Sometimes people think that divorce is caused by major sources of conflict. In reality, it is usually smaller sources of conflict that are left unresolved and eventually they become big sources of conflict. Division of labor is one of those issues that can lead to big conflicts. Division of labor includes the day to day [...]
By Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin MS, LCPC While you may expect this question to be reserved for newlyweds, unfortunately, there are couples who are grandparents still asking this question. I find this question to be one of the most destructive questions you could ask about your marriage. Living with an unhappy marriage can be one of [...]
Sometimes people claim, “I’ve tried everything to make my marriage work.” However, it’s unlikely they’ve tried everything. In fact, most people try one approach. And then they keep trying that same approach over and over. When it doesn’t seem to be working, they just keep doing more of the same until they exhaust themselves. If [...]
Is Anxiety Ruining Your Marriage?
Marriage is a very sacred covenant between a man and a woman and their God. It is an institution built in love; however, such contract is not as delightful as you may have dreamed of. Before you have taken your marriage vows, you may have told yourself that “other couples may come to blows, but not us. We love each other so much. Our love will last forever.” As beautiful and as confident as these words are, sooner or later, reality will crush such notion. You will then realize that marriage is not always as blissful as you have hoped for. Though love may make the world go round, married life is full of challenges, difficulties and anxieties.
Toothpaste on the sink, hairs on the drain, and socks scattered on the floor will be some of the problems you will be facing in your day to day life. Differences in personalities and habits will overwhelm both of you. Bills unpaid and basic needs unmet will fuel anxiety, making you angry, self-centered or solitary, at times. These problems will build up and may compromise not only your health but also your marriage.
If you wish not to let these hurts and fears come between you and your spouse, consider the following tips that will help save your sanity and your marriage.
1. Talk openly to your spouse.
One way to relieve some of the pressure you are facing is to keep an open line of communication. Effective communication is attributed to healthy and successful marriages. Though you may not be an exceptional communicator, try your best to open up and let out all that you think and feel. Talk to your spouse about your fears and anxieties. Explain to your partner why you have been acting so mad, annoyed, irritated, sad, or depressed to make the other understand your situation better.
You have to remember always that this is your spouse you are talking to. The man or woman you married. So, make an effort to communicate so that things will be better. Never sleep at night with a conflict unresolved. This will just magnify your anxieties.
2. Do not take you frustrations and anger to your spouse.
It is normal for you to get carried away by your emotions and explode in anger; human as you are. One little mistake can ignite you into fits and hysterics. But if you do not want to break your marriage, you have to learn to curb your anger, hold your tongue; and calm your nerves. Avoid lashing out offensive and insulting remarks to your spouse. This will not help solve any problems. This will just create conflicts. Just calmly express your emotions so that you will not hurt anyone, physically or verbally.
3. Do not entertain negative thoughts.
Sometimes, it only takes one negative thought to call for anxiety. For instance, a spouse’s inability to come home in time for a family dinner causes you to think that he/she is cheating on you. When in reality, he/she is late because of the heavy traffic in the city. This delay causes you to nag and rant all night and creating another conflict.
To avoid these negative thoughts from ruling over you and your mood, try to be more positive about things. Think in the lines of “he/she is late because there is just too much work to be done in the office and he/she might be having difficulties.” By being more mindful of your thoughts, you suppress the chance of being overruled by negativity which can lead to anxiety.
4. Say you are sorry.
When you are anxious, mad or angry, there are times when you say and do things you do not mean. You curse. You yell. You hit. Nevertheless, these words and actions can hurt the feelings of your spouse. To correct the mistake, do not forget to say you are sorry. Admit that what you said or did was wrong and that your anxiety is not an excuse for hurting your partner. Sincerely ask for forgiveness and promise you will never do anything to hurt him/her again.
5. Practice forgiveness.
No matter what the anxiety cause is, it can create conflicts in relationships. It has a way of making things seem more complicated. Sometimes, your partners do not understand what you are going through. You can be annoying and cause some frustration in those you love. But instead of taking ill-will from this, practice forgiveness. Understand that they do not understand you. Harboring grudges will only exacerbate your anxieties.
Despite the fact that marriage is not always bliss and paradise, it does not mean that love is not there. It is there. Couples just need to rekindle it. Even if the anxiety cause can turn things a bit more complicated, it is just a wave passing through. It will pass and love will prevail.
Ryan Rivera is married and has two kids. His anxiety never got in the way of his relationships. You’ll find many ways on how to strengthen relationships even with anxiety at his website, www.calmclinic.com.
Television, movies, and books often portray these wonderful relationships that show a damsel in distress saved by a knight in shining armor only to live happily ever after. How much of that could possibly be reality? Ever watch much reality television? Unfortunately, for some couples, that is reality. Hopefully, for most people, the truth lies [...]
Are you guilty of bringing up the past during a heated debate? Do you remind your spouse of a mistake he/she made a decade ago? If so, it is unlikely to be helpful. If you continue to be angry about something that happened years ago, the middle of an argument about a completely unrelated subject [...]
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It is healthy to have a certain level of autonomy in every relationship. However, sometimes when a marriage is not going well, people decide to increase their independence. At times, this increased independence can be confused with disconnecting from the marriage. Independence in a relationship means you have taken personal responsibility for your own happiness. [...]
Respect in Marriage |
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There’s respect for one’s parents, for society’s traditions, for your neighbor, for other races. And then there’s respect at the workplace, respect for the opinions of your co-workers and respect for a particular culture’s system of values, no matter how these values seem so alien from our own. The frequency with which we talk and analyze respect shows that while it may be an old-fashioned virtue, it still lies at the core of our ability to achieve success and happiness. Not to mention our acceptance, social or otherwise, by others. |
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Respect can sometimes be an old-fashioned word, at times it can be downright annoying because it seems to be the one ingredient that’s been minced, sliced, grated and chopped many times over, especially in relationship and marriage manuals and how-to books.
