LOVE – - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST – - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE – - when your belt won’t meet around your waist, and you don’t care.

LOVE – - when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST – - when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE – - when you argue over money.

LOVE – - when you share everything you own.
LUST – - when you think twice about giving your partner half of your sandwich.
MARRIAGE – - when the bank owns everything.

LOVE – - when you phone each other just to say “Hello”.
LUST – - when you phone each other just to arrange sex.
MARRIAGE – - when you phone each other to find out what time your son’s game starts.

LOVE – - when you write poems about the one you love.
LUST – - when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE – - when all you write are checks.

LOVE – - when you show concern for your true love’s feelings.
LUST – - when you don’t give a darn.
MARRIAGE – - when your only concern is what’s next on TV.

LOVE – - when your farewell is “I love you darling …”
LUST – - when your farewell is “So, same time next week?”
MARRIAGE – - when your farewell is silent.

LOVE – - when you are proud to be seen in public with your true love.
LUST – - when you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE – - when you never see each other awake.

LOVE – - when your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST – - when your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE – - when your wallet empties everytime you see them.

LOVE – - when nobody else matters.
LUST – - when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE – - when everybody else matters and you don’t care who knows.

LOVE – - when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST – - when it’s just the same mushy old junk.
MARRIAGE – - when you never listen to music.

LOVE – - when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST – - when staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE – - when just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE – - when you’re interested in everything your partner does.
LUST – - when you’re only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE – - when you’re not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you’re interested in is your golf score.

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By Roxann Mtjoy

In 1997, 15-year-old Tina Anderson became pregnant after being raped repeatedly by an older man she knew from church. Shockingly, when her pastor found out, he forced her to apologize in front of the entire congregation in Concord, New Hampshire, and then promptly helped whisk her away to live in Colorado.

According to Tina, the first time she was raped by Ernest Willis, it was in the backseat of car after he’d given her a driving lesson. She didn’t tell anyone because she was terrified that she’d be blamed. After being raped by Willis again, Tina became pregnant. Willis, ever the vile human-being, offered to drive her out-of-state for an abortion or to punch her in the stomach to cause a miscarriage. It was at this point that Tina confided in her mother, who in turn notified their pastor, Chuck Phelps.

It turns out, she was right was right to fear being blamed. In a disgusting turn of events, Phelps told Tina she would have to go before the entire congregation to apologize for her sins. Excuse me? It seems that Phelps explained to Tina that while Willis “may have been 99 percent responsible,” she need to confess to her “1 percent guilt in the situation.”

After Tina acquiesced in this humiliating act of victim-blaming, the church and her family shipped her off to live in Colorado against her wishes, where she was instructed to give the baby up for adoption. While Phelps did contact the police about Willis — you know, since he was 99% guilty and all — it became nearly impossible for them to do anything about it since Tina was now hidden away in Colorado.

This appalling story is finally seeing the light of day because Tina Anderson decided to come forward this year. Sadly, it wasn’t until this February that Tina truly realized that the assault on her was, in fact, zero percent her responsibility. That’s when she decided it was time to share her experience with others and to seek justice for what had happened to her as a teenager.

You might have noticed that I am using her real name, something highly unusual in rape cases because victims’ names are protected. This is because Tina wanted it this way. She wanted you to know exactly who she is and what was done to her, not only by Ernest Willis, but by those she entrusted to protect her.

Since Tina came forward, Willis has been arrested and released on bail. (In New Hampshire, in cases of sexual assault of a minor, the statute of limitations does not run out until 22 years after the victim turns 18). Just as importantly, police are investigating exactly how much church leaders knew about the rape. Of course, if the adults in Concord — meaning Phelps, Tina’s family, and every church congregant who heard Tina’s “confession” and sat silent — had acted compassionately and responsibly back in 1997, they would have saved Tina over a decade of heartache and their community a lifetime of guilt.

What is it about Humor that can really get things going? Have you ever been in a workplace meeting where everyone is “brainstorming” some new idea? Everything is going stagnant and nothing is getting done. Everyone is inputting his or her ideas but nothing seems to gel. All of a sudden, someone cracks a joke, the tension is gone and the meeting rolls along.

While attending a meeting in a computer manufacturing business, one of the participants looked over at the table and saw these beautiful cookies laid out for everyone. She commented, “Since I’m new, I have to ask, do we have these cookies at every meeting? I’m concerned I’m going to gain weight while working here”. Another participant stated, “Of course and it is a problem because when B started here, he was only 120 pounds”. At this, everyone just roared since B was about 220 pounds.

Humor helps people to relate to each other. As kids, we are always cutting each other down in jest. We can’t be serious all the time because our relationship won’t grow. At a party, who is the star? Isn’t the one that shines the one that is telling stories that are comical or telling jokes? Have you said, “He’s so funny, I love to be around him”. Do you remember a joke that someone said? In a conversation, your memory may all of a sudden stumble across a joke that someone said even years ago. We may be in the middle of a serious conversation and all of a sudden, we remember something funny that someone said. We have to contain ourselves because of the seriousness of the conversation but we just want to bust out laughing. If we do lose control, the other participant of the conversation is having a hard time seeing what you are laughing about due to the seriousness of the conversation. Do you let them in on the joke?

People that are serious all the time can become lethargic and depressed. Have you ever been around someone that just broke up with their boyfriend or girlfriend? They’re down and all you want to do is get them back up. So, you start telling them jokes. You cut them down and tell them here’s my opportunity to kick you while you’re down. You ask them since Susan dumped you can I date her now? You’re willing to say anything to get them back up. (Besides, he knows you didn’t even like Susan!)

Being constantly depressed can change your body’s biochemistry. Often, people that are chronically depressed are treated with pharmaceutical drugs. Many of these individuals may have a family history of depression. Humor can change the person’s biochemistry and if significant enough, could it possibly alter the level of need to be dependent upon pharmaceutical drug?

Although it is not the subject matter of this article, there is a lot of scientific study in this area. People that are suffering from depression do well when their counselors utilize humor as a medium in their relationship. There is a lot of opportunity to benefit from various therapies such as music therapy and art therapy.

People that are humorous are fun to be around. They tend to be very energetic and have a lot of friends. Friendship makes the world go round.

Have you read your joke of the day?

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Long Term Effects of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence has wide ranging and sometimes long-term effects on victims. The effects can be both physical and psychological and can impact the direct victim as well as any children who witness parental violence.

Physical Effects

The physical health effects of domestic violence are varied, but victims are known to suffer physical and mental problems as a result of domestic violence. Battering is the single major cause of injury to women, more significant that auto accidents, rapes, or muggings. (O’Reilly, 1983).

Many of the physical injuries sustained by women seem to cause medical difficulties as women grow older. Arthritis, hypertension and heart disease have been identified by battered women as directly caused by aggravated by domestic violence early in their adult lives. Medical disorders such as diabetes or hypertension may be aggravated in victims of domestic violence because the abuser may not allow them access to medications or adequate medical care. (Perrone, 1992).

Victims may experience physical injury (lacerations, bruises, broken bones, head injuries, internal bleeding), chronic pelvic pain, abdominal and gastrointestinal complaints, frequent vaginal and urinary tract infections, sexually transmitted diseases, and HIV. (Jones & Horan, 1997 and Bohn & Holz, 1996).

Victims may also experience pregnancy-related problems. Women who are battered during pregnancy are at higher risk for poor weight gain, pre-term labor, miscarriage, low infant birth weight, and injury to or death of the fetus.

Psychological Effects

While the primary and immediate focus for many people is the physical injury suffered by victims, the emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by batterers likely has longer term impacts and may be more costly to treat in the short-run than physical injury. (Straus, 1986, 1988, 1990).

Depression remains the foremost response, with 60% of battered women reporting depression (Barnett, 2000).

In addition, battered women are at greater risk for suicide attempts, with 25% of suicide attempts by Caucasian women and 50% of suicide attempts by African American women preceded by abuse (Fischbach & Herbert, 1997).

Along with depression, domestic violence victims may also experience Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which is characterized by symptoms such as flashbacks, intrusive imagery, nightmares, anxiety, emotional numbing, insomnia, hyper-vigilance, and avoidance of traumatic triggers. Several empirical studies have explored the relationship between experiencing domestic violence and developing PTSD. Vitanza, Vogel, and Marshall (1995) interviewed 93 women reporting to be in long-term, stressful relationships. The researchers looked at the relationships among psychological abuse, severity of violence in the relationship, and PTSD. The results of the study showed a significant correlation between domestic violence and PTSD. In each group in the study (psychological abuse only, moderate violence, and severe violence), women scored in the significant range for PTSD. Overall, 55.9% of the sample met diagnostic criteria for PTSD. In further support of the strong relationship between domestic violence and PTSD, Mertin and Mohr (2000), interviewed 100 women in Australian shelters, each of whom had experienced domestic violence. They found that 45 of the 100 women met diagnostic criteria for PTSD.

Children may develop behavioral or emotional difficulties after experiencing physical abuse in the context of domestic violence or after witnessing parental abuse. Responses in children may vary from aggression to withdrawal to somatic complaints. In addition, children may develop symptoms of depression, anxiety, or PTSD (Harway & Hansen, 1994).

Economic Effects

Victims often lose their jobs because of absenteeism due to illness as a result of the violence. Absences occasioned by court appearances can also jeopardize their livelihood. Victims may have to move many times to avoid violence. Moving is costly and can interfere with continuity of employment. Many victims have had to forgo financial security during divorce proceedings to avoid further abuse. As a result they are impoverished as they grow older. (Kurz, 1989).

Victims are not the only ones who pay the price. Women who were victims of intimate partner violence costs health plans approximately 92% more than a random sample of general female enrollees. Findings of significantly higher mental health service use are supported by other studies. (Wisner, 1999).

Impacts on Children

One-third of the children who witness the battering of their mother demonstrate significant behavioral and/or emotional problems, including psychosomatic disorders, stuttering, anxiety and fears, sleep disruption, excessive crying and school problems. (Jaffe et al, 1990; Hilberman & Munson, 1977-78)

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What are the biggest problems you see with the way Medicine is practiced today? Here is my list, I am sure there are more:
posted by Dr. Frank Lipman Jun 5, 2010 5:11 pm

1. Modern Western Medicine is based on a narrow “scientific” model, and arrogantly ignores and rejects therapies and entire medical systems that don’t fit this model.

2. Doctors are trained in hospitals in “crisis care” medicine, not to take care of the “walking wounded,” which is the majority of people. They need to be trained to take of the “walking wounded” as well.

3. Instead of treating the underlying causes or imbalances, Doctors often merely manage symptoms.

4. Symptoms are seen as something to be suppressed rather than a pointer to some underlying imbalance.

5. Doctors see the human body as a machine with separate parts that can be treated independently rather than as an integrated whole. In addition the mind and body are also seen as separate independent entities and emotions are often ignored.

6. Man is not seen as part of nature, and how what happens in nature effects humans.

7. We look for a magic bullet instead of all the possible factors that make up the total load which are causing the underlying imbalance. There is no understanding of the total load.

8. No belief that the body has a self-healing capacity and no ways to boost that capacity.

9. Everyone with the same disease gets treated the same way, patient uniqueness ignored.

10. We treat the disease, not the patient.

11. There is a reliance on numbers and tests rather than how the patient is feeling and what is found on examination.

12. We don’t take into account the importance of diet and lifestyle on health. How could we? We get a total of 6-8 hours of nutrition lectures in medical school.

13. We don’t recognize or understand the correct use of supplements to optimize health.

14. We don’t recognize the importance of toxicity on our bodies nor know how to boost the body’s own detoxification systems.

15. The Doctor patient relationship is not emphasized and the role of the patient as a partner in their own health care not encouraged.

16. The placebo has a negative connotation and ignored. The placebo is really the body healing itself and should be encouraged.

17. The Drug Industry is too enmeshed in the medical system The Pharmaceutical Industry has WAY TOO MUCH power and is “bribing” Doctors to use their drugs and researchers to produce positive results for their drugs.

18. More than 80 percent of all medical treatments used have been untested by rigorous peer reviewed study, yet the Medical establishment insists that alternative health treatments must undergo these before they can be used. The system of evaluation needs to be changed.

Do you have any problems to add? Leave a comment below.

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Playful Communication in Relationships

THE POWER OF LAUGHTER, HUMOR, AND PLAY

Laughter has a powerful effect on your health and well-being. A good laugh relieves tension and stress, elevates mood, enhances creativity and problem-solving ability, and provides a quick energy boost. But even more importantly, laughter brings people together. Mutual laughter and play are an essential component of strong, healthy relationships. By making a conscious effort to incorporate more humor and play into your daily interactions, you can improve the quality of your love relationships—as well as your connections with co-workers, family members, and friends.

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Humor has long been considered one of the most effective tools to judge the quality of any relationship.

If there is laughter present you can assume that the relationship is a healthy one. When the laughter ceases you can be quite certain that the relationship is on the down slide. This laughter barometer can be applied to any relationship at home, at work and at play.

Laughter means that you’re having fun and fun means that things are going well.. Take a look at the relationships around you. Do the couples laugh a lot together? Has the laughter stopped in some of your relationships?

Here are a few ideas you can use to make certain that laughter remains an ever present reality in your relationships thus ensuring their quality and endurance.

Remember introducing humor to previously humorless relationships might take time but the results will be worth the effort. Start slowly by working on your own fun loving, cheery disposition. Laughter and humor are contagious so it won’t be long before others catch the bug.

• Remember that a sense of humor is learned, not inherited.
• Commit to becoming a humor hound. Look for humor everywhere. When something strikes you funny enjoy it. Let the laughter flow. After the funny event has passed recall it and enjoy it and laugh again.
• Begin to cultivate an atmosphere of humor and laughter in your relationships. Try to enjoy and share humor as often as you can.
• If you don ’t laugh as much as you used to and want to correct the situation start associating with humorous, fun loving people and avoid the downers.
• Learn to laugh at yourself. If you don’t, you leave the job to others.
• Look for funny items in your newspaper and cut them out and share them.

  I recall reading the want ads one night and discovered this gem : “The successful applicant should have 203 years experience.” Obviously the writer meant to say 2 or 3 years experience. I immediately cut it out and placed it in my collection for future use.

• Encourage others to share their humor. Listen and appreciate it when they do. When someone sees that you have enjoyed their humorous contribution they will be eager to continue sharing.

  In my full day humor workshops I always ask the participants to break up into groups and begin sharing the funniest thing that has ever happened to them.

  The laughter that this simple activity generates is a joy to behold. Try this will your friends sometime.

• Collect cartoons and jokes and put them on display on the fridge or the bulletin board. Make sure to avoid racist, sexist or filthy humor. The is plenty of good clean humor to go around without resorting to these. Remember that there is a difference between dirty and earthy humor. I personally like earthy humor. I don’t appreciate dirty material.
• Use humor to neutralize conflict in your relationships. When things get tense use self deprecating humor to lighten things up.

  I remember one evening having an argument with my wife, Carol. In the heat of the moment she said something totally out of character. She said something hurtful. In my surprise I looked at her and said, “Carol, when you say things like that, you stoop to my level.” She started to laugh and so did I. It wasn’t long before things were back to normal.

Good luck on your journey to HA HA Land

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Love Help: The Importance of Romance In Relationships

Love is the basis of marriage. Love and relationships are about affection and respect and nurturing and caring and liking your partner, liking and admiring them so much that you want to spend the rest of your life in the same physical and emotional space as them. There are many aspects ofloving but the most important part when it comes to marriage is not to see it as static. Love can fade away to nothing or it can grow stronger with the passing of each year. It is a dynamic energy that must be looked after in order to flourish.
Most married couples love each other and they love marriage: love is what drew them together in the first place and they love being married and would hate to have to get a divorce (how many times have you heard your married friends sigh with relief that they no longer have to face the dating scene?). While love isn’t the only reason that couples stay together, for a healthy and happy union love needs to be nurtured and tended.
How exactly do you do that? How do you get the love help you need? What is love help anyway?
Love help can take many different forms depending on your needs. A helpful and fun way to start may be to take a quiz or a series of love quizzes to work out exactly where the weak spots are in your marriage. Or you could get love advice through couples counseling. Although this may feel too confronting sometimes marriage counseling sessions where you both sit down with an impartial third party in neutral territory, not at home, is exactly the relationship coaching that you need to improve your life together and move forward. Sometimes a chat with a professional counselor maybe all you need. You can get relationship advice and tools through books and courses. A couples retreat maybe the answer where you go away with other couples wanting help with their relationships.
When seeking out love help, whether it be counseling or a marriage retreat or quizzes, the most important thing is to think about the fundamental ingredients for a healthy love relationship.
While sex is important, the most basic essentials are respect and romance.
Respect means to ‘regard, consider, take into account’. Sharing your life with someone means consulting them on the major decisions that affect your life together. There is a time to be selfish in a relationship and there is a time to put your partner and your relationship upfront – it is working out when each is appropriate that is one of the toughest lessons to learn along the marriage journey. Sometimes this happens through trial and error and other times it is through actively learning more about yourself and your partner.
You may think that being romantic is reserved for couples still in the dating phase of their relationship, however, that isn’t the case. It is something which needs to be an ongoing activity for all couples, although perhaps not as intensely as it is for singles entering new relationships.
If you recognise that you need to put some romance back into your relationship, there are many options available to you. There are large gestures like romantic cruises and romantic getaways or simpler things like leaving dedications or a love note with a carefully worded compliment on your partner’s pillow. You could focus on simple ideas like kissing or touching each other more often. Whichever romantic gesture you choose, the important thing is to make sure that it is something you feel comfortable with, so comfortable you’ll be able to repeat it and other gestures over the coming months and years. You see, you need to make loving kindnesses a habit.

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Why Romance is Important in Your Dating Relationship

Romance on the Beach – Romantic Ideas