Keys to a Successful Marriage – Building Intimacy and Trust

By Brian Leiphart

A successful marriage these days may seem elusive when reading the statistics on marriages. Even the statistics are listed in the negative. We speak of divorce rates not success rates in our media. Two keys to successful marriage lie in building trust and intimacy in the marriage.

A successful marriage requires both intimacy and trust but will never be found in that order. Early romantic and wildly passionate relationships should not be misconstrued as intimate. Real intimacy is the reward of the process of building trust and understanding in a relationship.

Trust is the foundation of an intimate relationship, not the other way around. Trust can be inherent from the beginning of a relationship but unfortunately that isn’t always the case. Individuals come from different backgrounds with previous relationships with previous partners and also family members and friends. There may be obstacles from the past that need to be overcome before the relationship will move to true intimacy.

Building that level of trust may take a short time or it may take years. Any breach of trust along the way will greatly prolong the process. During the process there must be a shared sense of purpose moving forward. Working through past hurts, insecurities or fears. There must be transparency and openness between the partners. To allow for transparency and openness each partner must feel safe doing so. They can not feel they will be judged or ostracized for their past.

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How to Restore Intimacy in Marriage

Any couple who has been through a difficult time knows that intimacy in marriage can often be the first thing to exit a relationship.  Spouses who find themselves constantly at odds are unlikely to show physical affection.  The mere thought of physical intimacy can be a turn-off when you feel undervalued and unloved.  However, a sexless marriage is an unhappy one.  To save your marriage, it is essential that you make resolving your intimacy issues a priority.

What Causes Intimacy Issues…

Before you can restore intimacy in marriage, you have to understand what created the distance in the first place.  The three main causes for a sexless marriage are listed below.

Get Help Here To Restore Intimacy in Your Marriage

1-Emotional Distance: This tends to be the main reason why women stop responding to their husband’s advances.  A wife who feels unappreciated by her husband often does not feel inclined to open herself to sexual intimacy.  Many women equate a helpful husband with a loving husband.  It is no wonder that a recent study discovered that men who share household chores are more likely to have frequent sex with their wives.

2-Physical Appearance: Yes, it seems as though appearance should not matter to committed spouses, but the fact is that we are visual creatures.  While it is commonly the husband who loses desire when his spouse gains a substantial amount of weight or practices poor hygiene, women too can be turned-off by an unkempt spouse.  If you suffer from a sexless marriage and give little thought to your appearance, extra attention to hygiene and health habits might make all the difference.

3-Poor Self-Esteem: Intimacy in marriage can be hampered by a spouse’s fear of rejection and failure.  Low self-esteem can be paralyzing.  Sexuality involves opening oneself up completely emotionally and physically.  The very vulnerability that makes sex a sacred part of a marriage relationship can also make the thought of intercourse unbearable to some.  If you or your spouse suffers from debilitating self-esteem issues, you will need to work patiently together to overcome these fears.  In addition, many couples find that a professional marriage therapist can help cultivate needed trust.

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Intimacy Is Not The Same As Sex

Intimacy is probably one of the most misunderstood concepts in relationships. Somewhere down the line intimacy and sex became interchangeable words, many people believing they are one and the same. And while intimacy may include sex, it involves much more. Intimacy encompasses an entire way of being, acting, and thinking. It is a place of commitment, vulnerability, and trust. Intimacy is when both spouses understand each other while simultaneously feeling understood. People can be married for years and never truly be intimate with each other. You can find help right now for your marriage by contacting a professional marriage counselor on our site. Theravive is pro-marriage, and we believe that your relationship is worth saving.

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Marriage and Trust: 4 Building Blocks of Trust and Intimacy

Few delights can equal the mere presence of one whom we trust utterly. ~George MacDonald

Trust is the foundation of a healthy, fulfilling marriage/relationship.

Why is trust (and learning how to build trust) so important?

Relationship Trust allows you to:

~Open your heart to your spouse/partner;
~Share the deepest parts of yourself;
~Give and receive love;
~Rely on your partner in times of need;
~Find your emotional center;
~Feel safe and secure in your relationship.

Oftentimes, problems with intimacy are the result of underlying trust issues that may not be readily apparent. Trust and intimacy go hand-in-hand.

As you can see, trust is an essential ingredient of emotional intimacy, physical intimacy and love. But how did you grow to trust your spouse/partner? Are you still building trust for one another? And do you fully trust him/her?

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5 Levels of Communication

Written by Serena Wang

Misunderstanding leads to breakups

About one in two marriages ends in a divorce these days. We are all too familiar with the various problems that can lead to a breakup. Arguments can begin at sunrise and not stop until after sunset. This kind of fragile relationship is like a time bomb ready to explode at any time. Some couples may keep it all inside to avoid the confrontation, but that doesn’t make the relationship any healthier. Either way, it is a no-win situation. The romance and dreams these couples once built together vanish into obscurity.

Arguments are part of every marriage

Couples often fail to compromise simply due to selfishness. Each side asks the other to change. Differences in opinion frequently lead to quarrels. These “minor issues” are just part of your marriage. More serious problems arise from heated discussions that turned into intense arguments. The fact is that no two people are alike. You may have different backgrounds, perspectives, personalities, and professions.

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Communication is the mortar that holds a relationship together – if it breaks down, the relationship will crumble. When spouses no longer communicate, a marriage nurtures no one. It is no longer a marriage.

True communication involves respect for the other person as well as active energy on your part. These two skills are essential ingredients to making a relationship work.

Respect Your Partner

We often immediately reject another’s perceptions, especially when our views differ. This rejection may even be unconscious. We find ourselves ready to dispute the things our spouse has to say, to challenge them, or to hear them as threats. Obviously, such an attitude interferes with two-way communication. The first step to improved dialogues is to respect your partner.

Respect allows you to accept another person’s point of view whole-heartedly. Consider and value your spouse’s perspectives or suggestions. Let your partner know that your respect and value for him or her supersedes the specific issue you are discussing.

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How to Be Happy and Married: 24 Tips from a 24-Year-Old Marriage

My husband and I celebrated our 24th anniversary last week. Here are a few things I’ve learned about having a happy, long-lasting marriage.

1. Talk. Take time to talk everyday, just for fun, and set aside time to discuss and reach agreement on serious matters.

2. Don’t expect your spouse to be a mind reader, even if he (or she) really should know what you want.

3. Forget the type of compromise that means thinking of yourself in favor of finding solutions that work for you as a couple. This processmay requirea complete reversal in your thinking and not justmaking a few concessions.

4. Let her have her way (or his way) sometimes, even without fully understanding the rationale for a request or decision. (Some needs can bedifficult to articulate.)

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By blessedmommy

KEEP YOUR LOVE ALIVE BY PRACTICING DEMONSTRATIONS OF LOVE EVERYDAY! CHOOSE AT LEAST ONE TIP EVERYDAY. (THE MORE THE BETTER)!

You knew that she was special the moment you first laid eyes on her. It was a dream come true the day she said, “Yes!” Now that she belongs to you, it’s easy to let your love life play second fiddle to your responsibilities. Not that you want it that way, it’s just that life is so demanding. There is great news. By just taking a few moments of each day to fulfil the needs of your marriage, you and your wife can feel like newlyweds for life!

1. LEAVE CANDY FOR HER TO FIND And I’m not talking about a 3 Musketeers bar. (Unless that’s what she likes). Buy a pretty box of chocolates. Leave them in her car or some other place that she’s sure to find them. Tuck a little “I love you” note inside to increase the effect.
2. DON’T TEASE HER FOR PRIMPING She wants to look nice for you! If you constantly go on about how much time she spends on her hair or manicures, she may take it that you don’t appreciate her femininity or her effort to look pretty. Let her know she’s beautiful when she fixes herself up.

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