When it comes to marriage, there’s no question about it, sex is a tie that binds. However, for millions of couples, there is trouble behind closed doors. It is estimated that one out of every three couples has a sexual desire gap. Simply put, in these marriages, one spouse wants sex much more often than the other. And that spells trouble. In fact, sex therapists report that a sexual desire gap is the number one sexual problem brought to their offices.

If you are in a sex-starved marriage, you will probably want to read this post and the one that will follow because you will find them quite helpful. Whether you are the spouse who has higher desire or the one whose interest in sex has flat-lined, you both need to be proactive if you want things to improve in your relationship. This post offers 11 tips for the spouse whose desire for sex has seemingly vanished. The next post will offer tips for the spouse yearning for more physical closeness. Remember, it helps to approach this sexual divide as a team.

1. Make having a satisfying sexual relationship a bigger priority in your life

There are at least two very important reasons that you should take your sex life off the back burner and pay attention to it. The first is your relationship with your spouse. Your marriage depends on it. Your spouse’s feelings about himself/herself depend on it. Your future together depends on it. You have to stop thinking you can have a great relationship without satisfying sex unless your partner wholeheartedly agrees. Don’t resign yourself to passionless lovemaking or a relationship void of true intimacy. Even elderly and chronically ill people can enjoy a robust sex life.

The second reason is that unless you are truly enjoying your intimate relationship, you are really cheating yourself! If you aren’t all that interested in sex at the moment, you are probably thinking, “I don’t feel cheated at all,” but I’d like for you to take a moment and think back to a time when sex was more fulfilling. Really think about it. Wasn’t it wonderful? Didn’t it feel great? Recall what it felt like to be a more passionate, sensual person. Didn’t you feel better about yourself? Wasn’t it more fun?

When you think back to times when things were better between you sexually, you may ask yourself what happened to your passion and what caused this to change in you. You may also wonder if you will ever feel the same way about being sexual as you once did. Perhaps it’s the seesaw phenomenon at work; the more one person does of something, the less the other person does. Well, this holds true for sexual issues as well. Since your spouse has been the one to focus on sex in your marriage and you have felt pressured about it, you have backed away. In fact, it’s entirely possible that the cat and mouse dynamic in your relationship has dampened your desire, even fooled you into thinking you don’t like sex anymore. But this isn’t necessarily so. Your negative feelings or apathy may have more to do with the chase than sex itself.

In order to change this, one of two things must happen. Your spouse can stop chasing (and you better believe that this will be one of my suggestions), or you can become more proactive for making things better between you. Since you are the one reading this, I am going to strongly suggest that it is you who has to take charge of changing things. You need to start to figure out the steps you ought to take to feel more passion and desire. Make feeling sexier your pet project. If you don’t, you are missing out on one of life’s greatest joys, feeling truly intimate with the person you love. Don’t shortchange yourself. Forget about doing this strictly for your partner or the marriage, do it for you!

How? Start by telling your spouse that you understand why s/he has been unhappy with your love life and that you are going to do something about it. If s/he replies, “I’ve heard this before,” don’t take it personally. This sort of response is based on hurt. Just reassure your spouse that this time things are going to be different and say nothing more.

2. Get a medical checkup

To eliminate physiological causes for your lack of desire, a trip to your family physician or gynecologist may be in order. Ask if hormone replacement therapy such as testosterone would be appropriate. Evaluate whether side effects from medications or medical conditions are a factor in your situation. Discuss whether herbal remedies or dietary changes may be helpful.

3. Schedule an appointment for you and your partner with a therapist who is trained and experienced in the area of sexuality

If you are a man whose sexual desire has plummeted due to your having sexual problems such as impotence or performance anxiety, a certified sex therapist can teach you many different techniques to overcome these difficulties. You might also consider taking a drug such as Viagra, which will help you have and maintain an erection.

I know it is really difficult for a man to admit he is worried about low sexual desire and even more difficult to ask for help in this area. But I urge you to do precisely that. You need to put your pride aside and get your sex life/marriage back on track. Your wife may be understanding at the moment, but if you put things off much longer, she might not be around.
4. Care about your spouse’s feelings

Although you have had very valid reasons for not being in the mood, I hope it’s clear by now that your spouse has probably felt hurt and rejected because of it. I know this has not been your intention. Far from it. But part of the healing that must take place between the two of you involves your active participation in things that will help your partner feel better. Here are a couple of suggestions that might help boost your spouse’s morale.

Flirt – If you think back to earlier times in your relationship, I bet the two of you were more flirtatious. I bet there were pats on the butt, a wink of your eye, a kiss blown across a crowded room, lightly touching each other in passing, a suggestive smile, a well-timed compliment about your spouse’s appearance, and so on. This kind of playfulness is an important part of keeping passion alive. Put more energy into letting your spouse know that s/he is attractive by flirting.

Don’t just say “no” – If you aren’t in the mood, and sometimes you won’t be, it’s okay to say “no.” You shouldn’t feel bad about it. However, if you do say, “no,” it’s important that you make an alternative suggestion. Perhaps later in the day might be better for you. Or, just because you aren’t in the mood yourself doesn’t mean you can’t do something to pleasure your spouse. Although your spouse might initially insist that the only way s/he is interested in being sexual is if your heart is totally into it, convince him/her otherwise. Since your sexual desire might always be lower than your spouse’s, there is nothing wrong and everything right with the idea of your pleasing your spouse from time to time when s/he is in the mood. It does not have to be reciprocal. Convince your spouse that you really feel good about giving to him/her in this way.

5. Look for the small flutters

Dr. Pat Love, coauthor of Hot Monogamy, suggests that it is frequently the case that people with low sexual desire never experience earth-shattering sexual urges as do their more sexually-oriented partners. For them, it’s more like barely noticeable, mild tremors. Rather than assume that the Tidal Wave will be the cue that it’s “sex time,” look for more subtle signs.

For example, have you ever had even a fleeting thought that your partner looks good tonight that you like his/her cologne/perfume, or that you find yourself attracted to someone on television and it puts you in a slightly sexy mood? If so, great. This is a wonderful starting point. Take an action. “When you feel even the slightest pulse of desire, follow through with it,” say Dr. Love.

6. Put on your running shoes

Joggers always say that the hardest part about running is putting on your running shoes. So too with sex. I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a person say, “I really wasn’t in the mood at all at first, but once we got into it, I enjoyed myself.” When people nudge themselves, even halfheartedly, to “get their feet moving,” their pleasurable physical sensations often override any reason to resist.

To read on please click here

Marriage After Infidelity – How my Marriage Surived & Thrived

November 27th, 2009 — marriage after infidelity

How to Make Your Marriage Better After Infidelity

April 15th, 2010 — Rebuild Marriage, marriage after infidelity

No Comments

Marriage & Infidelity – Overcome It With These Tips

April 11th, 2010 — Forgiving Infidelity, marriage after infidelity

Infidelity in Marriage – What Really Causes Affairs?

April 7th, 2010 — marriage after infidelity

Can a Marriage Survive Infidelity? What Are The Chances?

April 3rd, 2010 — Save Marriage, marriage after infidelity

Can a marriage survive infidelity? You might be wondering as you sit there thinking about your future, the future of your marriage and the meaning of love and commitment. The easy answer is to say YES a marriage CAN survive infidelity … however this does not mean all marriage can do this or should do this even.

I of course encourage everyone living in a marriage after infidelity to try to make things work but I do understand that everyone’s situation is different. Some marriage perhaps should not be saved for the betterment of both partners and some infidelities are so far beyond the pale that the pain may be too great. However, I believe these are the minority of cases and not the overwhelming majority as most people seem to think.

Really what determines the success of a marriage after an affair is the ability to understand not only your partner’s actions but also your own emotions, actions and your marriage up until this point. The affair never exists in a vacuum and while this does not mean you have any fault in it knowing the reasons behind it really makes the difference when deciding whether to take on this challenge and fix your marriage, or to call it quits.

I would say that the chances of overcoming infidelity I a marriage if you can understand everything surrounding it and you still want to find a way to make it work and heal the hurt and anger is quite high. Certainly if you do the right things and learn to handle your emotions and get a deeper understanding the success rate becomes higher and higher. If this desire to make your marriage endure is also driven by a love that exists despite the betrayal then the chances rise even further.

What makes these attempts fail is lack of understanding, lack of control and lack of direction and purpose. I had all of these things when I first tried to patch things up with my wife after her affair but managed to pull back from the brink despite my many mistakes.

So if you are encourages and think that your marriage is still worth saving then I applaud you because love CAN overcome and marriage CAN survive infidelity. For more help on how to get through this touch period though I do recommend hearing from an expert in the field. Dr Frank Gunzburg is one such man … his guide will not guarantee you will save your marriage but it will help you increase your chances at lasting happiness by a huge amount.

To read on please click here

Healing a Marriage After an Affair

By Diana Holbourn

Skip past the following quotes if you’d like to get straight down to reading the self-help article.

Things People Have Said About Affairs, hurting Others and Keeping Marriages Healthy

An affair can also have destructive effects on your family. Children, in-laws, friends, may all find themselves caught up in events, and perhaps having to take sides. Permanent barriers can be created. Even so, an affair does not always mean the end of your relationship. With hard work, commitment and patience, it may be possible to come through this crisis changed, but also stronger.
–From a Relate Factsheet

People do not marry people, not real ones anyway; they marry what they think the person is; they marry illusions and images. The exciting adventure of marriage is finding out who the partner really is.
–James L. Framo, (Explorations in Marital & Family Therapy)

Affairs are just as disillusioning as marriage, and much less restful.
–Mignon McLaughlin, (The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966)

There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
–Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything: routine.
–Honore de Balzac

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married.
–Kin Hubbard

Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.
–Barbara De Angelis

The Main Contents

• Introduction – please look over it

• The Strong Feelings of Hurt That Affairs Can Cause
• What the Betrayed Partner Can Do to Help Their Marriage Heal After the Affair
• Asking Questions About a Marriage Partner’s Affair
• Healing Times
• Starting to Make Improvements in the Marriage

• Breaking Off Contact With the Person You Had the Affair With
• Planning to Talk About Changes in the Marriage
• Showing Remorse for the Affair
• Promising to be Faithful in the Future
• Proving You’re Trustworthy Now

• How to Go About Asking for Changes
• Saying How you Feel Without Blaming or Accusing

• Keeping improvements in a marriage going

• Becoming More Attractive to the Partner Having the Affair to Entice them Back
• How to React if the Unfaithful Partner Regains Interest in the Marriage
• Giving the Unfaithful Partner a Last Chance

To read on please click here

What to do When Your Spouse Doesn’t Want Change — Frustration With Broken Promises

Does your spouse complain about not feeling well but won’t see a doctor?
Does your spouse make plans for a romantic evening or getaway with you
and then ruin it by being too tired or not feeling well?

Does your spouse talk about spending less money, or eating more healthy foods, or spending more time with the family, or getting more exercise, and then not follow through with those plans?

Does your spouse make promises that aren’t kept? Does your spouse acknowledge that there are problems in your relationship but refuses to change behaviors or see a marriage counselor with you?
Growing Frustration
The frustration of your spouse’s lack of follow through on good intentions, or saying one thing and then doing another, or breaking promises can slowly erode both the emotional and physical intimacy in your marriage.

This frustration can be heightened if your spouse refuses to seek marriage counseling with you.

What can you do when faced with a spouse who has a serious behavior (gambles, drinks, spends too much money, has a very negative attitude, can’t keep a job, is emotionally or physically abusive, doesn’t make time for the children or spouse, is unfaithful, etc.) that could potentially destroy your marriage and your spouse won’t change, isn’t willing to work on improving your marriage, or won’t seek marriage counseling? Although it isn’t easy to cope with this type of situation in a marriage, here’s help on how you can deal with a difficult marriage when only one of you wants change.
No Easy Answers
There are no easy answers when your spouse can see no reason for change or doesn’t want your marriage to change. Some situations can be dealt with and other situations are deal breakers.

Only you know what you can tolerate and still be emotionally healthy yourself.

Note: Do not endanger yourself or your children by remaining in an abusive situation.
You Can’t Change Your Spouse

* Accept that you can’t change your spouse. You can only change yourself and your own reactions. Changing your own behavior may trigger your spouse to want to make changes.

* Respond differently to difficult situations. If you’ve had the same argument over and over, state that you will not rehash the issue and leave the room. If you’ve not expressed your feelings previously, share how you feel with your spouse.

Know Yourself

* Get to know yourself and look at your own attitudes, behaviors, expectations, hopes, dreams, memories, concerns, behavior triggers, fears, etc. Ask yourself how long you think you can stay in your marriage if things don’t improve. Consider individual counseling to prevent feeling depressed or helpless, to understand your role in the conflict in your marriage, and to clarify your plans for your future.

* Decide which of your spouse’s negative behaviors you can live with and which ones are deal breakers. Decide if you are able to adjust to the irritating and hurtful situations in your marriage or not.

Face The Issues

* Realize that your spouse may not be as frustrated and unhappy as you are.

* While sharing your love for your spouse, express your concerns and fears about the future of your marriage. If you are having doubts about your love, make a list of what you love about your partner.

* Don’t postpone having a conversation with your spouse to identify the behaviors and face the issues that are creating problems in your marriage.

Strategies for Difficult Conversations

# Pick a location for the conversation that is free of distractions.
# Choose a time when neither of you are tired.
# Be warm and not confrontational.
# Don’t lecture.
# Stay on topic.
# Identify the problem.
# Clarify how the problem is impacting your marriage.
# Talk about what you want in your relationship, not about what you don’t want. Discuss what makes you both happy and fulfilled.
# Brainstorm and discuss solutions to the problem. Bring up the possibility of marriage counseling.
# Agree to set a time frame to re-evaluate how things are going.

Re-Evaluate

* If things are not going well when the two of you are ready to re-evaluate your marriage issues, think about these questions:

* Is this a temporary crisis or the end of your marriage?
* What is the best thing that could happen if you stay together?
* What is the best thing that could happen if you divorce?
* What is the worst thing that could happen if you stay together?
* What is the worst thing that could happen if you divorce?

* Even if you believe your marriage is over, try one more time. Don’t leave without telling your spouse you don’t think the two of you can save your marriage without professional help.

* Try saying: “We disagree; and we disagree a lot. That’s why I would like for us to go to marital therapy.” or “I love you, I care about us and I need some help in learning how to communicate to you better. I would like to try counseling.”

To read on please click here

An Introduction to Ritalin Side Effects

• Nervousness
• Insomnia
• Loss of appetite
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• Headache
• Drowsiness
• Abdominal pain (stomach pain)
• Weight loss (see Ritalin and Weight Loss).
• Loss of self-esteem
• Heart Failure
• Death
• Addiction
• Suicide
  

Drug of Choice by Psychiatrists Everywhere for an Invented Disorder

Unless we live under giant boulders, most of us have heard about Tom Cruise’s recent appearance on the Today Show with host Matt Lauer. In response to direct questioning, Cruise boldly expressed his views on psychiatry,

declaring it a pseudoscience and denouncing the use of Ritalin.

His communication lacked the slick social veneer that would have made it more palatable to the masses, and thankfully so–by ruffling some feathers he started a much-needed media firestorm on the subject of psychiatry.

As a result, issues that much of society has conveniently put in an old box marked “someone else’s responsibility” and placed in the back of the cultural closet are finally being brought to light.

Not the least of which is this country’s obsession with Ritalin, the drug of choice for psychiatrists everywhere.

So in the interest of shedding light on shadowy subjects, let’s follow in Mr. Cruise’s footsteps and keep that important conversation going.

Let’s talk Ritalin, shall we?

ADHD: The Disorder That Can’t be Found

Ritalin is actually the medical name given to the chemical methylphenidate, prescribed for the so-called mental disorder known as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD.

According to the Healthyminds.org website from the American Psychiatric Association, “…ADHD afflicts between 3% and 5% of school-age children in any six-month period…Key features of the disorder include hyperactivity, impulsiveness and the inability to focus.”

But according to Chris Garrison, the Massachusetts Director for Citizens Commission on Human Rights (CCHR), an international psychiatric watchdog group, “This ‘mental disorder’ has never been found in the body of anyone,” he said, “despite three decades of research trying to find a physical marker for it.”

Prominent psychiatrist Dr. Peter Breggin, practicing since 1968, supports this idea on his website at www.breggin.com: “Advocates of ADHD and stimulant drugs have claimed that ADHD is associated with changes in the brain,” he writes. “In fact, both the NIH Consensus Development Conference (1998) and the American Academy of Pediatrics (2000) report on ADHD have confirmed that there is no known biological basis for ADHD.”

In other words, there are no known physical causes of ADHD, and thus, no physical tests a doctor can perform to determine whether or not a child has it, like they would to diagnose cancer, diabetes, and any number of physical ailments. So without a biological basis for ADHD, its diagnosis depends entirely on observation and opinion.

Furthermore, the existence of ADHD was created by a show of hands.

According to Kevin Hall, New England Director of CCHR since 1987, “ADHD, like other so-called psychiatric ‘diseases,’ was voted into existence by the American Psychiatric Association,” he said. “There are no medical studies that have ever proven this to be a real disease and no medical tests can be given to determine if a person has ADHD. It’s diagnosed by opinion, which isn’t real medicine.”

Safe and Sound? Not only is ADHD a physically treated “disorder” without a physical origin that was literally voted into existence, but its “treatment” is at best, physically damaging, and at worst, lethal.

The American Psychiatric Association would have us believe that Ritalin is little more than a super-potent vitamin, a healthy boost for the growing child. According to Healthyminds.org, “The safety and effectiveness of medication such as methylphenidate (Ritalin) is well documented, and typically, it is well tolerated by children. It has minimal side effects and is not addictive when taken according to a physician’s instructions.”

But the truth is that the DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration) considers Ritalin a Schedule II Drug and a controlled substance. Other drugs in this category include methadone, methamphetamine and, yes, cocaine.

According to Dr. Breggin at www.breggin.com, “Schedule II includes only those drugs with the very highest potential for addiction and abuse.”

According to Dr. Breggin at www.breggin.com, “Schedule II includes only those drugs with the very highest potential for addiction and abuse.”

Furthermore, Kevin Hall says, “Per the Journal of the American Medical Association, Ritalin acts like cocaine, only it’s a little stronger. Per street snorters of the drug, its withdrawal effects, or speed-crash, is harsher.”

So Ritalin is in the same class of drug as cocaine, stronger in terms of its effect on the body, and prescribed for children as young as two and three years old. I’m sorry, what did you say? Yes, you’re right. Someone should really do something about that.

Back to the facts, despite the APA’s claim that Ritalin has “minimal” side effects, all signs point to the fact that it has gruesome effects on the body, especially the body of a growing child.

Garrison cited a laundry list of these effects. “Common side effects are headaches, stomach discomfort, changes in pulse rate and blood pressure, insomnia, loss of appetite and weight loss,” he said. “One of the most common side effects is suppressed growth of the overall body.”

This stunted growth was documented in a 2003 Yale University School of Medicine study, titled “Daily Methylphenidate Use Slows the Growth of Children: A Community Based Study.” The study showed that after three years of being on Ritalin, 76% of boys and 90% of girls were falling behind in their growth.

An Australian study conducted at two Australian hospitals, also published in 2003, came to similar conclusions.

Dr. Breggin supports these conclusions at www.breggin.com: “All stimulants impair growth not only by suppressing appetite but also by disrupting growth hormone production,” he wrote. “This poses a threat to every organ of the body, including the brain, during the child’s growth. These drugs also endanger the cardiovascular system and commonly produce many adverse mental effects, including depression.”

Specifically, the effects on a child’s brain are rather frightening. According to Hall, “Ritalin and the other psychostimulants prescribed to children reduce blood flow, and therefore oxygen and other vital nutrients to the brain.”

“In studies of children labeled ADHD who take these drugs,” he said, “there is a 5% shrinkage of the brain size and the furrows between the gray matter of the brain start to deteriorate. It’s permanent brain damage. These drugs also can cause major depression, suicide, hallucinations, heart problems and permanent body tics.”

What’s more, www.ritalindeath.com documents the death of a fourteen year old boy whose Certificate of Death reads “Death caused from Long Term Use of Methylphenidate (Ritalin).”

Frightening Dosages As if small amounts of Ritalin didn’t already create sufficient damage to the body, the outrageous dosages administered to children are literally enough to cause heart palpitations.

According to Hall, “Ritalin and other psychiatric stimulants calm children down – or tranquilize them — because they are prescribed in very heavy dosages,” he said. “Little children are usually started at about 20 mg. of the drug while adult-sized Ritalin snorters usually begin at 5mg. – 10mg. to get high all night.”

In other words, children are prescribed two to four times the dosage of a Schedule II drug that an adult would take to get high, but are less than half the adult’s size. Which means that kids are actually ingesting roughly four to eight times the amount of Ritalin that the average snorter on the street would take to get an excellent buzz going.

An Alarming Trend

Fact: according to www.breggin.com, The United States uses approximately 90% of the world’s Ritalin.

Fact: From the www.preventioncolorado.com website: “Prescription of Ritalin to ADD patients has increased 600% over the past five years according to the DEA. The DEA reports show the United States uses 5 times more Ritalin than the rest of the world combined.

Fact: according to www.breggin.com there has been a three-fold increase in the prescription of stimulants to 2-4 year old toddlers based on a recent report in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

I would add something to that, but I think the facts speak for themselves.

Ritalin: The New Party Drug

Even with the skyrocketing amount of Ritalin being prescribed to kids across the country, young children aren’t the only ones using. Teenagers and adults also take Ritalin; however, when they use it without a prescription it’s called “abusing a drug,” not “taking their medicine,” and the effect produced is called “getting high,” not “getting treatment.”

According to Garrison, “Kids have been selling and crushing and snorting Ritalin from elementary schools to colleges for years. They often take it to get high or help them stay up all night to study.”

“In recent years it has become a large problem on college campuses,” he said, “mainly because of the easy access to drugs from the campus medical facilities.”

As dangerous as Ritalin is for the typical party animal, clearly a prescription for Ritalin doesn’t make it less dangerous for a child. Since it’s ingested into a body with no detectable physical problem, it’s not like administering insulin to a diabetic, which provides the body with something it’s missing, or corrects an existing imbalance. It’s just, well, a child taking a drug, even when it’s called a medicine.

And as Hall says, “Ritalin is probably more dangerous when prescribed because children have to take it every day and they are prescribed in very high dosages.”

Parents Under Pressure

Clearly the situation is dire, with the invention of a disorder that doesn’t have a traceable physical cause, a so-called treatment that involves stuffing young children with massive amounts of Schedule II drugs, and ever-increasing amounts of said drug being prescribed each year.

But now, parents are being pressured to put their kids on Ritalin and other stimulants to reign in their supposedly ADHD-afflicted children.

As Dr. Breggin writes, “Parents throughout the country are being pressured and coerced by schools to give psychiatric drugs to their children. Teachers, school psychologists, and administrators commonly make dire threats about their inability to teach children without medicating them.”

He says that sometimes schools will even resort to scare tactics to force parents to drug their children.

“They sometimes suggest that only medication can stave off a bleak future of delinquency and occupational failure,” he wrote. “They even call child protective services to investigate parents for child neglect and they sometimes testify against parents in court.”

But even amidst all the smoke and mirrors, Dr. Breggin says psychiatry’s underlying purpose is clear: “Once again, the diagnosis itself, formulated over several decades, leaves no question concerning its purpose: to redefine disruptive classroom behavior into a disease,” he wrote. “The ultimate aim is to justify the use of medication to suppress or control the behaviors.”

The Alternative: Implementing Real Solutions

So what’s the alternative to Ritalin and other stimulant drugs prescribed for so-called ADHD? Do we just wring our hands while little Johnny jumps up and down on his desk? Or could we actually try to get to the root of the problem?

Hall strongly urges us to choose the latter option. “ADHD is just a list of symptoms,” he said. “Psychiatrists must stop drugging the symptoms and start acting as real medical professionals by doing the medical tests to find the many sources of such symptoms.”

According to Hall, what’s commonly diagnosed as ADHD could actually be the manifestation of a child’s inability to understand what they’re reading.

“Children could be called ADHD because they don’t understand how to read properly,” he said. “When children aren’t taught phonics, grammar or the use of dictionaries to gain an understanding of unknown words on the written page, they cannot pay attention, then start acting up and these behaviors become falsely labeled as mental disorders.”

He also says the source of these behaviors could be real physical problems. “Children also could have underlying medical problems such as with the heart, lungs, hyperglycemia, lead poisoning, thyroid conditions and many more,” he said. “Children with the symptoms labeled as ADHD could also have allergy problems or nutritional deficiencies.”

Garrison also thinks that there are better ways to handle the manifestations labeled as ADHD besides pumping stimulants into the bloodstream.

He says environment plays a huge role in the overall attitude of a child. “Of course, a sane household is helpful,” he said. “It won’t help a student’s grades if his parents are going through a bitter divorce and yelling at each other in front of him every night.”

And he points back to effective teaching strategies that keep kids engaged in the material; with seven years of experience working at a private school, he has first-hand knowledge on the subject.

“All students should be well-taught how to read,” he said. “Their reading ability affects their ability to study all of their other subjects. As they get older all students should be taught how to use a dictionary and expected to be using one that is appropriate for their grade level.”

He says current teaching strategies may only be exacerbating the behaviors classified as ADHD. “Currently kids are taught to guess the meanings of words from the context they are used in,” he said. “This is woefully inadequate and even counterproductive as it will make kids want to abandon the materials they are supposed to study.”

Finally, Hall says labeling these behaviors with untreated causes as a mental disorder is not only highly irresponsible, but a breach of medical ethics.

“When a psychiatrist or doctor drugs for ADHD symptoms, it’s malpractice,” he said. “It’s like giving an aspirin for a headache when the real source of the problem is an undiagnosed brain tumor. The child ends up being stigmatized as mentally ill, harmed by the drug and the real source of the problem usually worsens when undetected and untreated.”

Dr. Breggin’s advice to the public on the matter is rather explicit. “It is time to reclaim our children from this false and suppressive medical approach,” he wrote.

Looking the Other Way, Or Not So what do we do about this problem, if we even believe it is a problem at all? Do we continue to let young children be drugged in the name of a disorder that no medical test can detect? And while we’re at it, why are we stopping at Ritalin? I mean, if we’re going to drug our children, why not go all out?

Aren’t there other disorders we can dream up? There’s already Mathematics Disorder, why not create one for Geography too?

And why aren’t we doing more with heroin? Would it really be that hard to medically manufacture a chemical that closely resembles the popular narcotic, then give it an important-sounding name like Zeterna, if that name’s not already taken?

I mean, are we really doing all we can to make sure our children get the “treatment” they need for their “disorders”?

Wake up, America. It’s been a nice stay in la-la land, but now it’s time to leave.

I know how nice all of those psychiatric credentials might look, how wonderfully the language may be couched, and how happy everyone seems in all those TV commercials.

But the truth is that we, as a society, have been sitting idly by while so-called doctors make up so-called physical disorders that have no physically traceable origin, then prescribe gargantuan dosages of powerful drugs to “correct” them.

The truth is that a cold hard look at the facts, unpalatable as they may be, is long overdue.

Because it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that when all is said and done, right is right, and drugging kids with powerful stimulants for a disorder no medical test can find is just wrong.

To read on please click here

In our work with adults, we assist individuals and/or couples to become aware of past losses, incompletions and repetitive destructive patterns in their lives. We then provide opportunities to integrate and heal these roadblocks to growth and happiness.

The lessons we learn about ourselves and others from our caregivers and early life experiences becomes the template by which we measure our self-worth and our capacity to be empathic, caring, and genuine. As children, our parents are the “all powerful” center of our universe. If they think badly of us, then it must be true. A child has no perspective from which to cast doubt on this assessment. We then “internalize” their negative opinion and incorporate it into our view of ourselves. If we were regularly criticized or demeaned we can easily develop a damaged sense of self-worth.

Harmful childhood experiences (even those not remembered consciously) can force us to close our hearts in an attempt at self-protection from further pain. There is no such thing as perfect parents. We all have “baggage” from our pasts and we construct walls of emotional scar tissue to close over our unhealed wounds. This protective barrier locks us in and others out and can inhibit our ability to develop close connections with others. The degree of this self-protection is equal to the severity of our perceived wounds.

This therapy is not a “cookie cutter” approach. Although there are many similarities in the human experience, we all have unique qualities and problems. You are an important part of the treatment team. We develop a tailor-made program to meet the individual’s needs through an on-going blend of assessments and interventions.

The primary goal of treatment is positive change – new choices, perspectives, options, behaviors, coping strategies, and relationships. We explore areas such as anger management, conflict resolution, communication skills, and improved self-image.
Attachment Styles and Relationships

The attachment styles that develop in childhood stay with us for a lifetime. They influence our feelings of security, the personal meaning given to our experiences, and the ability to develop and maintain closeness with others. We all have perceptions and behaviors across the continuum of attachment styles; however, we tend to adopt one primary style.

Secure/Autonomous Adults

Adults are secure when they make sense of their attachment experiences in an honest and realistic way, understand the connection between the past and the present, and deeply value attachment. They have a “coherent” state of mind and most likely have securely attached children. Their emotional baggage does not get in the way of being a sensitive and responsive parent. They are proactive rather than reactive.

Attachment injuries can occur when needs for comfort, closeness and security are not adequately met. The following attachment styles are influenced by varying degrees of attachment traumas.

Dismissing Adults

Adults who are dismissive are unable or unwilling to deal with their prior attachment experiences in a clear and coherent way (“incoherent” state of mind). They dismiss and devalue the importance of attachment, avoid their own feelings, and reject their children. They typically have children with avoidant attachment patterns.

Preoccupied Adults

Adults are referred to as preoccupied when they are confused about and over-focused on early family problems. They are still emotionally entangled with past unresolved issues. They commonly have children with ambivalent attachments because their own issues cause them to be inconsistent and unpredictable.

Unresolved Adults

Unresolved adults had painful losses and serious traumas as children, including severe abuse and neglect, and have not resolved these early emotional wounds. They threaten, abandon, and frighten their own children, who often develop the most insecure and dysfunctional attachment pattern called disorganized-disoriented attachment.

To read on please click here

ADHD is a disease supported by the medical community and “Big Pharma”. There is no research done on this
so-called condition to ensure any degree of validity. ADHD is a “LIE”. Educators know it, doctors know it and “big pharma” knows it. How is it that we buy into believing such crap, such blatant mistruths? We become concerned for our children when their teachers express concern over their inability to sit still and listen and they suggest that the presence of ADHD is a real possibility. We get worried from hearing this from a person not qualified to tell you. Please make no mistake that teachers are not educated in such matters and should never even suggest this to a parent. When a parent hears this, they take their child to the doctor because the teacher encourages them to do so, and now your child is on a potentially life threatening drug called”ritalin”. Instead of your child acting his/her age in school, they are now very drugged and “stoned”. We need never do what is suggested but instead always check the information and research. Doctors know no better, teachers know no better as both are ignorant. “Big Pharma” is a continuation of misinformation. Are we really going to put our childs health into the hands of these people? I hope not! I have written this so parents can make educated decisions on ADHD and their child’s health. In our world, money talks. Children don’t, so we all need to protect our greatest natural resource. ADHD does not exist, so don’t make the mistake of believing a bunch of liars when it comes to your childs health. Don’t kill the innocence and beauty of the children.- Robert Heard

Could your child’s birthday be to blame for his ADHD diagnosis? Maybe, especially if he’s one of the youngest students in the class.

In soon-to-be published research in the Journal of Health Economics, health economist Todd Elder, PhD, of Michigan State University, East Lansing, says as many as 1 million children in the U.
S. may have been misdiagnosed with ADHD, simply because of their age and maturity level.

That ought to be terrifying news, when you consider that the “cure” for ADHD is one of the most
commonly overprescribed drug in America — Methylphenidate, the generic name for a group of drugs that includes Ritalin, Concerta, Metadate CD and others. About 29 million prescriptions were written last year in the United States for Ritalin and similar drugs to treat attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity, 23 million of them for children.

While kids around the country are popping them like candy, few parents know the very real risks associated with these psychotropic medications such as:

* A 2005 study showed that Ritalin and other stimulant drugs given to children might increase their risk of cancer later in life.
* In a 70-week study, preschoolers on Ritalin, grew about half an inch less and gained about 2 pounds less than expected.
* A University of Buffalo study proved that Ritalin has the potential for causing long-lasting changes in brain cell structure and function.
* Hostility, aggression, anxiety, depression, and paranoia and suicide are potential side effects of Ritalin.

Matthew Smith’s parents wish they had known more about Ritalin before agreeing to give it to their son. Fourteen year old Matthew suddenly died on March 21, 2000. The cause of death was determined to be from the long-term (age 7-14) use of Ritalin. According to the Chief Pathologist of Oakland County, Michigan, upon autopsy, Matthew’s heart showed clear signs of small vessel damage caused from the use of Methylphenidate (Ritalin). In fact, according to his father, the certificate of death reads: “Death caused from Long Term Use of Methylphenidate, Ritalin.”

And the reason Matthew was originally placed on Ritalin? In first grade, Matthew was an active child who wasn’t as mature as some of his peers. That immaturity cost him his life.

Elder’s study found that the youngest children in kindergarten were 60% more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than their oldest classmates and were more likely to be on ADHD medications than the older kids. In gambling circles, those would be known as bankable odds. One in 100 preschoolers is already on Ritalin. That works out to 70,000+ children between the ages of 3 and 4 on a daily dose of psychotropic drugs. I’ll leave it to science fiction writers to imagine what the long term consequences might be.

What are we doing to our children?

We punish our kids for being active, playful, and sociable — all of the things we should want our kids to be. Maybe the problem isn’t our kids. Maybe the problem is that too many schools are demanding that we drug our kids into uniform, passive submission.

All I can say is, “Thank goodness Ritalin wasn’t in use during the 30’s, or we’d never have the Little Rascals to enjoy today. Every single one of them would have been considered ADHD and drugged into boring conformity.”

Technorati Tags: Social, ADHD, Children, Lies, ritalin