Studies show that those who score higher on tests measuring self-esteem tend to experience healthier, more successful relationships. Therefore, today’s relationship advice topic is: Do you like yourself?

If you want to have a successful relationship with your partner then you need to have a relationship with yourself first. You need to love yourself before others can love you. You must learn to have a loving relationship with yourself if you want your relations to be successful. Do not grow wait to grow to love someone or wait to be happy in the future when certain goals are met such as getting married, having a baby, or your spouse stops drinking. Thinking certain outcomes will act as a “crazy glue” to “fix” your relationships will ultimately end in disappointmet.

Forget setting conditions, can you find happiness in your current situation? Learn to be proactive in creating your own happiness independent of others; do not wait for things to happen your way. If you are envious of others and think some folks seemingly have it made, you may be surprised to learn how unhappy they are when you scratch the surface. In addition, that person may be just as envious of someone else! Perhaps they are envious of you! As you can see, it’s an ugly cycle?

How Do You Learn To Have a Healthy Relationship With Yourself?

It doesn’t take a relationship advice guru to understand that low self-esteem manifests itself in many negative ways. To illustrate my point, allow me to offer two scenarios and tell me which you prefer. Person number one carries all the grief in the world, thereby emanating negativity from every pore. Naturally, the more negative vibes this person emanates, the more other people distance themselves from them. As person number one experiences more distancing and rejection from others, the more negative they become, resulting in a clear self-fulfilling prophecy.

Scenario number two is the exact opposite, featuring a person who emanates positivity and manages to place even negative events in a rational perspective. This person understands that they will never be rich enough, smart enough, or thin enough to meet arbitrary societal expectations, so they simply get on with living their lives. As a result, they seem (and are) more free than person number one because they do not overly concern themselves with fitting in all the time. Such folks are the definition of dynamic, and they exude an energy that attracts others because people are drawn to their uniqueness and individualism. Again, it’s a self-fullfilling prophecy, but a positive one!

Another way to improve your relationship with yourself is to help others. Learn to be a good listener. Good listeners are, by definition, emotionally available and attentive to the needs of others. If you know how to listen well, you will find people opening up to you and coming to you for support. Over time, you will earn the respect and admiration of others which in turn boosts your sense of self.

Generally speaking, loving and helping others is loving and helping yourself. For example, I feel better about myself when I help others. As a therapist, I find that helping others is its own reward. Remember, the world returns your energy! For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, so if you learn to love yourself, the world will love you back!

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