1. Who you think you are is important. Like attracts like. Do you like who you are?

2. What you want in a relationship is important, and when you are willing to ask for it, you will be able to create it. But only ask for what you want when you are clear about what it is. Until then, don’t go around demanding things you just think you should have.

3. We get exactly what we focus on. The problem or the solution. We make a choice between them with every decision we make.

4. Tell yourself the truth about what you want, not what others (family, friends, spouse) say you should have.

5. Tell everyone else your truth about what you want. Don’t be afraid to share your vision and dreams with those you love.

6. You are not defined by your relationships unless you choose to be. Consider what it says about you if you deed over you soul to one.

7. Interdependent (two independent people) relationships are the only ones that work, long term.

8. Truth is the first thing necessary to create trust in our relationships. Respect is earned from trust, and love is earned from respect. Intimacy is the gift we get when we risk telling the truth.
* See the hierarchy of a functional relationship

9. Fear of intimacy is fear of the truth. Your truth is better for you than someone else’s. Just get to know what it is, so you can finally own it, and speak it..

10. If your relationship is not getting better, it is probable getting worse. Life is dynamic and nothing ever stays the same.

11. Every relationship is unique. It takes what it takes to work. If you want it to work, you have to work it. No shortcuts. No 50/50 deals.

12. It’s not your job to fix your mate, and it’s not his or her job to fix you. Take the relationship and what your mate says at face value and stop reading into it what you’d like to hear. We can work with what’s real. It’s impossible to deal with what’s not real.

13. Unconditional love is an inside job. If you haven’t gotten it by now, guess what…start working from within. When you can give it to yourself, you’ll be ready to give it to someone else. If you can give it to someone else, you’ll recognize it when it’s given to you.

14. If you both are committed to creating a functional relationship, agree to start doing it today, without any judgments about the past. Be willing to work in the solution and let go of your need to control the outcome, moment to moment, one day at a time. Joy can only be experienced in the present moment

15. Most of our fears about what may happen in this relationship are really fears we experienced in past relationships, and have nothing to do with this person. Come to grips with what’s real and what’s Memorex! .

16. When in an argument, ask yourself Does this really PASS THE SO WHAT TEST? For you to be right does the other person have to be wrong? Think about it. Life is short. Don’t waste it on arguments that have no meaning or purpose. You can always agree to disagree if you need to.
Then laugh about it, and go on to the next thing. Start observing your need to argue as just another dysfunctional, immature habit that needs to be broken.

17. When we finally learn to say we are sorry (at 3 or 93) we get to finally hear we are O.K. To error is human, and there is great virtue in all forgiveness, ourselves included. The best way to teach our children this lesson is by watching us demonstrate it.

18. Any negative, hurtful or sarcastic remark is abusive. Like a sharp knife, each word will carve out a chunk of a loving relationship that can never grow back. Please consider the source and outcome of your remarks, before you open you mouth to tell your truth.

19. Never let a day go by without saying and showing how much your relationship and partner mean to you. Never take a moment for granted. Express how grateful you are for your good fortune, however meek or humble it may be. Appreciation and gratefulness have magic in them. It seems the more we express them, the more reasons we are given to say thank you.

20. To have a functional relationship you have to be willing to risk loosing it everyday, by telling your truth. If you don’t feel free to tell your truth, start asking yourself why you think it’s so important to stay, and what else you are willing to loose besides your self-esteem.

For starters, you can ask your mate to tell their truth, and be willing to accept it at face value, without judgment. Now you both get to finally know the truth, and, if you each want a relationship based on what’s real for both of you.

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Have you come across couples where you can see a visible sign of disrespect between each other? Or find that one partner has low respect for the other? That is quite common, but why is that so? And how do the partners intend to continue in absence of mutual respect? Let us discuss.

Respect and how it affects our well-being?

Think of any situation when you felt disrespected. That happens many times in public places, work places and homes. How did you feel? You felt anger towards the person who disrespected you. You also felt that that person did not value your opinion or capability. You felt bad about the whole thing because your self-esteem was hurt. You felt like never giving your opinion to that person again.

When you feel respected you find that the other person is keenly listening to you. You find the body language of the other person positive and leaning towards you. You find that they ask questions or air their opinions believing that you will contribute positively to the dialogue. In such a situation you feel respected and involved. Your self-esteem gets boost and you respect the other person in turn.

Is respect always a two way street?

It is felt that respect is a two way street. If you give respect, you get it. Sometimes this law is broken. You may be trying to respect the opinion of the other part but the other party may be so disoriented due to anger, frustration or other reasons that they may simple brush aside all your opinions and argue with you with total disrespect. This frequently happens when some body is feeling very angry. If a couple gets into a situation when one of them is angry over the other, you will find the angry person using most derogatory terms. That breaks the respect between each other. Even if apologies are made after temper cools down the relationship does not get mended, because spoken words keep ringing in the mind of the injured person.

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By Byron Wright

Everybody wants to have a very happy wedding.A cheerful wedding is among the best things life can offerlittle time different types of issues appear in our life. Its right that many people throw in the towel on a wedding too soon, and too many weddings finish up being weighted down by unresolved problems. What occurs if none of those things from the start of your relationship are going down any more like: the tiny favors today cook your favorite meal, buy you something special, those small things that showed you she cares about you. Realizing that you can be losing the individual you adore is hard on anybody. Like most of the people in your current position you’re most likely feeling shocked and confused, without knowing what to get on with next. If you happen to feel that your wedding is crisis, don’t show your other half that you are panicking, try and keep calm and in control your feelings. You both need to recollect that regardless of how dark things appear, it’s feasible for many unions to get back on course, but both husband and spouse should be willing to cooperate.

The most important thing is to remain calm and to understand what to keep clear of and what to shoot at to make relationship work.

You are able to save your wedding regardless of whether your other half would like a separation, she asks for divorce, or doesn’t love you any more. But to stop divorce you want to avoid doing what injures your relationship, knowing that there is always a hope to save your wedding.

Envy is among the reasons which explain why most of the people get divorce, but isn’t the just one. If she caught you with cuckoldry and that’s the reason why she would like to get divorce, the toughest thing you are going to need to do is to reconstruct trust in your relationship: always be on time home, do what you are saying you do and be truthful. Also, never lie to your other half again, communicate obviously all of the time, take a little time to assure your partner if she feels nervous, show her feelings on regular basis and also bide your time with her. As I pointed out there are numerous other reasons why folks get divorce.

This is generally a massive mistake so try first to do all the sacrifices that are important to save your wedding. first and the most vital is to spot your issues, take a fair glance at the relationship and work out what the issues are, actually express what’s annoying you in, as much details as possible look for solutions rather that blaming your other half if you are guilty for this position show her your companion, respect and emotion, everyday remind her how much you adore her and put meaning from within into those words -start doing things that were customarily done when both were still in loved and married -express your sentiments, communicate your emotions truthfully and overtly as you can -establish open dialog and start to compromise and heal, debate about your emotions and come to an understanding about what you are feeling the relationship desires -also you’ve got to learn how to listen also the things which are brought up should be handled as guides so the couple will learn the way to respect each other’s feelings and viewpoints, she may talk about what she’s feeling relating to the relationship -you have to work steadily to understand and change what’s troubling your better half in the relationship, even though she loves you, she may see some determined issues in you, and that’s the reason why she might have lost wish for the relationship due to them, you’ve got to understand better your partner’s perception of these issues -if you are getting off on your sex life, talk to one another, spend some more time alone just both of you, go on a holiday -open yourself to the proven fact that any issue can be accepted and translated in a selection of ways, or you may continue to stay in a groove -think about the techniques you make a contribution to the situation -learn to internalize and understand that your companion isn’t you, both have to find out how to sympathize with the other’s viewpoint -appreciate the value of the other’s experience in the way that’s different than yours -don’t permit old negative behavior patterns to swamp the present time -learn to pardon and forget, learn how to forget anything and accept one another, bringing up the past won’t save the wedding, one must learn how to pardon the partner and forget all of the mistakes from the past -seek both for a solution,

remember you are 2 different folk, isn’t about who is wining here, it’s about respect, intimacy, expansion and emergence -set goals to work as a couple ,e.g. : to speak without disagreeing, to try and do things as a couple, to find an end point to your issues, and also note down your feelings and permit the other to read them -last but not at least, have patience, your conjugal issues didn’t crop up overnight and they won’t be healed overnight, debate all of the feelings that you both feel till you are focused and prepared to start anew hence if you’ve got some problems in your wedding, wait first to see whether that wedding can be saved, do not be hurry to get divorced. Always have to think positive, that there’s a hope to save your wedding irrespective of how many issues appear in your life.

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