How can I help my abused husband?
Thursday, December 30th, 2010
How can I help my abused husband?
| Question: | |
| My husband was sexually abused by his grandfather throughout most of his childhood and early adolescence. He never told anyone because as the eldest son, he wanted to keep the peace in his house and keep his family together. By sacrificing himself, he felt that he could spare his younger siblings from his grandfather (which he did). He is a remarkable man by any score, but especially so considering what he’s gone through. He is amazingly open and loving and nurturing and wonderful. I wish everyone could have the kind of relationship we do. Six years into our marriage and we are still each other’s best friends and have a wonderful sex life. I tell you all this not to brag, but because I want you to know that for the most part, he’s doing really well. He’s brilliant, has a great and healthy marriage, and has a lot of wonderful friends. But he’s also got a core of self-hatred that rises up at unpredictable moments and can sabotage him. So far it has only affected his work, and only intermittently – he’s smart and charming enough to repair whatever damage he does – but I worry that it might spread to other areas of his life. | |
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