Romantic Ideas : How to Have a Romantic Dinner at Home

Ten Ways to Add Romance to Your Marriage

© Nancy Wasson, Author

Every marriage needs a healthy dose of on-going romance to add spice, delight, and fun to the relationship. It’s not enough to just start out with a sizzling romance. You have to find a way to keep the romance alive as the months and years accumulate.

One of the marital challenges many couples face is how to live together without losing that special romantic spark. It’s all-too-easy to lose the role of lover along the way. When this happens, spouses often start relating to each other as they would to a friend or a sibling. Parents can begin to feel they are only “business partners” joined together to raise their children and keep the household running.

How can you keep romance alive when your daily work schedule is grueling, you’re always short on time and energy, and you’re not sure what to do? Here are ten tips to help you sprinkle romance into your marriage:

1. Pay attention when your spouse mentions things he or she likes or expresses interest in something that could make a good gift, such as a new CD, a book, or theater/concert/sports tickets. Be on the lookout for ideas for birthday, holiday, and anniversary gifts, plus “no reason” surprise gifts. It’s very flattering to know that someone really tried to find a gift that was just what you wanted.

2. Frequently offer foot massages, shoulder massages, and full-body massages to your spouse. You’ll get plenty of romantic brownie points in your “relationship bank account” if you keep some great-smelling lotion handy and take ten minutes to massage your spouse’s tired feet at the end of a long work day. Note: If you expect to be rewarded for your efforts by sex, you won’t accumulate any points for being romantic. Your spouse will just think you have an ulterior motive when you offer a massage in the future.

3. Giving sweet cards and letters to your spouse can be romantic, as can emails and phone messages that share your feelings and passion. Handwritten letters sent through the mail are becoming more and more of a rarity. That’s good for you because that means your spouse will think you’re really romantic for taking the time to write a love letter by hand and mail it. That will make more of an impact than just sending an email if you want to get extra brownie points.

4. Another way to be romantic is to look for opportunities to pamper and spoil your spouse. That might be letting a spouse sleep in late while you watch the kids, or it could be telling your partner to sit down and relax while you clean up after dinner. The key is in the delivery of the offer. You might say, “Nothing’s too good for my sweetheart” or “You’re such a love. It’s fun to pamper you.” You can accompany your words with a hug or kiss

5. Talking in front of your spouse to someone else about your partner’s good points is romantic. Take full advantage of opportunities to say, �I’m so lucky to have such a supportive wife (or husband)�she’s such a treasure. I’m a lucky man.” You can also do this when you’re talking on the phone and know that your spouse is within listening range. If you’re not sure your partner heard you, when you get off the phone ask, “Did you hear me telling my sister what a great husband you are? I was really bragging on you!”

6. In the romance department, flowers, plants, candy, or a special home-cooked meal never go out of favor. Many females love to receive beautiful fresh flowers or a box of delicious chocolate candy. Both husbands and wives can appreciate the efforts of a partner to put together an intimate, special home-cooked meal by candlelight with music playing and flowers on the table.

7. Surprise your spouse with a framed picture of the two of you in a setting that will bring back pleasant memories. Another option is to frame a picture of your spouse that shows him or her in a flattering way and let your partner know how much you love the photo. Keep it on your nightstand, computer, dresser, or desk and let your spouse see you looking at it admiringly.

8. Take the initiative to plan a surprise weekend outing. Call and make all the arrangements ahead of time. The outing doesn’t have to be expensive or complex. It might be as simple as planning a picnic at a nearby scenic spot. You might prepare the surprise picnic lunch when your spouse is in the shower. Or you might make arrangements for a restaurant to pack a gourmet lunch for the two of you that you could pick up on your way out of town.

9. Music that you and your spouse both like can set a romantic tone. If you see a movie that you both enjoyed a lot, you might consider buying the sound track as a surprise gift the following week. You could also select a song that you both like and decide to make it “your song.” Or you could pick a song and tell your spouse that it reminds you of him or her for some positive reason.

10. Celebrate every occasion you can think of�the anniversary of the day you met, when you became engaged, your marriage anniversary, your birthdays, seeing the full moon, and anything else you can come up with. You can toast with champagne (or non-alcoholic champagne) and perhaps have a celebration meal. But it can be just as fun to make a big deal out of going out for an ice cream cone to celebrate.

To read on please click here

Whether it be married couples, or those in a long-term relationship with a significant other, it should be understood that happy and healthy relationships take a lot of work. The effort involved with deepening the connection between the couple can be enjoyed by both husband and wife (or significant other), thus developing a close intimate bond unlike any other kind of relationship. (Photo by Sean McGrath)

Based on the reaction of visitors and readers of this blog, married couples are looking for ways to improve their marriage and spice things up in the romance department at home. I’ve heard from a number of people that have read and enjoyed my article, Keeping the Fire Alive in Your Marriage, and are asking for more tips on adding spark and romance to their marital relationship.

If you are truly committed to making your marriage strong and healthy, with a bit of creativity and effort on the part of both husband and wife, romance can become second nature to you. Begin each day with the question, “What can I do today to show my husband/wife how much I love him/her?”

Grooming
It seems rather silly to me to have to point out what should be very obvious, but you would be surprised how many people have mentioned basic grooming habits being a problem in their relationship. Brush or comb your hair, brush your teeth, take a bath or shower every day, put on some makeup, get rid of those old nasty sweats and put on an outfit that shows that you care about your appearance. You know that old, worn out “favorite” shirt you’ve been hanging onto for years? Get rid of it! There isn’t much that can diminish the romantic feelings between husband and wife than to see your spouse looking frumpy and disheveled.

Ladies, put your hair up in a nice clip instead of a “scrunchy”, or take the time to curl your hair and make yourself look nice for your husband. Get rid of the granny panties and wear some underwear that is attractive and sexy for your man. Men, your wife is not likely to find you very appealing in those old, tattered sweats that you claim are so “comfortable”. Taking care of yourself and your body, losing those extra twenty pounds (or more) around your mid-section, will not only improve your health but will also increase your energy and sexual appeal.

Physical Touch
Begin each day by physically touching your spouse with hugs and kisses. Hold hands while sharing a cup of coffee or tea together; place your hand on your spouse’ leg while sitting together watching the morning news; gently caress your spouse’ face and say “You’re so beautiful, I love you”. Physical touch is very important in creating romantic atmosphere in the home, so when you arrive home from work be sure to hug and kiss your spouse, and continue physically touching each other throughout the evening.

A common problem in many marriages is where there is virtually no physical touch throughout the day and evening, but as soon as the kids are put to bed and the couple retires to the bedroom, there is an expectation that hot, sizzling sex is going to miraculously heat up the bedroom. Not! See: How to Please a Woman in Bed, Pleasure and Satisfy Her Completely for sex tips.

Frequently offer foot massages, shoulder massages and full-body massages to your spouse. Purchase scented oils or lotions to make the massages not only soothing and relaxing, but to also turn up the sexual heat in the bedroom. Throw out the flannel gowns and wear a sexy, silky negligee that will make your husband want to touch you. Guys, those old boxers with the little holes in the seat aren’t working, so trade them in for something a bit more sexy for your wife to want to touch you. (Photo by zaphodsotherhead)

Listen
Pay close attention to subtle hints and comments about something your husband or wife wants to buy for themselves, and purchase it for them as a surprise. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive, but if your wife sees a purse she likes or a set of earrings she wants, make note of it and stop by the store and pick it up for her. If your husband mentions wanting a new tool for his toolbox, or mentions wanting a new gadget of some kind, take the time to go buy it for him as a “just because” gift. Pay close attention to clues for birthday, holiday or anniversary gift ideas, making a point to write them down so you won’t forget and end up struggling to find a gift your spouse really wants.

Has your partner mentioned a concert or sporting event they have interest in attending? Buy some tickets and go as a couple. Does your spouse enjoy craft shows, museums, art festivals or amusement parks? What are you waiting for?, buy some tickets and go! Do you often hear your partner singing or whistling a tune on the radio that they like? Find out who the artist is and buy the CD that includes the song.

Communication
Make time during the day to call or text message your husband or wife to let them know you are thinking about them. Don’t use that time to complain about the kids, or the in-laws, or bills piling up. Text message your husband or wife with a little naughty message in the middle of the day, with a teaser of what you have planned for the two of you once the kids are asleep in bed. Brag to your friends, family and co-workers about how lucky you are to have found such a wonderful, loving and supportive husband or wife. Talking in front of your spouse about your partner’s good qualities is romantic; notice the way your partner’s face lights up when you speak well of them to others.

Couples often complain that they don’t have much time to really communicate with each other, not with taking care of the kids, holding down one or more jobs, doing household chores and paying bills. If your children don’t have a normal bedtime routine, make one. Putting the kids to bed at a reasonable hour gives parents time to unwind from their day at work or other family responsibilities, allowing couples the needed time to focus attention on each other and the marriage.

Romantic Atmosphere
Make the home atmosphere as peaceful and romantic as possible. Turn off the TV. Make the dinnertime meal with the family a peaceful and calm one, rather than using that time to complain and gripe about how the kids upset you, or how the “honey-do list” is still untouched. Keep a ready supply of scented candles to make the home smell nice, turn on some soft romantic music and dim the lights.

Keep the home clean, toys picked up and put away, so your husband/wife doesn’t come home and wonder what you’ve been doing all day. You may have spent the entire day scrubbing floors and toilets, but none of that is likely to be noticed if your spouse is tripping over a trail of toys the moment he/she walks in the door.

Sex, Sex, Sex Baby!

Make sex and romance fun in your marriage. Buy some naughty adult sex games to play when the kids are asleep. There are many intimate games for couples available to spice up your sex life, regardless of whether you are married or not. Christian couples want and need sex in their marriage too, and by the way…, Adam and Eve had SEX, and SEX for married couples is talked about in the Bible too!

Create your own private collection of sex toys and change up the routine of when or where you have sex, because your sexual health and wellness depends on finding creative ways to spice up your marriage and your sex life! Have a playful pillow fight, chase each other around the bedroom (if there’s enough room), turn the game of Scrabble into a striptease game. Take a romantic bubble bath together, with wine and chocolate-covered strawberries, and feed them to each other seductively. (Photo by is.summer.breeze)

What are some fun and romantic ideas that you and your significant other have enjoyed in your relationship or marriage? What are some things you feel you need improvement on in regards to spicing up your marriage? Share your stories or tips by leaving a comment below.

To read on please click here

• 
• Parenting is a journey, along both bumpy roads and well-paved highways. Each journey takes its own twists and turns. Obviously, there are infinite roadblocks and U-turns – too many to mention in one article – but this guide page will address five common parenting issues and offer tips on besting them. Continue reading for more information on how to avoid common parenting mistakes in maintaining consistency, accentuating the positive, respecting youth, handling fairness, and trusting yourself.We might be reluctant to think of parenting as a job; for many, that “j” word conveys drudgery, boredom, aggravation, void of fun. But every now and then it might behoove us to consider this. Lists, calendars, BlackBerrys®, and iPods all come in quite handy for reminding ourselves about essential work tasks that need to be completed. All too often, however, we need to remind ourselves about essential parenting tasks that are just as, if not even more, important.
• In parenting, as in life, practice makes perfect. Good behavior is not innate; it must be taught and practiced. Children do not want to be disobedient, but if their unacceptable behavior is not addressed and corrected, they have no way of knowing that it’s wrong or how to change it. Similarly, it takes lots of practice to parent. Parents learn by doing – learn what motivates their children, learn what makes their children happy, and learn what strategies help them maintain a sense of sanity and order in an otherwise messy situation.
• Consistency is the Key

• Jim Burns, President of HomeWord, says it all begins with the parents. Many problems with discipline are actually caused by the parents’ inconsistencies in applying discipline, rather than by the children’s lack of attention. This inconsistency results in confusion for children, often leading to even more or repeated misbehavior. Burns encourages parents to consider their own parenting styles and “train” themselves into improved consistency.

  Comments (0)

  

  Write a comment…

• Step 1: Maintain Consistency

  Children thrive off of routine and predictability. This is evident in the child who eagerly requests the same book over and over, or sleeps well once a good bedtime regimen is established, or happily follows directions when he knows to expect.
  “Few things can harm your children more than an inconsistent parenting style,” maintains Vincent Lannelli, MD, board certified pediatrician and Fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. “If you are sometimes very strict, but give in other times or simply don’t seem to care what your kids are doing, they will have a very hard time knowing what is expected of them and how to act.” http://pediatrics.about.com/od/parentingadvice/a/04_ptg_mistakes.htm¹
  Setting and upholding rules are critical. Parents must demonstrate, through repeated action, that rules are not arbitrary. The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages parents to make sure rules stay the same from one day to the next: “Children find frequent changes confusing and may push the limits just to find out what the limits are.” http://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/pages/Disciplining-Your-Child.
  A major element of consistency in parenting is displaying a united front. Both parents need to follow the same discipline strategies for equal offenses. Otherwise the child is easily confused when one parent allows certain activities, while the other does not. Whether both parents always agree or not, it is critical for the child to see that the parents are a team that works together toward the same goal. Families with divergent parenting strategies are likely to encounter more behavioral problems in their children than those with straightforward, established rules.http://www.babycenter.com/0_ten-ways-to-get-in-sync-with-your-partner-on-discipline_3657175.bc³
  “Agreeing to disagree is also a part of team work, as long as parents can be cordial and pleasant about it. The important thing is that children should feel that parents work as a team,” says licensed clinical psychologist Dr. David Swanson. “You can iron out your differences alone but must present a picture of working together to the children.”http://www.uberarticles.com/miscellaneous/team-work-as-a-parenting-skill⁴
  How To: Discuss your parenting style at length with your partner and agree to one set of strategies. Then remember that rules are rules. Share your family/house rules with everyone caring for your child. If needed, provide gentle reminders of your expectations to those who tend to spoil the child (such as grandparents, aunts or uncles).

• Step 2: Accentuate the Positive

  While it is highly unlikely that parents can eliminate ALL their child’s negative behavior, reinforcing good behavior can help reduce disobedience. Chris Theisen, mental health specialist and creator of [[The Parent Coach Plan]], recommends “catching” the child in the act of being good. “Praise, compliments, and positive attention will go a long way,” he maintains.http://www.parentcoachplan.com/⁵
  Other parenting coaches agree with the importance of praising a child’s good behavior. “Good manners and social skills are learned behaviors, and kids need constant and positive reinforcement,” says Robin McClure.http://childcare.about.com/od/behaviors/a/manners.htm⁶
  Families who focus on positive attitudes can enhance their overall mental health. Laughter is often the best medicine to curing both ill-behaved children and stressed-out parents. Humor can work as a wonderful diversion from a tantrum or argument, and children can often forget that they were upset in the first place. “Use humor to diffuse situations when possible,” Theisen says. “A little humor can go a long way.” He cautions, though, to steer clear of ridicule or sarcasm.http://www.parentcoachplan.com/⁷
  On the flip side, the American Academy of Pediatrics textbook Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5 (Copyright © 2004 American Academy of Pediatrics) cautions, “Children whose parents fail to set appropriate limits, are overly strict, or forget to reinforce good behaviors tend to have more frequent or severe tantrums than children whose parents take a moderate approach.”
  How To: It’s easy to call out bad behavior; you obviously need to stop your child quickly when pulls this sibling’s hair. It’s more difficult to commend someone for doing “what’s expected.” Take the time to observe your child in daily activities and notice the small gestures of good behavior. A simple, “Wow, thanks for sharing that toy with your brother so nicely!” shows your child that you pay attention to him – even when he doesn’t notice.

• Step 3: Respect Youth

  While “respecting your elders” is a display of good manners, respecting children goes a long way in promoting their positive behavior. Respect is a two-way street: parents show their children how to respect by treating them with respect. Parents need to set the example by displaying respect to their children.
  “In order to grow into a responsible, capable adult, a child must learn how to function within his immediate and extended environment, to learn right from wrong and good from bad, to be respected by others, and to be respectful of others,” contends Joe M. Sanders Jr., MD.http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/98/4/v⁸
  “Show respect for your child’s feelings and thoughts, while standing firm on your expectations for good behavior,” states Kimberly L. Keith. “Respect for parents and other authorities is crucial to self-discipline and healthy development. Help your child learn respect for authority by making your own words and actions as a parent worthy of respect.”http://childparenting.about.com/cs/discipline/a/childdiscipline.htm⁹
  The Parent Coach Plan maintains that respect is an integral part of successful discipline techniques: “Avoid shaming or humiliating your child. It is important to use discipline as an opportunity to teach. Shaming and humiliating will teach the child that she is not valued.”http://www.parentcoachplan.com/¹⁰
  Respect can take on many visages. One critical facet to respect is engaged listening. Busy schedules and multitasking often make it a challenge to pay full attention to your preschooler’s stream-of-consciousness recounting of the morning’s activities or your middle-schooler’s excitement over this week’s field trip. But children will notice – and “reward” – the parents’ efforts.
  “Listening to children, and helping them understand that their viewpoint is important and worth taking time for, are very important. If a child knows you are willing to listen, she will talk to you,” says Madelyn Swift, founder and director of Childright. “Taking time and energy to listen to your children during times of crisis as well as times of calm is an excellent investment which will repay you many times.”http://www.childright.com/¹¹
  In her article “How To Raise a Child Who Listens Well,” Holly Hanke advises parents to be good listeners themselves. “Don’t interrupt your child when he’s telling you a story. Turn your attention to him when he wants to tell you something. Give him your undivided attention when he’s talking. If you want him to listen to you, he needs to see that you will listen to him too.”http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-raise-a-child-who-listens-well_67052.bc¹²
  “Children return the respect they receive,” says Hanke. “Children who have been listened to tend to become good listeners themselves.”http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-raise-a-child-who-listens-well_67052.bc<ref> ¹³
  How To: Designate dinnertime – or your family’s main meal together – as a common ground for conversation. Sit down and look your children in the eye when they are speaking, and really participate in their conversations. If only for a few scant moments, shelve the laptop; shift the cellphone to vibrate; switch off the television. Keep the dining table clear of mail, bills, newspapers, or other interesting distractions.

• Step 4: Handle Fairness

  Life isn’t fair. Experiencing that harsh reality, while difficult and sad, is an important life lesson. Many experts agree that this should be learned early on. It is human nature for parents to want to protect their children; however, sheltering a child from every pain or hardship actually serves as a disservice.
  “We need to teach them the truth: 1.) Life is not going to go your way, 2.) Get over it, and 3.) Learn to handle life’s disappointments with some grace,” says Childright’s Swift. She maintains that children who have learned that life will not always go their way have an advantage over their sheltered peers in that they will press on in spite of the hurdles. “When our children are told ‘no’ at a young age, they learn: 1.) No means no, 2.) Grownups do need to be listened to, and 3.) Life will not always go your way. They begin to develop frustration tolerance and the ability to cope successfully with frustration, a very important life skill. Indeed, these children develop some character.”http://www.childright.com/¹⁴
  “If a child never experiences the pain of frustration, of having to share a toy or wait their turn in line or if they are never sad or disappointed, they won’t ever develop psychological skills that are crucial for their future happiness,” says Dr. Dan Kindlon, a clinical and research psychologist specializing in behavioral problems of children and adolescents. “It is important for children to develop their psychological immune system … or they will have a very hard time effectively coping with emotional stress when they get older.”http://www.dankindlon.com/FAQ.htm¹⁵
  “Children learn by following examples set by parents and other authority figures, by testing the standards society imposes upon them, and by simple acts of trial and error,” says Dr. Sanders. “They will inevitably make mistakes along this long and complex journey as they learn to control their impulses and funnel their boundless energy into appropriate channels of activity. A major challenge of parenthood is how best to ensure the lesson is learned.”http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/98/4/v¹⁶
  How To: Use these “unfair” experiences as learning opportunities and as openings for meaningful conversation. Remind your child that everyone – even parents! – will have ups and downs throughout life, but we grow and mature by learning from them. BabyCenter experts recommend simply stating, “I understand that this seems unfair to you, and I’m sorry you’re upset, but life isn’t always fair.” http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-discipline-tool-kit-successful-strategies-for-every-age_1475318.bc¹⁷

• Step 5: Trusting Yourself

  Wanting the best for their children is natural, and in this quest, parents often seek advice from those with “experience.” The best advice in the world, from even the most well-intentioned provider, however, means nothing if it conflicts with a family’s core values. Every family is unique and, as such, has its own strategies that work (and don’t work). The trick is figuring out the strategies that lead to success.
  As therapist Karen Kleiman acknowledges in her BabyCenter article How should I handle unwanted advice from my in-laws?, “Well-meaning relatives may feel compelled to share their bits of wisdom, judgment, and even criticism, to make sure you’re doing everything the ‘right’ way – or at least the way they did it.” She cautions that new parents, especially, might have a difficult time setting limits when they feel overwhelmed and uncertain about their abilities. Advice from all sides might make the parents doubt themselves and their decisions.http://www.babycenter.com/404_how-should-i-handle-unwanted-advice-from-my-in-laws_11712.bc¹⁸
  To say that being a parent is hard would be the utmost understatement. And the old cliché “the hardest job you’ll ever love” hardly suffices. While joyous and beautiful at times, parenting is also painful and exhausting at others. It is a full-time, lifelong job that requires continuing education, dedication, and training. Children don’t come with instructional manuals, and they don’t stay the same for long. Once a parent has mastered a certain skill or conquered a certain obstacle, the child inevitably moves on and grows into another skill set (or set of challenges!).
  But parenting is a labor of love. It is the parents’ job to raise their children, to the best of their ability, to bring out the best of their potential. Societal factors or other external pressures often make parents second-guess their decisions. At the end of the day, the love and devotion parents shower on their children will be obvious in the inspiring adults they will become.
  Tip: Solicit advice freely, and then adopt portions of that advice selectively. If anyone tells you that you’re doing something “wrong,” pleasantly let them know that you appreciate the advice but have your own strategy. Keep your sanity by reminding yourself that no one – not even those who dispense advise liberally – can do everything perfectly, and remember that you’ll never please everyone.

10 Commandments of Good Parenting

You know the checkout line scenario: 3-year-old child wants this toy, this candy, this something — and she wants it nooooow! The crying starts, escalating into a full-blown tantrum.

In his new book, The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting, Laurence Steinberg, PhD, provides guidelines based on the top social science research — some 75 years of studies. Follow them, and you can avert all sorts of child behavior problems, he says.

After all, what is the goal when you’re dealing with children? To show who’s boss? To instill fear? Or to help the child develop into a decent, self-confident human being?

Good parenting helps foster empathy, honesty, self-reliance, self-control, kindness, cooperation, and cheerfulness, says Steinberg. It also promotes intellectual curiosity, motivation, and desire to achieve. It helps protect children from developing anxiety, depression, eating disorders, anti-social behavior, and alcohol and drug abuse.

“Parenting is one of the most researched areas in the entire field of social science,” says Steinberg, who is a distinguished professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia. The scientific evidence for the principles he outlines “is very, very consistent,” he tells WebMD.

Too many parents base their actions on gut reaction. But some parents have better instincts than others, Steinberg says. Children should never be hit — not even a slap on a toddler’s bottom, he tells WebMD. “If your young child is headed into danger, into traffic, you can grab him and hold him, but you should under no circumstances hit him.”

Ruby Natale PhD, PsyD, professor of clinical pediatrics at the University of Miami Medical School, couldn’t agree more. She offered a few of her own insights. “Many people use the same tactics their own parents used, and a lot of times that meant using really harsh discipline,” she tells WebMD.

A parent’s relationship with his or her child will be reflected in the child’s actions — including child behavior problems, Natale explains. “If you don’t have a good relationship with your child, they’re not going to listen to you. Think how you relate to other adults. If you have a good relationship with them, you tend to trust them more, listen to their opinions, and agree with them. If it’s someone we just don’t like, we will ignore their opinion.”

Steinberg’s 10 principles hold true for anyone who deals with children — coach, teacher, babysitter, he says.

The 10 Principles of Good Parenting

1. What you do matters. “This is one of the most important principles,” Steinberg tells WebMD. “What you do makes a difference. Your kids are watching you. Don’t just react on the spur of the moment. Ask yourself, ‘What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result?’”

2. You cannot be too loving. “It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love,” he writes. “What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love — things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions.”

3. Be involved in your child’s life. “Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. Be there mentally as well as physically.”

Being involved does not mean doing a child’s homework — or reading it over or correcting it. “Homework is a tool for teachers to know whether the child is learning or not,” Steinberg tells WebMD. “If you do the homework, you’re not letting the teacher know what the child is learning.”

4. Adapt your parenting to fit your child. Keep pace with your child’s development. Your child is growing up. Consider how age is affecting the child’s behavior.

“The same drive for independence that is making your three-year-old say ‘no’ all the time is what’s motivating him to be toilet trained,” writes Steinberg. “The same intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious and inquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner table.”

For example: An eighth grader is easily distracted, irritable. His grades in school are suffering. He’s argumentative. Should parents push him more, or should they be understanding so his self-esteem doesn’t suffer?

“With a 13-year-old, the problem could be a number of things,” Steinberg says. “He may be depressed. He could be getting too little sleep. Is he staying up too late? It could be he simply needs some help in structuring time to allow time for studying. He may have a learning problem. Pushing him to do better is not the answer. The problem needs to be diagnosed by a professional.”

5. Establish and set rules. “If you don’t manage your child’s behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you aren’t around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself.”

“But you can’t micromanage your child,” Steinberg tells WebMD. “Once they’re in middle school, you need let the child do their own homework, make their own choices, and not intervene.”

6. Foster your child’s independence. “Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in life, she’s going to need both.”

It is normal for children to push for autonomy, says Steinberg. “Many parents mistakenly equate their child’s independence with rebelliousness or disobedience. Children push for independence because it is part of human nature to want to feel in control rather than to feel controlled by someone else.”

7. Be consistent. “If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child’s misbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it.”

Many parents have problems being consistent, Steinberg tells WebMD. “When parents aren’t consistent, children get confused. You have to force yourself to be more consistent.”

8. Avoid harsh discipline. Parents should never hit a child, under any circumstances. “Children who are spanked, hit, or slapped are more prone to fighting with other children,” he writes. “They are more likely to be bullies and more likely to use aggression to solve disputes with others.”

“There is a lot of evidence that spanking causes aggression in children, which can lead to relationship problems with other kids,” Steinberg tells WebMD. “There are many other ways to discipline a child, including ‘time out,’ which work better and do not involve aggression.”

9. Explain your rules and decisions. “Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to,” he writes. “Generally, parents overexplain to young children and underexplain to adolescents. What is obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn’t have the priorities, judgment or experience that you have.”

An example: A 6-year-old is very active and very smart — but blurts out answers in class, doesn’t give other kids a chance, and talks too much in class. His teacher needs to address the child behavior problem. He needs to talk to the child about it, says Steinberg. “Parents might want to meet with the teacher and develop a joint strategy. That child needs to learn to give other children a chance to answer questions.”

10. Treat your child with respect. “The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him respectfully,” Steinberg writes. “You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when he is speaking to you. Treat him kindly. Try to please him when you can. Children treat others the way their parents treat them. Your relationship with your child is the foundation for her relationships with others.”

For example, if your child is a picky eater: “I personally don’t think parents should make a big deal about eating,” Steinberg tells WebMD. “Children develop food preferences. They often go through them in stages. You don’t want turn mealtimes into unpleasant occasions. Just don’t make the mistake of substituting unhealthy foods. If you don’t keep junk food in the house, they won’t eat it.”

Likewise, the checkout line tantrum can be avoided, says Natale. “Children respond very well to structure. You can’t go shopping without preparing them for it. Tell them, ‘We will be there 45 minutes. Mommy needs to buy this. Show them the list. If you don’t prepare them, they will get bored, tired, upset by the crowds of people.”

“Parents forget to consider the child, to respect the child,” Natale tells WebMD. “You work on your relationships with other adults, your friendships, your marriage, dating. But what about your relationship with your child? If you have a good relationship, and you’re really in tune with your child, that’s what really matters. Then none of this will be an issue.”

Animals have instinct—different species are born knowing a number of different skills immediately: walking, running, swimming. Megapodes, a type of bird also known as incubator birds, are completely independent and self–sufficient from the time they hatch. They generally have no interaction with their parents, and yet, when they reach maturity, they perform the same complicated nesting process as their ancestors. The mother lays eggs into a nest over a period of months and then leaves. The father stays with the eggs, and tends to the nest so that the eggs are kept at a near–constant temperature. This same procedure is performed generation after generation, even though it is not a skill that is taught to the hatchlings. Humans, however, must learn. We collect information and knowledge through our senses and build up a store of skills through experiences. As parents we have an enormous responsibility to actively teach and train our children.

Our society has gotten so busy, so demanding on our time, that parenting is being squeezed out of many adults’ lives. Parents are outsourcing the task of raising their children. From very early age, preschools and daycares watch children for many of their waking hours. After they enter the school system, they spend vast chunks of their week in school classes and after–school programs. When the children are at home, the television and the computer often have as much—or more—influence on the children than the parents do. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average child watches three hours of television every day! Many parents admit to using television and video games as a babysitter for their children without having full knowledge of the type of content their children are seeing.

In a 2003 Developmental Psychology article titled “Longitudinal Relations Between Children’s Exposure to TV Violence and Their Aggressive and Violent Behavior in Young Adulthood: 1977 – 1992,” researchers led by L. Rowell Huesmann, Ph.D. found that viewing violence and aggression on TV did not just affect the viewer during childhood. “The structural models show that for both boys and girls, habitual early exposure to TV violence is predictive of more aggression by them later in life independent of their own initial childhood aggression, their own intellectual capabilities, their social status as measured by their parents’ education or their fathers’ occupations, their parents’ aggressiveness, their parents’ mobility orientation, their parents’ TV viewing habits (including violence viewing), and their parents’ rejection, nurturance, and punishment of them in childhood.” Without a doubt, children learn from all of the influences around them, and those influences will affect their character for life! “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

It is becoming a rare thing to find a family that spends quality time together without artificial distractions. The family dinner, picnic, hike or camping trip are disappearing from modern society, replaced by dozens of other influences. Whatever happened to one–on–one time playing sports, teaching work ethic and being dynamically involved in every aspect of our children’s lives? Children are constantly learning from the moment they are born. Who is training and teaching your child the ethics, skills, values and principles that will constitute their character? As a population, we parents need to reengage with our children, so we can be a positive, beneficial force in their education.

Engaged parents interact with their children

Some families spend the majority of their time either ignoring each other or in a virtual brawl. The children learn that communication is an adversarial competition to manipulate, cajole or berate the other person into doing what you want them to do. And when that fails, an appropriate reaction is to let your temper flare or stomp off to sulk and bathe in feelings of self–pity. In other families, the only time the father approaches the child is to rebuke misbehavior or correct an improper batting swing or football throw, or perhaps a one or two minute chat while sending the child to bed. The simple remedy to this kind of dysfunctional communication is to have a conversation with your child every day.

It is important to have a healthy communication channel between parents and children. This principle is applied every day in successful business projects, is required in every crew–oriented profession such as shipping, commercial flying, firefighting, and is recognized universally as key to any healthy relationship. Yet how many parents really apply it to their family life? The child should always understand proper respect for parental authority, and the parents should start, and continue, a habit of having interesting and interested conversations with each child. A common practice for many effective managers is to hold a “one–on–one” meeting on a regular basis with each person who reports directly to them in order to build the habit of communication. How many of those same managers do that at home with their children?

Nancy Gibbs, in the June 12, 2006 issue of TIME magazine, writes, “Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use” (“The Magic of the Family Meal”). The family dinner is not magic on its own, but it does create a consistent time and place where conversations happen, experiences are shared and relationships are strengthened. However, when you have a conversation is not as important as making sure you do it regularly. Talk about school, friends, and cars while playing catch, baking cookies, driving to the store or lying in bed. If you are traveling and cannot talk face–to–face, give your child a call and tell him about your trip and the city you are visiting.

Ask yourself honestly, when was the last time you gave your child your undivided, undistracted attention during an extended conversation. Often, you will have to do most of the talking—that is perfectly fine and is a wonderful opportunity to pass on knowledge. However, as this tradition of communication is established, you might be surprised to find how much your child has to say. If you make a habit of having these kinds of conversations, you are guaranteed to learn more about your children, improve your relationship with them, and be able to teach more effectively.

Engaged parents know their children

Just like you heard in high school writing class, much important information can be gleaned from answering who, what, when, where, why and how. Know where you children are, what they are doing, whom they are with.

When a newborn is brought into a family, parents always know where the baby is, who is holding her, if she is hungry or has a fever. As a child grows and matures, becoming more independent, some parents feel that they need to “turn loose” completely to avoid being overbearing and nosy. Keeping track of your children is not overbearing; it is responsible parenting! And even though your children may not seem to appreciate it at the time, chances are that once they are grown, they will realize that your interest saved them from any number of dangerous and heartbreaking situations.

Help your children learn to make good decisions, give them opportunities to practice decision–making, but stay informed. Ask them about their friends. Help them make judgments about the kind of influence other people have on them. If they will not discuss this with you as they get older, you probably did not build the habit of honest communication in their earlier years. While it may be harder to start once a wall is in place, it is never too late. Parenting is not about being best friends with your children or keeping them satisfied and happy with you from one moment to the next, but about helping them build lifelong values and character. In spite of their protests or unwillingness to talk, they do want you to be sincerely and lovingly involved in their life.

Share your life with your child

A responsible parent must know the details of their child’s life. At the same time, your child can learn an almost limitless amount by being involved in your day–to–day life. Even the mundane events in an adult life can excite and spark a child’s interest.

If appropriate and possible, take them to work with you. Let them see what it takes to support a family and complete a job successfully. Come up with a creative way to let them help you with your responsibilities. Perhaps they can copy and staple, deliver a memo for you, organize a toolset or cheerfully greet a customer. This also provides an opportunity to reinforce respect for adults and proper behavior in public. Obviously, you should never put them in harm’s way or expose them to inappropriate surroundings.

The routine trip to the grocery store provides another great teaching experience. Finding a good deal, learning to sift through marketing hype, picking a ripe piece of fruit, calculating a budget are just a few of the technical skills that can teach more important lessons around judgement, values and organization.

Teaching them to sit and listen, politely and respectfully, to a conversation among adults can be immensely educational. You might be surprised how tuned in even very young children are to the conversations that take place around them. This can be a plus or a minus: if your conversations are stimulating and edifying, the youngsters will pick up worthwhile knowledge. The inverse is true as well, so avoid having hostile, distasteful, or gossipy discussions.

Including young children in your routines may feel like a burden and slow you down initially. If you take the time to teach them these skills, they will actually become very helpful as they grow older. Parenting is not always convenient, but the rewards are immeasurable as you see the fruits of your labor paying off in your child’s life.

Children are not just miniature adults

In spite of the stereotypical image of an authority–hating brat, children crave correction and boundaries. Do not be afraid to say “no” and set boundaries. Limits on their behavior actually help children feel more confident and comfortable about the world around them and help instill the vitally important traits of self–control and discipline.

Each of us is under the authority of others: our supervisor at work, our local government, and so on. The parent is the controlling authority of the child, yet so many parents think that the proper approach is to befriend their child and try to reason him into submission, even when he is very young. Creating a set of rules and expectations is not going to squelch his individuality or stunt his personality development. From the beginning of their life, children need to start learning that every behavior has a consequence—good or bad.

Teach them what they are expected to do, then require that behavior of them. Set reasonable boundaries and be consistent about holding them accountable. We have seen it over and over again with our own son. He is happier and more at ease when he knows what is expected of him, but he does not know it is really expected of him if he is not required to adhere to the standard. If you allow your children to skip their chores whenever they feel like it, or to do a job halfway, they will learn that they do not really have to to do what they are told, and that someone else will pick up the slack for them.

When your children break the rules, make sure you consistently apply the consequences, but always discipline in love. Your job as a parent is to teach them and help them grow to be successful adults, not to appease them. Still, make sure you never lose your temper, get mad, yell or verbally attack them. Even if their behavior makes you angry, keep in mind that the long–term development of your child is far more important than your feelings.

Accentuate the positive

Anytime that you correct your child, give them positive instruction as well. Teaching your child does not have to be just a list of “don’ts” and reprimands. Make sure you are also showing them how to make right decisions and appreciate true values.

When children make a mistake, do you just reprimand, or do you teach them what they need to know? Remember, teach them what they are supposed to do and then require it of them. If they fall short, correct them and give them instruction in the proper way to do it.

Educate them on their surroundings and introduce them to worthwhile culture. Take them to a symphony concert, a zoo or a botanical garden. Read books with them that are filled with exciting, real–life adventure. Show them the endless number of interesting and uplifting activities, books, and music they can enjoy: “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” . Even if you have had a rough week, strive to help them develop and maintain a positive outlook on life. Children should be filled with joy and optimism. Focusing on the positive will be encouraging for you as well.

Families are the basic unit of every community, region, and society. We must be vigorously involved in our children’s education, training, and teaching if we are to have a positive impact on their lives. There is no higher responsibility from one human being to another than for a parent to give his all in raising happy, healthy, right–minded children. Start today in your family!

To read on please click here

Being a parent is very rewarding but it is not always easy.  For those moments when you’re feeling stressed or being pushed to your limits, use these 5 parent friendly tips to get you through the hard moments or days of parenting.  These tips help parents but in the end, benefit kids as well.

1.  Count to ten and take some deep breaths.

This tip is for those critical moments when you’re ready to pull your hair out or scream.  It’s not about doing a countdown for your child to obey. This countdown is for you.  It’s a long ten seconds to calm down and regroup before you make a parenting mistake you’ll regret like yelling, or making threats or unreasonable demands.

2.  Find a solution to a recurring problem.

We all have them.  Those recurring problems where we feel like we see and say the same things over every day.  It’s time to find a solution and move on to the next issue.  If it is hoards of shoes around the door, buy a shoe rack and institute a shoes here only rule.  If the problem is using too much shampoo, invest in a travel size bottle for your child to use until they learn to manage how much they use.  If the problem is lost library books, pull out a basket and make this the only place for storing library books.  Even better, pull out two baskets; one for books that haven’t been read and ones that are ready to be returned.  If you’ve said it more than three times, it is time to find a solution.

3.  Recognize the strengths in your child.

This works two ways.  On the one side, be aware of how an annoying trait may be positive in the future.  For example, a child that bucks authority or questions everything may be less likely to be steered the wrong way by peers or adults in the future.  That doesn’t mean you won’t have to deal with the friction issues now but at least you can feel better knowing there is a positive side too.  On the other hand, when there don’t seem to be any positive sides to a child’s behaviors, make a list in your head of all the things your child is good at, whether it is math, saying “Thank you” or remembering to brush their teeth.  When we start thinking it’s all bad, our kids will start thinking this too.

4.  Catch them being good and put it in writing.

We really don’t enjoy the nagging and face it, neither do they.  In order for our kids to not tune us out, they’ll have to hear some praise from us too.  Let them know what you appreciate, whether it is helping a sibling with her coat or waiting patiently while you finish a phone call.  At times, put your praise in writing too.  We love to get written praise from our bosses and kids do too.  Find a really clean closet?  Hang a Happy Clean Closet Award certificate on the door.  It will be really hard to leave a messy closet behind a praising sign like that.

5.  Take time for you everyday.

Sometimes we wonder if our kids realize that we have feelings and needs too.  They may not if we are always tending to them and others and playing “Super Woman” or “Super Man.”  Take time for yourself every day whether it’s an exercise class, a cup of tea or time to read.  Let your kids know what you expect from them during “me” time and why it’s important to you.  With little ones this can seem impossible but take advantage of their nap time.  Yes, there’s laundry, bills  and dinner to attend to but you deserve and need some time for you too.  You’ll accomplish more and enjoy it all more after you’ve had some time to recharge.  If we don’t fill our own cups, we have little to give to others.

Learn more about this author, Angela La Fon.

Dealing with the difficulties of parenting

• 1 of 33by Carol Gioia

  Being a parent is potentially one of the most rewarding life experiences a person can have. It might also be the most difficult,

  read more

• 2 of 33by September Gray

  We consider it the most rewarding job in the universe, bringing another life into the world. We dream of how we’ll

  read more

• 3 of 33by Christine Sandor

  Kids: You want them, you get them, and you can’t sell them on EBay! Procreation is a wonderful experience. The miracle

  read more

• 4 of 33by Bonnie Christiano

  Cliché as it may be, the truth is that there is no parenting manual or handbook that has all of the solutions to

  read more

• 5 of 33by Tamra Cox

  There are many different difficulties of parenting throughout all stages of parenting. The difficulties could be physical

  read more