When you have problems in your relationship, it is easy to start placing blame. However, it is not healthy, especially not if you want the relationship to last very long. It does not matter why you are placing blame, it is not a good idea.

So, next time you find yourself thinking any of the following, stop yourself and follow the steps for how to stop placing blame:

I did so much to try and make her/him happy, but she/he refuses to acknowledge that.
I have sacrificed so much for them and they do not even notice.
If they would not be stubborn our relationship would be ideal.

If, if, if, they, they, they.The game of blame.

Blame kills beautiful relationships, and creates hatred between lovers. So, if you find that you start going from “our” to “me and you” you can know you are falling into the balme game, so try to following to put a stop to it:

1. Stop and reflect. You need to say to yourself that you are in a rut, you are placing blame when you should be moving on, so it is time to ask yourself if the relationship has gone beyond repair. Is the relationship giving more pain than pleasure? If so, it would be wise to see help, such as a therapist or counselor, or separate.
2. Recognize your reasons. Why do we blame somebody else for problems in OUR relationship? It does not matter if it their kids, your mother, a friend, or the other person in the relationship, blame is unhealthy. Blaming others is an easy way out. Occasionally another person is responsible for what might have gone wrong, but how we react to it and handle it is our own responsibility, and placing blame does not help anything.
3. Change your ways. If you want a healthy relationship, whether new or previously established you need to realize that even if one partner has blundered, the other should support him/her. Rather than taking the accusing tone, it will be a tone of understanding and being together to work through a problem. If you become accusatory you need to change how you are acting. Ask yourself if the same blame would have been put in the beginning of the relationship.

If you want to stop placing blame in your relationship you need to recognize what makes a relationship healthy so you can avoid behaviors that are unhealthy. In relationships, you are not supposed to punish the other person in any way for whatever fault, you are supposed to help them be better, love them despite their faults. Then, if you partner keeps making the same mistake, or keeps repeating destructive behavior, you have the freedom to leave. Blame and tearing someone down is abuse. It should not be done. So, either move away or come together again and leave the blame behind, it is up to you.

Blaming someone is an indication of deeper relationship problems, so to stop the blame, fix the relationship. Regain your love, respect, and desire to uplift, not drag down, the person you are with.

If both of you are placing blame on external things, such as “Our second marriage would work if neither one of us had kids coming in.” Then it is time to put a stop to it, own up to your responsibility and stop placing blame, instead fix the issues, or move on. If you never learn to stop placing blame, you will never have a successful and fulfilling relationship because instead of fixing issues, you will ignore them and blame someone else.

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Tags: blame, marriage, relationships

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 19th, 2010 at 10:16 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.