of all ages respond to praise and encouragement and like to feel appreciated for their contribution.
• Limits and boundaries – Children may not think they need limits, but a lack of boundaries sends a signal that the child is unworthy of the parents’ time, care and attention. As a new stepparent, you shouldn’t step in as the enforcer at first, but work with your spouse to set limits.

  To read on please click here

Anorexia and bulimia are very complicated disorders, and different people can develop eating disorders for different reasons. That is, while many individuals with eating disorders think and act in very similar ways, the reasons they have these thoughts and actions can be quite different.

Although many people view these behaviors as self-destructive acts, most individuals who develop eating disorders do not usually perceive their behaviors as self-harmful. Actually, most patients feel that they began the behaviors to try to fix other problems. The most common reason therapists hear from people about why they began self-starvation, bingeing or purging is that at some point they felt terribly out of control — whether because of something they were feeling inside themselves or something that was happening to them from their outside environment.

Following are some of the most common causes of eating disorders.

Major life transitions. Many patients with eating disorders have difficulty with change. Anorexics, in particular, typically prefer that things are predictable, orderly and familiar. Consequently, transitions such as the onset of puberty, entering high school or college, or major illness or death of someone close to them can overwhelm these individuals and cause them to feel a loss of control.

In many girls with eating disorders, the lowering of body weight and body fat levels from self-starvation can arrest the menstrual cycle and delay other body changes that come with puberty. Girls who lose their period essentially return to a more childlike state, both physically and psychologically. They neither feel nor look like adolescent or young adult women, and, therefore, can postpone making the transition to adolescence or young adulthood.

Family patterns and problems. The National Eating Disorders Association cites troubled family relationships as a possible contributing factor to eating disorders. Some, but not all individuals with eating disorders, come from disordered families where there are poor boundaries between the parents and the child. In addition, many who suffer from eating disorders experience a tremendous fear of losing control or “not being in control.” For a significant number of these individuals, anorexia is a misguided, but understandable, attempt at differentiating themselves from their parents. Put another way, some anorexics feel their control over their eating is the first thing in their lives that they have done that was truly “their own idea.”

Eating patterns and the way food is looked at within the family may also lead to the development of eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia. Children of parents who diet frequently are more likely to worry about their weight, judge their appearance negatively, and begin dieting themselves. Studies show that in adolescents who develop eating disorders, those who were labeled as “severe dieters” had an 18 times greater chance of developing an eating disorder; with moderate dieting, 5 times greater; non-dieters a 1:500 chance of developing an eating disorder.

Social problems. Most people who develop eating disorders report having painfully low self-esteem before the onset of their eating problems. Many patients describe going through a painful experience such as being teased about their appearance, being shunned, or going through a difficult break-up of a romantic relationship. They begin to believe that these things happened because they were fat, and that if they become thin, it would protect them from similar experiences.

Failure at school, work or competitive events. Eating disorder patients can be perfectionists with very high achievement expectations. If their self-esteem is disproportionately tied to success, then any failure can produce devastating feelings of shame, guilt or self-worthlessness. For these individuals, losing weight through self-starvation can be seen as the first step to improving themselves. Alternatively, binge eating and purging can serve the purpose of proving their worthlessness, or it can provide an escape from these feelings.

A traumatic event. Evidence continues to accumulate that between one- third and two-thirds of patients who go to treatment centers for eating disorders have histories of sexual or physical abuse. It appears that the prevalence of sexual abuse in people with eating disorders is actually about the same as that for other psychiatric disorders. There is, however, a subgroup of patients whose eating disordered symptoms are a direct consequence of or an attempt to cope with their sexual or physical abuse. Such individuals may try to consciously or unconsciously avoid further sexual attention by losing enough weight to lose their secondary sexual characteristics (for instance, breasts). Similarly, the consistency or type of some foods can directly trigger flashbacks of abuse, resulting in an individual avoiding certain foods altogether.

Major illness or injury can also result in an individual feeling extremely vulnerable or out of control. Anorexia and bulimia can be attempts to control or distract themselves from such trauma.

To read on please click here

Domestic Violence Personal Stories

My name is Linda and I started having a bad life at 18. I met what I thought was a wonderful man. He was one of my bosses from work. He was so kind to me at fist. We would spend lovely times together just having fun. I seemed important to him; at least I thought I was.

After we were dating for about 2.5 months I found out I was pregnant and I wanted no more children. I already had a son and I was too young for him but another would have been havoc. So I told Joe that I wanted to terminate the pregnancy and that is when it all started.

He kept me home and fired me from my job. For the 1st time he hit me right across the face because I said I was leaving him. He dragged me into the dept. store and said we are going shopping so stop crying like a baby. He acted like it was nothing and I knew it was wrong but I did as I was told. I was 18 and he was 31. I thought an older man would be better for me but I was wrong!

The hitting became beatings almost every day. Even though I was pregnant, he did not care. He said, “If you were a good girl I wouldn’t have to discipline you so much.” I hated hearing that. Be a good girl- that was screwed up ya’ know?

I had my daughter and I thought it would help us but it didn’t. It just meant that I was stuck with him. The black eyes and busted lips and bruised body was all I knew and he was taking my heart too. I was no longer living near my parents and I was forbidden to have friends or should I say a life?

Two years later I became pregnant and I was not at all happy with that. But of course I had to stay pregnant. It cooled him down a little and he always said he was sorry. I hated my life and I wanted it to end but I had children whom I loved and I couldn’t leave them. That is what keeps me alive. I tried to get help from my dad but he said THAT I MADE MY BED NOW – lay in it!! That hurt so much because I thought daddies were there to help when you needed them most.

My father was angry with me because I had children and he said it was my fault I put myself in that type of position. My mom couldn’t even help me she could barely take care of herself. So as my pregnancy progressed he was a little nicer to me- we had twins now. That was the worse news to me. I kept thinking how am I going to leave with 4 kids.

I paid for a tubal ligation so I couldn’t have any more children with him. I started saving a dollar here and a dollar there so I could escape my hell with my children. I remember one day that I told him I hated him with every bone in my body. He hit me so hard I went flying at least 10 feet across the bed and onto the floor. Blood dripping from my mouth, I just smiled and said, “Are you done?” I was so tired of him hitting me and controlling me as a person that I had had enough!

He started hitting me some more and I didn’t back down. He finally walked away. The days went by and I would get hit because I didn’t vacuum first then dust. The house was not clean enough or there was a fork in the sink I would get slapped again. He made excuses to hit me. So I bided my time till I could leave.

A few years later I was going to be gone within a few months then I found out I was pregnant again. I was floored because I paid to be fixed. Well I was that 1% that could get pregnant. So I stayed until my last child was 1 and a 1/2 and I packed my things and left.

I left the children behind because I couldn’t care for 5 children. I took the oldest child with me because he was mine and not his. I became a stripper to care for my son and we did fine and I thought I would finally be free of violence. I loved my new life of no more long sleeved shirts or pants to cover the bruises.

Then I met James and he swore he would never hit me and he didn’t for 1 1/2 years. Then one day I was out riding my bike and I pulled into the front yard and he was yelling and all of a sudden I fell down. He had hit me in the face so hard I had lost my balance. I still do not know why he hit me that day he never told me.

I stayed with him for a few more months hoping it was a mistake and it would never happen again. But I was wrong again. I let him move in with me in hopes of a good relationship. It did not last long.

One night I went out with my friends like I always did on Fridays and when I got home he yelled and screamed at me for being out while he was working. I basically told him he needed to leave because it was not working out then he hit me across the face a couple of times. I got up and ran for the phone to call for help. He pulled it out of the wall. He kept saying why are you making me do this to you? He grabbed my hair and was dragging me into the bedroom and I knew what that meant from experience I began to scream for help.

My son heard me and I hollered to him to get the neighbors and he did. He saved my life. James was arrested and given 1.5 years and no contact. I moved after that. We were over and I was over with men at least I thought I was.

Then one day my friend introduced me to a handsome sweet intelligent man and I fell for him hard. I was tired of being put down and bruised but my girlfriend assured me that he was good. She lied! He was worse than the other two put together. It was pure hell and I didn’t realize what pain really was till I was with Jeff. He hit me every day even if he woke up in a good mood. I hated life and everyone in it. I thought that this is how my life was meant to be so I stayed for 6.5 years till I couldn’t take it no more.

He would call my job all of the time and make me bring home a register receipt to prove what time I left. He held a gun to my head and said, If you want to die, let’s do it.” He would hit me in the face all of the time. Everyone at my job knew he was mean but no one would help me. Finally after he broke my windshield for the 3rd time I left and moved 20 minutes away and transferred to another store. He found me once again.

He called us all hours of the night yelling nasty things to myself and my roommate. He threatened her a lot and finally after 6 months of calls I finally agreed to see him in hopes of it being the last time. I was hoping that he had realized that after 6.5 years of hate he would finally end it and be civil. I wanted him to go on with his life so I could without him. I wanted to stop looking over my shoulder and my dreams would stop keeping me up at night. I wanted sleep again. I wanted to smile again. I wanted to be ME again.

He invited me to his birthday party so I figured I would be safe. I was so tired from working 18 hours straight but I made it to the party and there was other people there so I was ok with it. He was drinking and taking Librium pills the next door neighbor got him. I should have known to leave but I didn’t.

I fell asleep on the couch and I awakened to him standing over me just looking at me in a confused look. I asked him what he was doing and he grabbed my throat and said, “you think you can just walk away from me. No you can’t.” I froze for a moment because I had this strange feeling rush over me and I can’t completely describe it but it was scary. I knew then if I didn’t get away from him I would die! I knew it and I didn’t know how but I was terrified beyond belief. I pushed him off and ran for the door. He got up and chased me and it started a fight because I was determined to win this one. He grabbed my hair and pulled and yanked it hurt so bad that I could barely stand the pain. I wrapped my arms around the railing of the outside steps and held on for life. My arms began to bleed from scraping the wood rail back and forth but I held on.

He finally got me loose and I fell to the top step with my face down hoping to pass out. I knew I had to stay alive and that meant staying awake. He grabbed my head and began pounding it into the top step. It hurt and all I could do was cry and fight back. I saw blood dripping onto the step and I knew I had to be bleeding from my face now. It was a mess all over the steps. He yanked me up and I dropped to the steps again and he kept telling me to get up and get inside and I kept yelling for help. No one listened. He grabbed my hair and dragged me inside and I grabbed the doorway in hopes of tiring him out because I was tired. I dug my nails into the wood frame around the door making my fingers bleed and nails breaking from the pressure I could no longer hold on. I was now inside and he picked me up and threw me up against the wall calmly talking to me saying that we were soul mates and we had to be together. He said that our lives, especially his, was not going to be wasted by me. I owed him and I say I owed him nothing! We fought some more hitting each other profusely not taking a breath. I pushed him away and he fell over the end table he looked up and then unscrewed the table and came at me again and caught me right across the nose. I felt dizzy and out of it.

I remember saying to myself if there is a God, please help me. I will never doubt Your existence again. I never believed in God until that night. Jeff kept hitting me and made me walk the house with him. Finally I had him convinced that we would marry tomorrow. He stopped. He brought me into the kitchen to wipe my face off because he said I was a mess. He told me to go shower and change into some of his pajamas and we would watch our favorite movie. I agreed. I rushed upstairs and got into the shower and cried so hard it hurt. I looked down at the water and it was red all red. That’s all I could see and I cried even more. My face hurt so much that I couldn’t bring myself to look at it. I got out of the shower and dried off quickly and ran down stairs. He laid on the couch babbling about how I made him do that to me. He made me make a promise to be good and to marry him. I was to obey him forever and we would never be apart again.

I waited for him to fall asleep. It was midnight so that meant we had been fighting for 1 hour. I was so tired and dizzy but all I could think of was getting out. I waited for him to snore so I would know he was asleep. I went to the back door and unlocked the first lock 2 more to go. I waited a little while longer and opened another then another then I ran out the door as quickly as I could run. I ran down the steps and didn’t look back. My feet were bleeding from running down the rocky driveway. All I could think was getting help.

I ran across the street to a neighbor’s house it was 3:30 in the morning. I tapped on his window and begged for him to let me in. He opened the door and let me in we called the police and it was now over for me and him. I thank the Davidson county police of Tennessee for all their help. I get to live again. I am now 36 years older and am finally happy. I forgot what it was like to breathe on my own again. I haven’t seen Jeff in 3 years and I keep track of him. He is still in jail and I have found someone who is the best thing in my life besides my children. 3 times is a charm – no the 4th is!!!!

*********************

I’m your basic middle class male who was raised to respect women and never hit them. I consider myself a good provider and who has had some success after my hard work has paid off with my authoring 2 best selling books and having sold a self-started company. I work hard and am a decent man. I am also one of those in total disbelief this would ever happen to me.

I hate the term battered man, I’m a DV survivor. And I can say the system (judicial, police, legal, local and state government agencies) does virtually nothing to help a man survive when they’re on the receiving end of a female sociopath’s attacks. In fact, the system has, in some ways, injured me more than my ex wife ever could.

My wife slapped me hard after I said no to her wanting to get donor sperm in order to get pregnant. Keep in mind her fertility doctor said there were NO physical problems with either of us to prevent her from getting pregnant. Keep in mind we’d only been trying for 4 months, but she felt entitled and was willing to beat anyone down who got in the way.

After I confronted her about her having no right to lay a hand on me and my fear of what she would do to our future children, she replied, “if you’re going to get your tiny feelings in a bunch over a little slap, you need to keep going to therapy TO WORK ON YOUR PROBLEMS.”

I packed and left immediately. Ironically, the day she slapped me for not allowing her to become pregnant using other men’s sperm, was Mother’s Day.

I later intercepted a written letter where my wife agreed with her friend’s idea to “have a child and then dump me”. The letter also detailed how to catch my sperm in a condom for insemination without my knowledge.

When I confronted her with the note, she just shrugged like, “there’s nothing you can do about it, pal.” I keep the letter to remind me why I’m divorcing my wife.

Later, my wife body slammed my 67 year old, 4′11″ mother into a mirrored closet door bruising my mother’s knee. Subsequent x-rays revealed my mom also suffered a nearly fractured finger as my wife ripped my mom’s camera from her hands. We were taking pictures at my house to prevent my wife from destroying more of my personal property. Is this how your mother should be treated by your wife?

As we both left my own house being pushed, shoved, and attacked, my father in law arrived and started to push and goad me into punching him.

We left without touching anyone and called the police when we were safe in my car. The police arrived and did not call an ambulance for my mom, did not recommend any of the numerous government and legal resources available ( i.e. restraining orders, etc) and downgraded the event to a “property dispute.”

Further, the police threatened me by saying, “if you return, sir, we will arrest you for trespassing.” Keep in mind, this is my own house where I’m on the deed. Four counts of assault and battery/DV with pictures, doctor’s reports, and witnesses, but no arrests or convictions.

Do you think there’s a problem with the system if you’re male and subject to domestic violence from your wife?

No? – Imagine if the situation was reversed: the husband slapped his healthy wife for not having a child after 4 months of trying, shrugged off a written letter found by his wife where the husband agreed with his buddy about dumping his wife after tricking her to get pregnant, beat his wife’s mother badly enough to require x-rays, and called his father to assault his young wife on the front lawn for the neighborhood to see.

Do you really believe the police and the courts would have treated that case in the same way?

Not a chance. The husband and his father would be in jail while paying for damages, and the wife and mother would be celebrated as domestic violence survivors on Oprah.

If you’re like me, who’s trying to protect your rights and your family by blood from a crazy wife, and an even crazier system, take heart. You are not alone.

Tell your story, and do what you can to take care of what’s important. Things will change.

P.S. To those that may not believe me, I can understand. You probably haven’t experienced anything like this in your life. I probably wouldn’t have believed it fully until I heard my mother scream in pain from my wife’s attacks, saw the hard evidence of pictures and medical reports, and felt the pain in my gut of doing the right thing by asking the system for help, and having the system turn right around and try to prosecute the innocent victims for crimes they did not commit.

It does happen, and the system does not work.

To read on please click here

Here’s how to resolve the most common relationship problems and get your love life back on track.

It’s the rare couple that doesn’t, sooner or later, run into a few bumps in the road. If you recognize ahead of time what those relationship problems can be, you’ll have a much better chance of weathering the storm, experts say.

Ideally, a couple should discuss certain basic issues — such as money, sex, and kids — before they decide to start their life together. Of course, even when you do discuss these issues beforehand, marriage (or a long-term, live-in relationship) is nothing like you think it’s going to be.

In spite of the fact that every marriage experiences relationship problems, couples who are successful have learned how to manage them and keep their love life going, says marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple, MS, author of The Marriage Turnaround. They gain success in marriage by hanging in there, tackling problems, and learning how to maneuver through the complex issues of everyday married life. Many do this by reading self-help books, attending seminars, browsing articles on the Web, going to counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply by trial and error.

Here are some common issues and ways to resolve them:

Relationship Problem: Communication

All relationship problems stem from poor communication skills, says Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families. “You can’t communicate while you’re checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section,” she says.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Make time … yes, an actual appointment with each other, Shimberg says. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let the answering machine pick up your calls.
• If you can’t “communicate” without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant, where you’d be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
• Set up some rules … like not interrupting until the other is through, banning phrases such as “You always …” or “You never …”

To read on please click here

Symptoms

By Mayo Clinic staff

Depression symptoms include:

• Feelings of sadness or unhappiness
• Irritability or frustration, even over small matters
• Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
• Reduced sex drive
• Insomnia or excessive sleeping
• Changes in appetite — depression often causes decreased appetite and weight loss, but in some people it causes increased cravings for food and weight gain
• Agitation or restlessness — for example, pacing, hand-wringing or an inability to sit still
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
• Indecisiveness, distractibility and decreased concentration
• Fatigue, tiredness and loss of energy — even small tasks may seem to require a lot of effort
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself when things aren’t going right
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
• Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
• Crying spells for no apparent reason
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

For some people, depression symptoms are so severe that it’s obvious something isn’t right. Others people feel generally miserable or unhappy without really knowing why.

Depression affects each person in different ways, so depression symptoms vary from person to person. Inherited traits, age, gender and cultural background all play a role in how depression may affect you.

Depression symptoms in children and teens
Common symptoms of depression can be a little different in children and teens than they are in adults.

• In younger children, symptoms of depression may include sadness, irritability, hopelessness and worry.
• Symptoms in adolescents and teens may include anxiety, anger and avoidance of social interaction.
• Changes in thinking and sleep are common signs of depression in adolescents and adults, but are not as common in younger children.
• In children and teens, depression often occurs along with behavior problems and other mental health conditions, such as anxiety or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Depression symptoms in older adults
Depression is not a normal part of growing older, and most seniors feel satisfied with their lives. However, depression can and does occur in older adults. Unfortunately it often goes undiagnosed and untreated. Many adults with depression feel reluctant to seek help when they’re feeling down.

• In older adults, depression may go undiagnosed because symptoms — for example, fatigue, loss of appetite, sleep problems or loss of interest in sex — may seem to be caused by other illnesses
• Older adults with depression may say they feel dissatisfied with life in general, bored, helpless or worthless. They may always want to stay at home, rather than going out to socialize or doing new things.
• Suicidal thinking or feelings in older adults is a sign of serious depression that should never be taken lightly, especially in men. Of all people with depression, older adult men are at the highest risk of suicide.

When to see a doctor
If you feel depressed, make an appointment to see your doctor as soon as you can. Depression symptoms may not get better on their own — and depression may get worse if it isn’t treated. Untreated depression can lead to other mental and physical health problems or problems in other areas of your life. Feelings of depression can also lead to suicide.

If you’re reluctant to seek treatment, talk to a friend or loved one, a health care professional, a faith leader, or someone else you trust.

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